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Original poster

Would this be embarrassing in your family?

212 replies

Lorecan · 14/10/2025 23:06

I know it’s only trivial but it’s hit a nerve.

So my family finds everything embarrassing. As a result I’m rarely able to say anything meaningful or share a soppy toast ona birthday for example. I think it comes from Dh who finds any expression of emotion saccharine. DC have followed suit.

Yesterday we watched Baby Boom (in memory of Diane Keaton who is a fav of mine) and I really enjoyed it. As the credits rolled I raised my mug and said “RIP Diane”.

Apparently I was being embarrassing! I’m hardly a soppy git and quite low key myself but it would be nice to occasionally be a bit more emotional

anyone else have families like this?

OP posts:
WaryHiker · 15/10/2025 00:58

Lorecan · 14/10/2025 23:06

I know it’s only trivial but it’s hit a nerve.

So my family finds everything embarrassing. As a result I’m rarely able to say anything meaningful or share a soppy toast ona birthday for example. I think it comes from Dh who finds any expression of emotion saccharine. DC have followed suit.

Yesterday we watched Baby Boom (in memory of Diane Keaton who is a fav of mine) and I really enjoyed it. As the credits rolled I raised my mug and said “RIP Diane”.

Apparently I was being embarrassing! I’m hardly a soppy git and quite low key myself but it would be nice to occasionally be a bit more emotional

anyone else have families like this?

I thought that was very sweet and appropriate of you. Not embarrassing at all.

But I come from a neurodiverse family and know some of our family members are hypersensitive and easily embarrassed, so I would just ignore their comments if I was confident I hadn't done anything particularly out of the way.

Goldenbear · 15/10/2025 00:55

It's cynical to see it as 'performative' and actually that says more about the person having those thoughts as their default position is evidently, a certainty that everything is all about them!

UnRavellingFast · 15/10/2025 00:52

Hysterectomynext · 15/10/2025 00:20

I don’t think it’s embarrassing at all so maybe I’m just weird. My children are constantly embarrassed by me though. I don’t often care. It’s not worth being stifled I think.
the comments here about what you did being performative- which seems to be the problem- but surely it was done in front of family as a conscious gesture. So why can’t that be ok?

if you were singing happy birthday to someone would that also be embarrassing? Because it’s performative. What’s allowed?

And whilst I’m on the subject- you lot saying how cringy and performative- were you out banging your pots and pans on Thursdays five years ago? Now that was cringy and performative

Oh lord I remember one person on our local FB page saying she hasn’t heard much noise from such and such street and let’s ‘shame them into doing better’.

Bobiverse · 15/10/2025 00:37

Lorecan · 14/10/2025 23:43

I was sat on the sofa in the semi dark and said 4 words. I can’t believe anyone would think I was being performative. Sentimental, sure. But why is that a bad thing? DK was one of the few celebs that meant something to me. She gave me hours of enjoyment.

And was an apologist of an abuser, and remained his close friend and supporter.

WirralCyrille · 15/10/2025 00:33

Not cringey at all. OH and I have occasionally raised a glass to a departed musician after hearing about their death.

Hysterectomynext · 15/10/2025 00:27

MinPinSins · 14/10/2025 23:54

They are pretty cringey and would be mocked in my family.

Would definitely be laughed at as weird and performative in my family.

Show quote history

its so fascinating to me that you are comfortable saying your family would mock someone if they felt embarrassed by them. So being someone who makes fun of and tries to make them feel bad- that’s ok?

if my family mocked anyone just for being themselves that would be very sad. It wouldn’t happen though because we are all allowed to show our emotions and express ourselves in all our different ways

LaughingAloudAsWeGoInsane · 15/10/2025 00:27

I would cringe because it feels performative as others have said. When I heard Diane Keaton had died, I asked my partner if he had seen that she had. We both talked about the films we’d seen her in and said it was sad. I can’t imagine waiting til the end of a film to raise a glass and say ‘RIP Diane’. It’s performative and seemed as if you planned it. I’m quite an emotional person but I hate attention seeking, performative grief, grief vultures etc.

LBFseBrom · 15/10/2025 00:22

Quite an appropriate remark in the circumstances, certainly not OTT.

