Controversial approach to Santa

Me too. In Scotland I think Father Christmas sounds like a posh English term.

I think your kids are still very young to understand Santa. 4 years old and onwards are the magical years of running down the stairs excited and seeing if Santa and Rudolph ate what the kids left out for them.
They're your kids and it’s not illegal, but they would be missing out on what their school friends will talk about around Christmas time and the magic for themselves on Christmas Eve. They aren’t little for long.
I never told my daughter that the presents were from Santa, her dads a gas engineer and he sends invoices to customers, so I told her Santa sends parents an invoice to pay and there’s an extra “magic fee” so they’re more special than whatever’s in the shops 🤣 she was even more grateful for what she got because she knew we paid for it and Santa basically drops it off

I think its weird and you're missing out on a lot of joyful and magical experiences. I'd also love for you to repost after they're both at school to talk about how that's gone. Santa often visits schools.

In my experience children will talk about the XBox, PlayStation, Bike etc rather than who gave it.
I grew up not believing and with not much money. I don’t think it was any better or easier for me knowing that my friend’s parents bought him a Gameboy rather than Father Christmas bringing him one. I just really wanted one.

My DC got all the presents we bought from Father Christmas, partly because that’s what happened in our families and partly because I wanted them to have more from FC than I did when I was little. We never made anything of the good/bad thing.
They have cousins and friends who get stockings from FC and bigger gifts from parents and it’s never been a problem in the same way my DC didn’t question why they didn’t get a gift from DH and I but their cousins got loads of gifts from their parents. We all just run along and enjoy our Christmas.

Yep same. Father Christmas is something off the telly. Always Santa.

This whole "magic of Christmas" thing seems to have gone way over the top these days. I was born in 1957 so was a child mostly in the 1960's. You would've thought children were more cossetted and unwordly then, but they weren't at all! Christmas was basically 1 day, with boxing day being pretty much an adult day for watching sport or going to the pub. Parents didn't bang on and on about Santa. He was just a mythical figure that featured at Christmas. I can only remember 2 kids in infants school who, at the age of around 6, thought he was actually real.

It's not controversial or wrong or anything like that. I don't know why people are so snide and judgey either way. The only thing I really took issue with was the trend to pretend that finding out Santa wasn't real was so traumatising that they struggled to trust their parents which is just the biggest lost of bullshit going.

It's really handy for ultimately learning about myth etc around a particular age but it's not required, there are other ways. Personally we just went with it, my daughter is 10 now and knows Santa isn't real, knows the backstory of the myth, and we've never 'confirmed' Santa isn't real, kind of a reverse of the 'oh really' you experienced from your mum. There's no right or wrong and its not inherently traumatising either way.

They do in our house.

and this is why it's so silly to get so uptight and worked up about children 'spoiling' it when so many families who do it, do it so differently anyway and don't seem to get upset when one family has stockings from Santa, one family doesn't do stockings at all and the next family has absolutely everything from Santa whilst the other does a token gift from Santa and nothing else.

It's a wonder children believe at all if they chat about it with their friends as much as it is assumed on here.

You hadn’t realised it was controversial? You don’t “allow” other people to make a big deal about Santa. You sound a bundle of laughs.

You do realise the rest of us who had Santa throughout our childhoods are perfectly normal and unscathed from the delight?

My mil did this too, I put a stop to it, the children knew gifts in the house were from mummy and daddy and Santa just delivered the gifts, this explained why some children got more or less gifts than others. Gifts in our home on Christmas morning were from mummy and daddy and gifts from other people eg gran, auntie etc were from them.

in our house Santa is just like the evri delivery guy or the postman. He just makes sure he has the correct gifts to deliver which mummy and daddy paid for.

I know a few families who don't do the santa thing. It is a minority but several enough that I wouldn't call it controversial. You do you.

We don't do stockings at all.

Absolute nonsense that they have to be told a lie to not "ruin" Christmas for other children.

Do you instruct your children to not spoil Christmas for other children if they bring up the many, many other figures that aren't Santa that kids around the world believe in? The kids in my child's class are from all over, they believe in many different things at Christmas. It's fine, they figure it out amongst themselves. If a child wants to believe in Santa then they will.

"Everyone enjoys Christmas in their own way and that includes whether or not Santa visits them"

Eh? Stockings don't actually come from Santa...

I understand your perspective op and I don't make a big deal of santa either, however I think it's naive to think this won't throw up natural conflicts. For example how do you respond to your child in front of another child when your child asks why santa brought presents to that child but not to them? I can totally see your sils perspective. There's nothing wrong with your approach but I can see why it will become difficult for holidaying together.

To me, being with family is more important than whether or not you or your family believe in Father Christmas.

If this is truly your SIL's reason for not wanting to spend time together on Christmas Day it's a great shame for the children who would have so much fun together.

