I’m worried about DS’s engagement

Only say something if you want to ruin your relationship with them. He is his own man. If you're worried about them divorcing and not having a property in his own name then maybe encourage him to start saving for one. I assume they have lots of disposable income if she has a house bought for her and he has no rent/ mortgage to pay?

Poor chap has just got engaged, to someone he presumably loves.
What's with the "when they divorce" nonsense?

Plus, nowhere in this thread is there any indication of his "career {having} gone".

You are just making stuff up to fit your own imagination.

How is his career gone? Do you actually know what an NGO is? The UN and World Economic Forum are NGOs and you’d hardly say people working there having thrown their careers away.

He can save what he isn’t paying on rent and it sounds like you don’t like her taste in home decor.

He’s not paying any rent or mortgage though. He’s basically living for free. So he can put that money aside or buy an investment property.

6k on an engagement ring that she will keep when they divorce. A flat she will keep. Career gone. He really has all his eggs in one basket and not in his favour at all. Let's hope he has some right to a share of the flat/house if the worse happens.

What “circumstances”? That her son wanted a meaningful job over a profit making one and his fiancée comes from a wealthy family that (rightly) have ensured her interests are protected?

I voted YANBU because I think it’s perfectly understandable to feel the way you do given the circumstances.
However….
if you start to interfere and express your concerns it will only lead to your son distancing himself further and the rift that seems to be developing between you getting bigger.
I would for now keep quiet and see how things play out.

My husband always says, he built our house (refurbed Irish cottage with extension) but I designed it. He is very proud of that too.

Your post seems to be based on your perceptions of how future DIL and her family are rather than based on any concerning interactions you've had with them. I'd put these out of your mind and get to know them more before expressing any worries to your son. There's nothing wrong with suggesting he invests in his own property, keeps a savings pot in his name, own pension etc, as long as this is the same sensible advice you are giving to your other son.

Presumably he could go back to working in the private sector if his financial situation changes in the future? If he's having his life subsidised to some extent by his fiancee and her family, then he can choose to earn less without taking a hit to his standard of living so why not?

MIL was like this with my DH's brother. His wife comes from money and she was convinced BIL preferred her family. Since MIL passed away and we've spent more time with BIL, this is clearly not the case and the gripes she used to have about him not replying to her messages etc are just how he is as an adult, as he is just as flaky with us!

I think it’s wonderful that DS can now choose a lower paid but more fulfilling job. Imagine if he had to take the highest paying job he could get, OP would be complaining that the fiancée was forcing him to work long hours in a job he hates just to accommodate her lifestyle.

It really sounds to me like he has landed on his feet, I’m really happy for them.

You sound like a potential dreaded MIL! Interfering and finding faults in how your son lives his life since he met his partner. There really isn't anything that you said in your post that warrants your concern. He sounds like a responsible young man who is happy in his work and personal life. You really need to mind your own business! I get he is your son but that doesn't give you the right to interfere in how he lives his life. He is 28 years old! Just be there to offer your support should he ever need it and leave it at that!

I‘m confused by some of this to be honest. If the focus is him having nothing to show property-wise in ten years time, he hasn’t paid for the property he’s living in, why should he be entitled to any of it?

Look at this from the other perspective - imagine YOU funded the property to give your son a stable life etc … you’d be posting about wanting a clause in place to prevent her being able to take half of it leaving him homeless if they have that divorce in ten years … ?

Also, plenty of 30-somethings don’t own their own property these days.

You can only let your DS follow his path. Be there for him. Welcome her. Treat her as a daughter. The ball is then in her court. Don't give any reason for ds to become distant from his parents, siblings.
Just be there if/when he needs you. Difficult, I know.
We all make decisions that seem right at the time.
With hindsight, I wouldn't have married the first time. My parents never let on until I told them I was getting a divorce that they had never liked him or trusted him. Yet they always treated him the same as anyone else in the family.

Mind your own business 🙄 seriously you want to say something because YOU don’t think he had any say in the bloody colour scheme of THEIR home? Come on.

my thoughts exactly. Op sounds a bit grabby!

good for the girls parents to hold it all in trust!

Take it from one who knows, when it comes to adult kids you do and say nothing . Be there to pick up the pieces should it all go drastically wrong but if I’ve learnt anything it’s that adult kids hate hate hate parents having an opinion or god forbid interfering. Vent to your partner or a close trustworthy friend but not to your AC.

If my son met someone and she helped him figure out where he wants to be in his career I’d be happy. If they’d moved in together and it was nicely decorated I’d be happy. If he spent £6000 on an engagement ring I’d be over the moon. You’re clearly one of those mums looking for an issue where there is none

I really want to see the abstract orange Charles dickens portrait.

You sound like one of those MILs.

She has a ‘domineering personality’ because she’s decorated a flat in her taste? Do you think he actually cared enough to offer much of an opinion? Generally men don’t care as much about decor, but also it’s her flat!

’Something he would never have said til he met her’. People grow and change. You don’t know him as well as you think you do as he’s now a grown adult with other influences.

You need to be more open minded, get to know her, attempt to like her and welcome her into the family or you will likely lose him.

Very unreasonable. Like others have said our home is entirely my taste decor even though we share finances because DH has no taste/couldn’t care less. Working for an NGO is a good thing if he likes it and if his partner is well off that gives him financial flexibility. You sound very judgy.

You’re complaining about his housing situation when he gets to live rent free? Seriously that’s so entitled, I can’t believe you can’t see how lucky he is compared to others.

also can’t believe you are judging him for wanting to do a job with meaning and purpose.

i judge you love.

i jointly own our home with my husband and it’s all decorated to my taste. It doesn’t mean anything.

i want to know why you think he should be entitled to a property he hasn’t financially contributed to?

I think the portrait of his favourite author but in her aesthetic preference sounds like a lovely compromise.

You don't know how his life is going to pan out but you cannot interfere. However, if things don't pan out. He has made his bed. Let him lie in it.

His problem. Not yours