Upset with long time friends - long

No I’m definitely not 😆. I do think this is all a bit OTT though!

I think the same. I’ve got a friendship group and we do lots together. I don’t like spa days, they all go on a lot of them without me. Indeed they don’t ask me anymore because they know I won’t go. I don’t get upset because of it! People are entitled to have lives outside of our group.

Oh god, are you the friend who didn’t buy her ticket? (Joking ☺️☺️)

Out of interest did the other two contact you op and apologise?

Are you the one in the group who isn’t married?

Personally I think part of being mature is realising that you’re not the centre of attention in other’s lives. My oldest friends do loads without me with their own friends and that doesn’t bother me. Equally I do the same with my newer friends. It’s not that my oldest friend isn’t important to me, just that I have a different dynamic with my newer friends that I may have met through work/uni etc. I think the benefit of long term friendship is that we don’t get offended ie we don’t everything together but the friendship is still strong.

This sounds like a massive overreaction to me. People are allowed to go out without you, nobody set out to “hurt” you and I think you risk losing a lot more than you’ve bargained for. You sound really needy.

Women in particular behave peculiarly within their friendships all the time, out of the blue, and it’s so hurtful. It usually happens to the overly-caring, generous friends or the perceived underdogs turned successful (marrying a great partner, doing exceptionally well in career or similar). I know there are plenty of women who are secure enough to support their friends, but many harbour secret resentment and only support your successes while they feel those are still below their own. Things change when the balance tips. If any of this rings true for your friendship group and dynamic then you’re probably at the mercy of an insecure friend. The good news is that this is more about her/them than you. If this doesn’t ring true for you, then maybe it was a genuine oversight. It feels like a big one to me though. Not one of them noticed and mentioned whilst these plans were being made? For what’s it worth, I think you set a lovely boundary; “there is still love here, but I need to heal”. How wonderful to be so raw and vulnerable. How powerful. Well done.

I hope you do get it worked out, I know it must have stung regardless of the intent behind it.

OP might need to treat them individually if she wants any kind of resolution that preserves the friendships, I imagine the different personalities might have different appetites for depth of apology based on the response that the first of them got.

This was really hurtful of them. Your text was very measured in my opinion.

I think it's generally accepted that a few members of a larger group meeting up without every single other member is fine and normal. Indeed, sometimes it's so hard to arrange a date that everyone can do, that if the 'rule' was that 'the group' could only meet if everyone could attend nobody would ever see each other.

What's not fine is leaving just one person out, as happened in OP's case. You referred to not inviting 'the others,' i.e. plural which suggests actually you can tell the difference too.

I would be hurt too OP, even more so because they included one of the daughters, but didn't think about you. There doesn't seem to be any rationale, it's not like you don't like that activity or whatever. When/how did they even decide about it? If it was at a get together that you knew about and couldn't make, that's maybe a bit understandable (although still upsetting), but if one of them thought about it, then messaged the other two and at no point any of them considered 'oh and let's ask OP as well,' that's really hurtful.

Basically it's up to you. You're justified in feeling upset but do you want to cut your nose off to spite your face? They're otherwise good friends, they seem to feel bad about it, they tried to make amends (albeit not particularly hard - if they really felt bad I'm sure if they asked the theatre if they could split up the 3 tickets so it's 2 plus 3 rather than 4 together the theatre would have been happy to given it would mean an extra guaranteed ticket sold)...do you want to fall out over this?

Do you think the drinking group are another group in themselves and used to doing things without you and it just happens that your three friends are also in that group?

You are speaking as if you are the only person that is older in age. I have friendships that are fifty years old plus and have obviously lost friends too.

I don’t have any regrets either, but not because I was constantly appeasing and living in fear, but because we have all felt able to be honest, endure difference of opinions and are genuine. Real friends will be able to withstand difficulties and some conflict. The friendship can deepen as a result.

That is why I think being open and honest is key, and the onus now is on the group to make the effort to ensure op is reassured. If this had happened in my group - we would certainly do all we could to make things up to the friend that was hurt.

I think if there's any way that you can also get theatre tickets then do it, even if you end up sitting separately. Then you can all have the shared experience, which your friends have tried to sort out for you, albeit a bit late. I personally would be hurt, but I would also forgive in this circumstance. Friendship is precious, and our friends are human beings with all the faults and mistakes that come with that. I would think about intention here. Did they intend to hurt you? I very much doubt it. When they realised their error, they were upset that you were hurt and tried to sort it out. I think you have to decide what is more important to you here, the long term friendship? Or you holding them to account over their moment of thoughtlessness and possibly losing the friendship as a result. Be gentle with yourself and try to look at what happened with a more dispassionate eye. It sounds like you really need your friends in your life at the moment. I hope it all works out OK in the end xxx

I completely understand why you’re hurt and I would be too in this situation. That being said, they have tried to rectify it by contacting the theatre and although it was unsuccessful, they clearly care enough about you to go to the effort of fixing the situation rather than brushing you off.

Again, I understand you’re hurt, but given the attempt to fix the mistake and the messages from your closest friend I think your text might have been a bit too much. Especially if this is a long established group of friends and there’s been no/little incidents like this in the past.

True friendships can be hard to find, if this is a one off mistake that they’ve tried to fix I’d be reaching out and moving on

If I were you I would stop the sulking today and get back in the game. Thank them for being understanding, tell them you don’t want to drag it out any longer, life’s too short and that you’ll book yourself a season ticket.

I do understand why you are hurt but they seem like good people who want to make it right.

I can totally understand why you're upset, I would be as well.

But I think you've said your piece, and going off in a sulk isn't going to help any. Especially as your friend has apologised and misses you.

At this point, you have to decide what is more important, life-long friendships or a silly over-sight. Has anything like this happened before? If it has, then perhaps you're justified, but if it's the first time, I think you do have to suck it up and let it go.
The older we get, the more we need and should value the people who knew us when we were young and who loved us up into the world. That's too valuable to throw away over some hurt feelings.

The one friend that has offered an apology is fine of course, and the other/others?

But OP has told her friends she wants time to think about the friendship (implying that she doesn’t want to be contacted) which puts her friends in an awkward position. Contact her and you risk her getting upset that her boundaries haven’t been respected, don’t contact her and she assumes that they don’t care about her.

I think it was poor of your friends, but ‘sulking’ over it with your ‘withdrawing’ and follow up text message was a bit much.

If I wanted to go to every play in the block, or just one or some, I would find out the dates they’re going and buy my ticket sitting elsewhere and arrange to meet them before and at the interval.

I see why you are hurt as well. At this point it's not even about the ticket , so belatedly trying to get you one is neither here nor there. Had they gotten one , in your shoes I would have been churlish enough to tell them to stick it. Who wants to be an after thought. No matter what they do do, the can't unforget you.

It's not the ticket, it's the unintentional reveal of their attitude towards you and your status in the group which is hurtful.
I have no advice but I get how you feel. It's a bit humiliating. Whether you want to continue with them or phase them out is up to you and how you feel about it after some time has passed and the initial sting has faded .

Three people showing up at the OP’s house with ‘apology flowers’ might be appropriate for accidentally running over the OP’s dog, or a bereavement. It would be a ludicrous over-reaction to her being mildly hurt that they bought theatre season tickets without asking if she wanted to join.

Are you the single one?

It often doesn't work like that though. It’s an emotionally immature way of dealing with things. The friends will just as likely think: ‘Where is OP? She hasn’t spoken to her since I apologised about X. If my apology wasn’t enough, I guess she checked out of the friendship. Let’s carry on without her then, she’s made her feelings clear.’