Would this be embarrassing in your family?

I'm with you @Lorecan . I watched the Elvis movie again on Sunday and heard myself declare at the end he really was the greatest .If my DH had pulled me up on it I would have thought he had no soul lol!
I loved watching Diane Keaton and will do something similar at the weekend when I plan to watch something.
I work for someone who is obsessed with dates and births and deaths so we are always toasting and watching something in tribute.
Also what are the programmes which are shown when a celebrity dies if not a nod to them.
Every November I have a Freddie night have done since his death in 1991. I am in no way celebrity obsessed but celebrating greatness in our culture chats wrong with that.

I’m quite an emotional person, we definitely talk about how we feel as a family and we are not scared to cry in front of each other etc, but I would find this performative. When famous people have died that we’ve liked, we have talked about them and things they did which we liked, I have even shed a tear if they’ve been young, but to raise a glass and say ‘RIP Diane’, as if you knew her is cringe. You weren’t expressing how you felt, you were just performing and it seems a planned performance too, to wait til after the credits.

In my household growing up we would absolutely have taken the piss and if a visitor had done it it would be a family joke, tale or even nickname for years to come ….

But even my parents have mellowed from the ‘cool’ in their old age, they love a good verse written in a card now.

Ive decided with my husband that we need to be careful not to allow the need to be cool to override the need to be kind, we are all pretty cool still but my childhood was so sarcastic and hip that there was sometimes no room for being deep or authentic. I took it into my early twenties and feel the need to be cool probably hindered me.

A bit of balance is probably needed. Like the recent op whose husband couldn’t cope with his 6 year olds like of K-pop songs. Surely you can be cool and but not relentlessly hip, sarcastic, cold and shaming of anything that isn’t.

Are we related 🤣

@spoonbillstretford I’m doing fine in life thank you!

I think it’s sweet.

Lordy, people are so uncomfortable with feelings and we wonder why there are so many struggling with loneliness, depression, anxiety.

Op, continue to be soft and kind the world needs more people who are.

This is cringe.

I would totally do something like this around people who get the vibe (although Id also make it overdramatic knowing me), but my DP is used to me goofing around and I keep it confined to our home lol. He wouldnt mind.

Yep, still weird!

This isnt trivial, and it’s nothing to do with Diane Keaton. That’s a tactical (ie low-level everyday) issue, but it has strategic importance, as an old boss of mine would say.

I feel like the real post is in your follow-up comment - sick of living in an emotionless vacuum. I would have been fine with your little toast to DK and would feel just as you do if my family had reacted in the way yours did.

What is this really about? Say more words OP. How long have you felt like this? How else do your family’s attitudes to feelings being expressed show up? Has it always been like this? How are you with friends and how do they respond when you’re demonstrative?

This is the important bit. I feel for you that you live like that.

I think you need a slightly thicker skin. Many of us express our emotions differently. If your DH and DC found this embarrassing that’s fine let them. It doesn’t mean you should change your behaviour.

I do think it was a bit odd, personally I find the toast on a very different level to expressing your emotions in conversation and saying I’m really sad she died, I loved her films, my favourite was…,etc etc

But ultimately who gives a shit what I or anyone else thinks. Your actions aren’t hurting anyone. Just own it. I’m sure you feel embarrassed by your families perceived lack of emotions at times too

I just wanted to add OP, I grew up in a house where you were embarrassed all the time and mocked and I really didn’t like it. If you want things to change I would start openly showing emotion and who cares if they’re embarrassed. The more you do it the more normal it will be.

No, it really isn't.

It wasn't performative or mawkish, or any other of that nonsense. Instead, it was a sentimental moment of acknowledging someone's life and talent.

@Lorecan was at home with the people she should be able to trust the most with her feelings; instead they've ridiculed her and made her feel like she's not just different, but that she's weird. I'm sure they love her but they were mean and disrespectful. OP, I think what you did was a sweet, simple thing. Too bad your family is so repressed.

Hi OP, I really don’t think you did anything embarrassing at all. In fact, I think it was a nice nod to an admired actress 💐. The fact your family had a problem with it is more telling on them, not you.

I think it’s really sad your family feel like they do OP, you should be able to be yourself always and that was truly not a cringe moment, I wouldn’t reflect on it at all.

If i did that i would get stared at blankly, then a few laughs at me.. so I wouldn't do it. Too cringey

Sounds cringey to me.

I cringed a bit at that to be fair.

OMG, this is hilarious! Nicely done 😂

"aw it's such a shame she died I love her as an actress" ... so much less emotional than OP's excessively demonstrative two-word toast.

There you go, @Lorecan, you just need to say "Aww" a lot while expressing intimate feelings for dead celebrities, and no-one will think you're trying to perform inappropriate grief. According to some respondents here 😏

This is risible. The op is hardly a grief vulture. Dramatic much?

Not cringe at all to raise a glass.

Same here! I am an unsentimental, default sarcastic cow who never cries, for what it's worth. I think it was a nicely-judged nod to Keaton's memory. It's not as if you threw yourself to the floor in a wailing paroxysm of grief, for Christ's sake.

Your husband sounds like a miserable, repressive git. I'm cutting your kids some slack because they will adopt the dominant model, which is obviously their cold-blooded father's. I feel sorry for them; this will cause them problems in life.

I feel sorrier for you, though.

Absolutely fine, don't doubt yourself. Your DH lacks emotional intelligence.

What I find bizarre is that anyone in your family had a reaction at all - it’s such a non-thing, in this house no one would have even noticed.

how can you be made to feel bad or embarrassed by that? It’s crazy! I would feel totally stifled in that environment: that’s more of the issue, isn’t it? You can’t be you?

but honestly, this is their problem. And yes, RIP DK! raises a row of mugs