Would you want to meet your child’s potential in-laws?

They said it’s their only trip this year (the dad may travel to London more often but if it’s for work it’s different than a family holiday). They’ve made plans and there’s no room to meet you. And that’s ok.
If your DS and their DD get married you’ll be living on two opposite sides of the Atlantic so knowing/meeting you or not will make no difference.

You sound overly invested.

We invited PIL down to see our wedding venue a couple of months before. Had dinner with my parents - didn’t go especially well, they’re very different people.

21+ years on, I think they might exchange Xmas cards, but apart from the wedding and DD’s naming day, they’ve never been within 200 miles of each other. Why would they?

"in her circle in Upstate New York their ages wouldn’t be really commented upon"
Ermm they are 26 and 24... am I missing something here😂

Obviously OP you want to meet them it's only natural to want to meet your child's prospective in laws but they are in holidays here so I think they were right to spend the time how they wish.
You will meet them at the wedding and I think that's just part and parcel of them living in so far away America.
Can you not get loads of info on them from son so you feel like you know things about them when you do meet?

Maybe thry don't want to have the possibility that the meeting doesnt go well. What if they or you dont like each other.

I know one person of my generation (early 50s) who married at 26 and she now says ‘What was the rush?’

ETA I’ve just remembered my cousin did also marry at 25, but she’s so wet she once had to come home early from a work trip to a trade fair in Birmingham because she was so homesick — she’d never spent a night away from her mother before.

Americans seem to pack a lot into their trips on social media - they are prob off to stone henge and Edinburgh plus Hamilton and dishoom.

I agree that it’s odd that they don’t seem interested in meeting.

Anericans really don’t get much holiday. Are they regular travelers?
Id say wait. The wedding may not happen. But im sure you will meet when the time is right. In the mean time you could send a nice card saying how much you are looking forward to meeting them before the wedding.

Most people I know (cousins, different friendship groups and work colleagues) got married at this sort of age - all went to university and are professionals (FWIW). All are still married (20ish years, give or take).

ETA: most of us started going out with our future spouses when we were around 20y.

My in laws met my parents at our wedding reception, we'd been together for ten years by the time we got married. It wasn't a conscious decision to keep them apart, it just never seemed that important (to any of us).

For 48 hours, no, but they’re in London for a full week. Not too hard to spare an hour. Even if they’ve scheduled like crazy, they’ll still stop periodically for lunch or a cup of coffee.

I’d be way more worried he’s marrying a ‘very sweet’ girl who’s never had a boyfriend before him, who must have been all of nineteen when she met him, and whose ‘circle’ is conservative enough for marrying absurdly young to be unremarkable.

And yes, why will it ‘be easier’ if they get married? Easier for whom?.

But yes, I think it’s rude of them. if they’re spending a week in London before they head to Scotland, for them not to spare you an hour in a café?

I’m from the US and dh from the UK. We got married quite young at a similar age and under similar circumstances (very happily married still nearly 2 decades later).

My mum met Dh’s family once before the wedding. She came over to look at wedding venues. It was a good week long trip especially around planning the wedding.

Honestly, I think if I was only somewhere for 48 hours, and probably have pre-existing plans, I wouldn’t want a formal meeting with the in laws. I’d rather meet them under more relaxed circumstances. First meetings are a big deal and maybe they feel they need to host you properly. Or maybe they just don’t have time to travel to you for an official get together. I don’t necessarily think it’s a big deal given how short the trip is.

Can you travel to the US soon to see your ds and meet them?

If you are so desperate to meet them then could you take a trip to the states to visit them? It’s not unreasonable of them to not want to take time out of their holiday to come and meet you

If you expect them to travel somewhere outside London, or to the far reaches of London, YABU.

If you are willing to meet them near their hotel or your home is easily accessible from central London, then I find their decision not to see you a bit odd.

If they are actually hosting you next year in their home during a (stressful/busy) wedding period - I would 100% want to meet to check out if I wanted to be under their roof or not!

I think you are odd to be desperate to meet them. I mean what difference will it make? I also think that 25 and 26 ish is not young to be married. And as for the joining families bollocks <insert eyeroll here>

Maybe it’s their only time together as a couple. I wouldn’t take that personally at all. They have their holiday planned out.

They are hosting you next year so I don’t really see the problem? My parents didn’t meet my MIL until our engagement party and have probs seen each other about 3 times since so I don’t think it’s a big deal

My mum and my in laws met on our wedding day. Didn't realise they were supposed to meet up, they lived 12 hours apart.

No - but given the OP’s comment it’s fair to assume that in her social circle and experience, marrying someone at a young age is unusual.

I would also find it a little concerning if any of my children’s future in-laws declined a civil invitation to meet, because that would be unusual and unmannerly in my experience and social grouping.

However I’d put a positive spin on it and remind myself that cultural differences exist and manners vary and that they well be lovely people with very good reasons that are none of my business why they can’t meet this time. It’s nice and a positive sign that they have mentioned hosting the OP on a future occasion.

I would be disappointed too but I guess ultimately it’s their choice! If they are welcoming to your son and are hosting you next year then I’d assume that this is a precious holiday for them and they have their time planned out.

If I was them though I’d be dying to meet up with you and would definitely make time for a coffee especially if you were making the effort to travel to meet me.

Not everyone goes to university?

My parents and in-laws met the day of the our wedding. Neither asked about meeting beforehand. The next time was 2 yrs later at DS's christening. Haven't seen or spoken to one another since and that was 15/13 yrs ago.
They live in the same town about 10 minutes away from each other. My mother has often said she seen mil in the shopping centre but never spoke. Then again mil has often walked by me and DS in the same shopping centre so no surprise there.