Would this be embarrassing in your family?

I really can’t understand this repression at all. And not being able to be yourself in front of your family. For fear of being mocked and humiliated. It’s really sad to me. What if you want to dance? Or sing and you don’t have a good voice? Would you be tormented and teased for ever more? Isn’t this embarrassment the actual problem here? Not being able to accept something so harmless and emotional without making it all about their feelings.

I find it really weird that people find this cringey 😮. If a celebrity has died and me and my dp admired them and they were on tv we would raise a glass to them also (if we had drink in our hands) we're hardy, tough Scots btw😂

Who are these weirdos saying that is cringe? Perfectly fine in a private space.

This. Nothing cringe about it. Don't let them stop you from expressing yourself OP.

My family is tightly buttoned, but I think it was a lovely thing to say to remember her.

OP there is absolutely nothing wrong in raising a glass/mug to someone who has passed away who you respected/liked and saying RIP. I've done the same in the past and I'm not ashamed of it. I don't understand why it's cringe and embarrassing to acknowledge someone who has passed away?

I used to find my mum embarrassingly performative when I was younger. I really dislike it.

I then become one myself and embarrassed my kids!

All good now. I make extra efforts to show no such behaviour with my eldest and my youngest takes me as I am and isn't bothered any longer. I'm really not that bad at all. My mum was much worse and still is (she likes hugging trees and make her show of it how she can feel its energy) 😁

It might have given your DH the ick 😆

I thought exactly the same!
OP - Don’t lose your personality because you have to think that the smallest comment may be perceived cringy!

I'm not at all emotionally repressed. Openly cry if I need to, tell my family how much I love them etc.

But I would have cringed a bit at your toast! It is something my FIL would do, and does have a performative element - which is why I would have cringed. FIL loves toasts and speeches and having everyone's attention on him. I am the opposite.

However, I wouldn't really class an 'RIP celebrity' toast as emotional expression. How do your family respond if you are genuinely upset about something - if a pet died, or a family member? Would they be embarrassed by your grief, or supportive @Lorecan?

Yes, this. It is generally accepted that I will cry at a cornflakes advert. My husband will ‘aww, so sweet’ whilst smothering a laugh, and the kids may giggle and suggest we don’t put Alien Earth on tonight as it won’t pass the mummy censor. But it’s good humoured and clearly from a place of love. My friends would laugh good naturedly too.

I feel bad for OP as this environment does not sound healthy. Everyone should feel safe in their own homes - and that includes feel safe enough to be an emotional plonker without negative judgement.

We are very open with our emotions as a family. Most of us have felt upset when a celebrity we liked has died and we talk about them, their music, films, sports or whatever they did that we admired and enjoyed and may even have a bit of a cry. We wouldn’t make a toast to them though, as others have said, that seems awkward and performative. It would probably make me laugh if someone did it, which I would try my best to stifle. 😬 The people I know that have done similar are quite attention seeking.

I couldn't agree more with this.

I really dislike those who project their lack of emotional connection onto others - dismissing them as cringe and performative.

I would far more prefer to be in the company of someone like OP, over folk who mock others for things like OP's little tribute.

It is indeed no wonder we have a serious mental health crisis when piss taking cringing, and being embarrassed is the default to another's display of emotion.

In any case OP, you have bigger issues than your mug toast. Your home isn't one I could be happy in, personally. I would absolutely hate having to sit on how I felt all the time, edit any little show of emotion - no matter how overly sentimental. I couldn't live like that.

Your family needs to bloody get over themselves! There was nothing cringey about showing some respect to somebody you admire. How strange? It’s not like you ran up and down the road in your bra and knickers ffs!

Some people are very self conscious and this is pretty much all down to familial norms IME. I'm not surprised by it as my family and tbh friends, regularly do things like this.

Nope would of been fine in my household. We are all very open empathic and no topics off the table for discussion. I really do believe it's a healthier way to live.

My dh did come from a repressed stifling family he had to re learn everything but is so much better for it we all are. I think either way life has a way of humbling us. At some point we will all need help with something embarrassing.

I think it becomes annoying when someone is always the one to have the most words to say, or most intense feelings, or the most emotional reaction. It's like even when something happens to someone else, they want to centre themselves in the situation. Yes it is performative.

There's this guy I went to school with on my FB and he does this for any celebrity that he reads has died. He makes a post and acts like he really knew and liked them. I know he probably didnt because some are really vague band members and people like that. Might have known them vaguely or knew the band. The thing about this guy is that he has SEN so it is understandable in a sense. He hasn't really emotionally matured since secondary school.

I'm puzzled as to how it can be performative unless you stood up, banged on your glass to announce a toast and then spent an age wailing about her.

You were watching a film which has someone who has recently died and it was a part of the discussion pre film. At the end was a natural time to start talking, I imagine you already had a drink in your hand so it just seemed like a nice thing to do.

I could imagine myself doing it too especially when it feels like the end of an era.

I have to admit I do think this is a bit cringey. It’s certainly not something I would ever do, and I’d probably think you were joking and laugh… but then I’d immediately feel bad when it was clear you weren’t and keep my sniggering internal instead. Sorry!

I liked her but raising your mug to toast her memory is performative and ott. Remarking “oh it’s sad” is normal. But raising mugs to dead strangers in front of your family is not something I’d find normal either. They are not repressed from what you’re saying.

people must be horrendously oppressed if they find that cringey. I was never a massive George Michael fan but I find his death tragic and I feel very nostalgic about his early music. I always say the same thing when he’s played on the radio. It might be one of the stupid little things they remember about me when I’m gone. I would personally wouldn’t make myself smaller for other people. If my family tried to shut me up I’d double my efforts 100%. I’d start to refer to them as the cyborgs… “ oh here he comes The Tin man… still trying to find his heart “

Same for me as a Greek (I'm also possibly "English", I noticed your typo 🤣 I'm possibly ND), it's more common than you'd think!

It's anything furry or fluffy or feathery for me really and I'm on board.

Sensitive lot on this thread, aren’t they? Cringing at a tiny toast.

I adored Diane Keaton and shed a tear or two when I read she had passed away. I don't think what you did was cringey at all! It's not as if you were in a crowded pub and stood up, banged on a glass and made a speech about her for half an hour. You raised a mug and said two words!

Being with our family should be a safe space to express ourselves. I wonder if DH has trained the kids to bottle up their emotions and they're afraid to show them in case they get mocked.