I think it's a bit sad if Santa is really the most wonderous and magical element of Christmas. I love Christmas so much and I can't remember ever believing in Santa, maybe when I was really young? My parents "did" Santa, in fact, they went to a lot of effort with talcum powder boot prints and the lot and my Dad even dressed as Santa to fill the stockings in case he was spotted and ruined the game but I never really thought it was real, it was fun, so I went along with it.

I remember being about 7 (because we moved house when I was 8 so it must have been the Christmas before that) feeling a sudden fear because I thought how horrible it was to think a strange man was coming into my room and then remembering it was just my Dad and feeling better, so the idea of Santa being real wasn't magical to me.

PPs have mentioned Disneyland- I've never been but I hear people of all ages love the fun of it even though they know the characters are just dressed up. It's just a fun game.

I was brought up in the same way as you Op. I was aware of all the Santa stuff and have always absolutely loved Christmas. We have 4 Christmas trees in this house. We had pillow cases full of presents and more delicate/ special presents under the tree. I knew they were from my family not Father Christmas.It made no difference. Father Christmas was in all the books and on the tv and that was fine. We didn't have the Easter bunny bringing eggs either ( we absolutely still had multiple eggs but they were from people). I was perfectly aware from friends and school that other people thought there was an actual Easter bunny. We didn't have the tooth fairy. Other people did. My own children did egg hunts and had a £1.00 under the pillow for a lost tooth butbI didnt oush a bunny and a fairy bringing them. . My oldest grandchild is nearly 4. He is very excited about Christmas. His parents haven't made a big thing of Father Christmas as a thing but do all the other Christmas stuff. My parents were absolute atheists too. Other people believed in God. We absolutely didn't. Father Christmas, Easter bunny, tooth fairy, God....all made up. I never, ever had a problem bwith thst. Neither did my children. They had stockings.....from me.

Oh and for the PP questioning why we say "Santa". It was NEVER Father Christmas in my house (Scottish parents). Father Christmas is a very specifically English tradition. My understanding is Santa Claus came from other European languages rendering of Saint Nicholas. Traditionally Scotland didn't celebrate Christmas as much as new year (in the early 20th century at least).

Your SIL is being ridiculous and kind of mean. She doesn't have to invite your family to HER house on Christmas, but she can't demand you go to your parents (absolutely none of her business) or disinvite you from a family Christmas lunch, say at your PILs' house. I'd ignore her, or have your partner deal with her. Leaving aside Jehovah's Witnesses for the moment - her 8yo and 9yo don't know any Jewish or Muslim children? Obviously there are going to be children, and whole families, that don't "do" Santa Claus/Father Christmas. And by the time your two might be old enough to say accidentally anything controversial or upsetting, hers will be too old for it anyway.

That said, if PILs are going to have stockings/gifts at their house "from Santa" for the older children, it might make sense to plan so that that exchange has been done before your family arrives - which should be very possible if you're going for lunch! Even if one of the older cousins mentions that a toy they're playing with is from Santa, the little children needn't be any more confused by that than they would be if the cousins had presents from, say, their other set of grandparents.

Im wondering if he SIL is defensive and controlling about other stuff or if this is the first indication. (Also if the OP is a bit more "outspoken" than shes letting on...;) )

Many a Christmas has been spoiled by the gatekeepers of Christmas magic,IME.

It is beyond me how people get so uptight about Santa!!!! I remember when my DC were at school there was nearly a fist fight in the playground between the "I don't lie to my DC" parents and the "Santa is an essential part of a magical Xmas" parents!!!!

Given most people aren't religious and most people don't even get the actual origins of Santa, I cannot understand why anyone would think Christmas is more or less magical with or without Santa.

My DC were scared of the dressed up man with a white beard and red suit and positively horrified by the idea of a man coming down into the house via the chimney, so Santa was very low key in our household, which suited me just fine. I told them the story of the actual Saint Nicholas because I thought it was a nice story and just said that his good deeds lived on today in Santa Claus. I neither lied nor blew the whole thing out of the water by saying it was all make believe. I also asked them to respect that other children might like the idea that a magical man delivered gifts and came down their chimney and they shouldn't spoil that for them.

I think people just need to stay proportionate!

I like your approach OP, kudos to you. My kids were (still are!) little cynics and would question everything, and I felt I was telling them ridiculous lies that in no way would stand up in a court of law! It was such a relief when the youngest one stopped believing when she was 6 and I didn’t have to lie anymore. I swore her to secrecy amongst her friends and she felt really grown up knowing something they didn’t. She still throws it back at us that we lied about Santa “You tell us not to tell lies!” little rat!!

You aren’t weird at all. What is weird is the Santa story when you think about it. What is weird is threatening your kids Santa won’t come. What is also weird is Santa giving extravagant gifts to some kids and not others. Wish I’d done what you’re doing.

I think people over think FC a bit too much. Loads of children don’t believe, or only half believe, in him even if they keep up the pretence with their parents. If children genuinely believed a strange man crept into their bedroom at night, they would be terrified.