To be upset my mum said this

Just see less of her.

So she was 16 when she got pregnant, your dad was an adult at 21/22. So really she was a victim here too. Your dad then left her to raise a 1 year old by herself when she was only 18 and already had another partner within a year. Perhaps if your dad had made more of an effort at this point it could have turned out differently for your mum and you. I really don't think your dad is covered in glory here.

Not to say your mum hasn't messed up as you were growing up. She should have made more of an effort to at least get 50/50 custody. But a 21 year old having sex with a 16 year old is grim.

How old was your mum and how old was your Dad when they had you?

It did sound like you lived with you mum for a while (two years) and only saw your Dad once a week, then lived with her again at your Nan’s.

Im wondering if your mum was quite young, hence living with her mum and her finding parenting difficult with you, but easier once she was more mature and had your siblings?

She’s deflecting.

It’s easier for her to put blame on you about the state of your relationship rather than hold her hands up and admit fault.

Ya, it is a confusing thing to hear. I don't blame you for feeling this way. Id be the same. I wouldn't be getting involved with them not getting on or blaming each other if I were you. It's their stuff really and nothing to do with you. It may come as a bit of a relief too to realise that! I would focus on the good bits. If they are separated, chances are that they do have different points of view of how things were and that may need to just be accepted unfortunately. I'm sorry this happened. Do get support/be kind to yourself if needed, it's a well deserved reward from it! 🩷

OP, slightly different as I was nearly 12 but I stayed with my dad when my parents split up in the 1980's. It was very unusual than and I have a lot of hangups from it. I felt like there must be something wrong with me as she managed to bring up my elder siblings but I wasn't quite worth it? I still have abandonment issues now and stayed in some relationships I shouldn't have when I was younger. My mum died young at 60, when I was 37 and I feel lucky that I had a number of years where I rebuilt my relationship with her and we were very close when she died. She told me her reasons, of which I was too young to know or understand and the time. It must be hard that your mum gets a re-do and what she said to you is so harsh, perhaps unforgiveable. I hope you find peace.

I wonder if the younger children are asking uncomfortable questions about why you didn't live with them growing up, so your mother has gone on the attack. Is your relationship with extended maternal family good OP, is there anyone you could trust to be honest with you about your early life. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

I'm not sure why you are blaming OP for disrespecting her mum. She was a child with no agency who wasn't consulted about where she would live and how often she would see her mum. She was only two when her parents split up.

She is the victim, not the perpetrator. It is completely unfair of her mum to make such a distinction between OP and the three kids that she didn't abandon.

Whatever happened between them all, your mum treated you very differently to her younger DC - not OK, and what she said to you was horrible.

Abandoned is an interesting word to use when you lived with your dad and seen your mum weekly, that's a pretty normal set up for separated parents. The language and the fact you said your dad and step mum said nothing nice about her suggests that she may have dealt with disrespect from you and your dad throughout your life.

I think when some people suspect that they're in the wrong they go on the attack as a distraction. This is on her not you OP.

There may be some truth in it if they didn't get on and separated but if I were you, I would stay close to the people who put in the hard graft with the day to day stuff. Who made sure you had the clothes/food school things you needed. Who made sure your needs were taken care of growing up. Even if she put a distance there for the reason she mentioned, she would have still been making sure from a distance you were up to date with school/other needs. That is what will tell you the most on how to interpret this. If she didn't step up, it's not your fault, you were only little. She may have indeed been a bit immature/struggling herself

Do you think you've been made to feel abandoned by your mum or both sides?

Absolutely pathetic on her part.

Terrible that she cant own her bad decisions and poor behaviour.

horrible thing for her to say. rather than acknowledge her responsibility for her failures as a parent she is blaming others, including you, to you, to whom she caused harm. Galling. Further evidence of how she let you down, and is still doing so.

Fucking hell. this is awful OP, I’m really sorry you’ve been treated like this. My guess is she feels guilty for being a shit mum to you and abandoning you, and is now making up this bullshit about feeling disrespected to justify it. She is focussing on her new family as spending time with you means facing some u comfortable truths. 💐

She saw you every week, yet you describe her as abandoning you. Its unusual for the mum not to be the primary carer but if a dad that saw there child weekly they wouldn't be considered to have abandoned there child.

How young was she?

Do you respect her? Why do you think she doesn't think you do?

So your mum kept up a relationship with you and you felt loved. I am wondering why she is feeling you have no respect for her. It makes no sense for her to say this now. Does she have MH issues?

Your mother sounds selfish and a piece of work.
Not someone to have much respect for.
You need to counselling counselling, but I wouldn't shed any tears over someone with so little self awareness and cop on.

She has decided to blame you for her being a waste of space, rather than take responsibility for her choices.