Hysterectomynext · 15/10/2025 00:20

I don’t think it’s embarrassing at all so maybe I’m just weird. My children are constantly embarrassed by me though. I don’t often care. It’s not worth being stifled I think.
the comments here about what you did being performative- which seems to be the problem- but surely it was done in front of family as a conscious gesture. So why can’t that be ok?

if you were singing happy birthday to someone would that also be embarrassing? Because it’s performative. What’s allowed?

And whilst I’m on the subject- you lot saying how cringy and performative- were you out banging your pots and pans on Thursdays five years ago? Now that was cringy and performative

DesertIslandDreams · 15/10/2025 00:12

I don't find it performative, cringey or embarrassing: it would be completely normal in our family. RIP Diane.

youalright · 15/10/2025 00:08

Sorry I would laugh at you if you did that in my family

Vodkamartini3olives · 15/10/2025 00:07

Not at all. I said the same about Dame Maggie Smith at the end of the Downton film.

spoonbillstretford · 15/10/2025 00:05

GinAndJuice99 · 15/10/2025 00:02

What a miserable bunch of people on this thread. I'd have loved your little tribute. Keep on being you.

Hear hear.

Goldenbear · 15/10/2025 00:03

It would be fine in my family but equally, I was brought up with parents who would/are like that so it's not alien behaviour to me. DH's family are mostly the same as mine probably more so.

GinAndJuice99 · 15/10/2025 00:02

What a miserable bunch of people on this thread. I'd have loved your little tribute. Keep on being you.

spoonbillstretford · 15/10/2025 00:00

JaniceBattersby · 14/10/2025 23:43

In my house we would all have pissed our sides and then for the next decade every time we saw Diane on telly we’d have raised our mugs and said RIP Diane and pissed ourselves some more. Sorry.

That in itself sounds pretty performative to me. Are your family auditioning for Gogglebox?

spoonbillstretford · 14/10/2025 23:58

BerryTwister · 14/10/2025 23:47

This

Show quote history

How it is performative? To whom is the OP performing? It's heartfelt, not performative. If you want to do better in life, for goodness' sake learn the difference and stop sneering at sincerity.

FeeFiFoFummy · 14/10/2025 23:56

JaniceBattersby · 14/10/2025 23:43

In my house we would all have pissed our sides and then for the next decade every time we saw Diane on telly we’d have raised our mugs and said RIP Diane and pissed ourselves some more. Sorry.

the next decade! 😂

MinPinSins · 14/10/2025 23:54

Lorecan · 14/10/2025 23:26

But what about all the people queuing up to pay their respects to the Queen? I was paying my respects in a very understated way. Im not one for worshipping celebrities but I’ve always admired DK. Plus she’s been in films that are extremely nostalgic for me. A quick line is cringey?

They are pretty cringey and would be mocked in my family.

Would definitely be laughed at as weird and performative in my family.

BerryTwister · 14/10/2025 23:47

dontcomeatme · 14/10/2025 23:14

I think it's because you come across as "performative".
You could have said "aw it's such a shame she died I love her as an actress". That's not cringey or embarrassing.
But to raise your glass to the dead and say RIP is performative behaviour, that's what's embarrassing them x

This

Original poster
Lorecan · 14/10/2025 23:43

I was sat on the sofa in the semi dark and said 4 words. I can’t believe anyone would think I was being performative. Sentimental, sure. But why is that a bad thing? DK was one of the few celebs that meant something to me. She gave me hours of enjoyment.

OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 14/10/2025 23:43

In my house we would all have pissed our sides and then for the next decade every time we saw Diane on telly we’d have raised our mugs and said RIP Diane and pissed ourselves some more. Sorry.

spoonbillstretford · 14/10/2025 23:40

TheBirdintheCave · 14/10/2025 23:32

If I did that in my house, or even with my extended family to be honest, everyone would join in 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t find it weird at all.

Me too. She just raised her mug, people are going on like she made a speech and filled everyone's glasses with champagne. Though that would have also have been nice 😅

TheBirdintheCave · 14/10/2025 23:32

If I did that in my house, or even with my extended family to be honest, everyone would join in 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t find it weird at all.

FeeFiFoFummy · 14/10/2025 23:31

Lorecan · 14/10/2025 23:26

But what about all the people queuing up to pay their respects to the Queen? I was paying my respects in a very understated way. Im not one for worshipping celebrities but I’ve always admired DK. Plus she’s been in films that are extremely nostalgic for me. A quick line is cringey?

It wasn’t understated. It was a toast, if you just said “aww shame she died” then THAT is understated.