Would you want to meet your child’s potential in-laws?

Maybe the parents are not happy with the relationship and are hoping it will fizzle out before they actually get married?

My husband meet my dad twice. Once while he was healthy and he was with me while my dad died. My in laws have never meet my dad. My mother has meet my mother in law once. My family couldnt come to my wedding because of a storm so didnt meet them. It really didnt matter.

My in-laws are like you - getting married is the union of two families, the sooner that gets started the better. They crave time with my parents and we're always having to make excuse for my parents absence from their lives, because...

...my parents are like, the only thing we have in common is your son is married to our daughter, and it's cool that those two love each other, but we've got enough on with the family we've got, we don't need or want any more.

I don't think either is unreasonable, but it's unsettling for both sides when they aren't on the same page.

Then if OPs not that desperate to give up her own time then why should the in laws give up their own time?

I have been married for over 20 years and my in laws and my parents have still never met each other!!

What makes you think she's never had another boyfriend?

In many circles it would be considered very young to be getting married.
Many kids are still in university at 24/25.

I think it’s odd that at the time of planning the trip they and their daughter didn’t talk about trying to arrange to meet you and ex.

But once on the holiday I imagine they are scheduled for other things.

😆
Most of us left university at 18 and never lived at home again and have a lot of travelling under our belt, did a lot of living! We are all mid to late 40s.
I don’t expect many in their 20s these days can afford to do this and people are leaving marriage until later.
Looking forward to my early 50s when DC will be 18+ and we will still be young enough (and hopefully healthy enough) to have a second youth.

I doubt if OP is that desperate as that would involve making a special journey that she is not planning on. These people are holidaying in the UK anyway, so odd that they have no desire to meet.

She knows that, she told us. Not sure why you are repeating it.

I’d want to meet OP, I think it’s rude of them not to have a meal with you whilst they’re nearby.

I think it's weird that they aren't meeting you when they are in London essentially round tne corner from you.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what they said. They planned a holiday to London, and meeting you was never part of that plan. I presume that your son knew they were coming, so if either of you wanted to include a “meet the parents” moment, it should have been arranged in advance.
On a related note, I’m always a little surprised when I hear about couples who are about to get married but whose parents haven’t yet met but I suppose that’s because of my cultural background. In my culture, we usually have an introduction ceremony where both families formally meet. It’s literally a chance to introduce yourselves, and it often marks the official start of wedding planning. It’s also an opportunity to get to know the potential in-laws and see how different family members might contribute to making the wedding celebrations even more special.

Yes, definitely! I can understand them not wanting to come to your house if it is out of their way. But instead of a flat refusal, they could have suggested meeting, perhaps for a meal near their hotel. I mean they must take time out from their busy itinerary to eat! I would find it strange to be coming all the way to the UK anyway and not want to meet their DD's future inlaws. While I am not the most sociable person, I was very happy to meet my future DiLs parents well before wedding.

I think if you were desperate to meet them (that is odd) you should offer to go to London rather than expect them to travel to you. As you live on different continents chances are you won’t see them much unless you visit your son in the States. I would be questioning if this is really what he wants to do and why he thinks it would be easier if they married. Has he got a job out there? What about his visa situation. Is he ok with uprooting his life for a girl who met him hardly out of school? What does he think of his in laws? Those would be important to me rather than a meet up for half an hour with strangers

So you cant meet them at their hotel for a couple of cocktails???

Weird...
What does future DIL say?

I think it’s sad that they declined to meet you.

We've hosted our oldest son’s in-laws twice (they were also travelling from overseas) and met the other in-laws a few times over the years. Yes, they’re different to us in some ways (religion) and very similar in others. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The overseas in-laws treated our youngest child like another grandchild and were incredibly kind towards him.

Why are you "desperate" to meet them, OP? I don't think my parents and in laws ever met again after our wedding - there was just no need. This "merging two families" stuff is pretty much nonsense in the modern world, especially as you'll be living in different countries. And being so keen to meet does sound like you're trying too hard, tbh.

I can’t imagine not doing. I have, in fact.

Presumably easier to be together as you have to be married to live with each other in either country.

Immigration processes to the Sates can take ages to get through up to two years sometimes so that could be why they want to get started.

Immigration to the UK is faster but the financial requirements are much higher.

It’s incredibly rude. They’re in London for a full week, before heading to Scotland — not lounging on a sunlounger or on some complicated road trip or hike.

But then, like a pp, I’d be hoping the marriage never happened, so perhaps the other parents feel similarly. It might be a sign of their good sense.

You probably won’t be the one to choose though. You can’t force someone to meet you. They also
could live the other side of the world.

It’s ridiculously young to get married, especially as they’ve been together for four years, and she’s never had a previous boyfriend.

The average age for brides here (Ireland) is 35.9 and for grooms is 37.7. When you have life and relationships experience under your belt.

You actually cant win with some people unless you do what they want can you...

Receive offer to meet up
Consider offer and decide you dont have time
Politely decline
So basically unless they say yes, thats them being rude even if we have no idea if thats their intention... what???

Can't believe some people would consider this rude, we have no idea what's going on in their lives and marriage. Some of us find meeting new people stressful, especially ones we want to make a good impression on. The idea that its somehow rude to not disrupt your one holiday of the year to meet people you already have plans to meet is bonkers.

I don’t find it strange then again we have been together nearly 20 years and I can count on one hand off the top of my head the times my parents and his parents have been in the same room.