The most important decision a woman will ever make is

I have a friend who is a high earner in a senior job but her life was nearly destroyed by her children’s father. He coercively controlled her and when she ended it he disappeared for a few years. Hurrah. He then reappeared wanting 50/50 custody of the kids but was abusive to them so they didn’t want to go. He alleged they didn’t want to see him because of parental alienation and the courts believed him and threatened her with losing residency of them.

it was a living nightmare for 2 years. It’s been partially resolved now but she still has to do parent with him for another 12 years. The da
age he’s done the kids won’t be undone easily.

so yes, I agree with the OP.

The ability to have second job that you can do from home and pays well is massive.

I followed my Dad’s example and I trained in accountancy and further learnt skills in systems and IT. I've never been short of work, and always had a second job that fits around my life and 3 kids. If I need extra money I can always find it, plus it's mostly home working so less stressful.

I would agree with this.

I trained for a skill that was pretty unknown at the time (despite my mother wanting me to be a teacher "just think of all those holidays" she said ! ) and it had the ability to be self-employed.

So while I wasn't making a mint I was able to support myself and could leave a marriage to a lazy and entitled husband, and survive.

To keep working and to make money to support themselves and their children.

Op wasn’t talking about people who don’t want children, she was talking about people who do.

This. The question of who fathers your children is only the most important one if you become wholly dependent on that person financially.

I’m not going to pretend it is irrelevant because it’s not; clearly it’s something which has the potential to enhance or dilute the quality of your life significantly.

But its only a life limiting step if you let it. If you have the means to support yourself independently you have choices.

You've not been interviewed on the Off Menu podcast then!

🤣🤣

Choosing whether to remain financially independent or to become reliant on a man.

To decide how to use her time on this earth. Whether that’s motherhood, a career, a profession like teaching , caring for others, pursuing a passion , spirituality , finding simple ways to enjoy this one life and not take it too seriously.

Couldn’t agree more, the number one piece of advice I would give to my daughters, not just for their own lives which can be eventually recovered but the impact on their children is lifelong, speaking from experience

Snap 🤣

Peshwari or plain Naan though?

As a lesbian I chose wisely about who would be my child's other mother. 😂

I don't understand what you mean in the second part of your post, but I don't see how the first part disagrees with my post that you quoted. Having the baby and not staying with the 10 minute shag guy may be exactly the right decision if he's a deadbeat and you are ready, willing and able to be a single parent. Choosing not to enter into a ltr (for now at least) is often the wiser choice imo (certainly judging by many of the threads on the Relationship board).

Oh god, that season is upon us soon

Having sex without being prepared to have an abortion afterwards is, of course.

Absolutely. Here's the well-known Gloria Steinem quote on a badge that I would have worn if I'd have needed to get one, back in the day. I'm childfree.

I think its whether you want to be a mother, then who you want the other parent or to do it alone?

Yes, it strikes me as the answer that people want to have - one that would chime with a world that was fair and rewarded effort - rather than a clear eyed view of the napalm effect of having a child with a toxic man and then spending the rest of your life playing a human shield between them and your child.

Considering how many of us struggle with infertility how can it even be considered a choice. I chose to have kids but I don't have them yet, although I am trying every avenue.

I totally disagree with this. I was raised to believe exactly what you have said, I had an excellent career, educated to masters level plus further qualifications, i really wish it had been drilled into me how important having children with the right person is, as much as I had it drilled into me to study and work hard to get a good career so I can be secure and independent. Having children with the person that I did has led to me losing my career and every aspect of myself.

I think the point of this isn’t the ‘having children bit’ it’s the ‘choosing a partner to be tied to’ but that’s important. This could be through children, lack of independence, mixed friends and family or finances. Unfortunately having children can often mean you are bonded in some way for life. There’s so much derailing going on here at the moment.

And yes I agree, I think parents should be teaching their children about ‘red flags’ in a relationship and discussing what a healthy relationship looks like with the same focus if not more than picking a university. We discuss it often in our home

Surely before that it's whether she actually wants to procreate?

One I struggle with!