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Feel absolutely awful after encounter on train

458 replies

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 14:45

I feel awful, and I don’t know if I was or was not being unreasonable. I’ve had to travel by train today. I got on the first train and it was unallocated seating. Sat at an empty table with 2 seats either side. Plugged my phone in, took my coat off, got comfy.

Right before we were due to depart a large lady came huffing down the aisle. I only say this as I heard her the moment she entered the carriage. She stopped at my table and decided to sit opposite me. I smiled and went back to my phone. She was incredibly overweight to the point she had to really push herself in between the table and the seats and took up both empty seats across from me. She was sweating profusely, really out of breath and huffing and puffing, took out an inhaler and was gulping water. She was breathing really heavily on me and dribbling water on the table.

Not the most comfortable situation but whatever, fine. Then I started to get a smell. Can’t describe it really, BO but so much worse. I took out and ate an orange, spritzed some perfume on my collar hoping that would cover the smell. Didn’t work and after 15mins I decided I had to move. I got up and started getting my coat and bag and she said ‘Where are you going?’. I said ‘sorry?’, kinda shocked that I was being asked, and she repeated. I said I just realised I was in the wrong seat. She said that’s bullshit, there’s no seats, I’m a terrible liar and I obviously have an issue with fat people. I said I would feel more comfortable sitting elsewhere and she called me a body shaming bitch as I was walking away. Everyone heard and it was quite embarrassing.

Was I unreasonable here? Could I have dealt with this better? I feel bad that I made her feel bad, but she was also really rude to me.

OP posts:
SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 21:07

CopperWhite · 14/10/2025 20:39

It only needed a large man for the responses you’ve received to have been entirely different.

This is one of those threads where people would need to declare their own interests before their judgements can be given any real credit. I suspect that people who are unhappy with their own weight saw more to be offended about from your post than those who are not.

Absolutely, if I’d said this was a man, all these negative posts would have been non existent.

OP posts:
LasVegass · 14/10/2025 21:06

I haven’t RTFT entirely but you weren’t in the wrong to get up and go.

DH and I went to a radio programme recording a couple of years ago (the kind where you get unallocated seats on first come first served basis) and landed near someone badly smelling of piss. Horrible. We just looked at each other, got up and left for much further back. We couldn’t have enjoyed the evening in that stench.

I get up and change carriages if people sniff or throat clear. Or speak loudly. I’m tolerant in very many other ways, but we all have our limits. Sometimes there are no options and you just suck it up.

Cherryicecreamx · 14/10/2025 21:01

Wow imagine asking a complete stranger why they're moving! She's projecting her own thoughts onto you. There's a load of reasons why you would chose to move, and most people do simply prefer sitting alone if they can - it doesn't have to be personal.

Ldpqndo · 14/10/2025 21:01

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 20:55

Well if that’s what you think then get off the thread, simple 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t know why you keep commenting.

Because I can. And because you deserve calling out

Didimum · 14/10/2025 20:58

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 20:41

What description was derogatory exactly? Everything I stated was factual. I didn’t say she came huffing like a disgusting X, or she was sweating like a pig, or her spilling onto the table was gross or anything of the sort. I stated factually what happened.

Yes, she obviously has health issues, but being that large is going to cause breathlessness and sweating. Of course she could have health issues that led to weight gain, but as @MyrtlethePurpleTurtlementioned above, weight gain can also cause health issues. It’s chicken and egg really.

Again, are obese people in a category no one is allowed to comment on at all, ever? Because I don’t get the memo

If this were someone sick from cancer or disabled from an accident – even if their condition was linked to their own choices, such as from smoking or risky sports – you wouldn’t describe their body in the same graphic, mocking way. You’d recognize that suffering isn’t a moral failing. But the moment it’s a fat person, you seem to feel entitled to dehumanize them under the excuse of being “factual”.

You already said you’d be “concerned” about a thin person’s breathing difficulties because it wouldn’t be caused by weight, which just proves the bias. Smoking can cause an exacerbation of breathing difficulties of asthma and is of the sufferer’s own making – but you only moralize fatness. The issue isn’t honesty; it’s selective empathy.

Catsknowbest · 14/10/2025 20:57

Yoyotux · 14/10/2025 20:36

Perhaps she’s on mounjaro and had already lost 25% of her body weight

that might explain the smell too if she had some of 🤢 side effects!

Edited

How's that relevant though? Doesn't alter the reason the OP needed to move.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/10/2025 20:57

The whole slew of deleted posts. Are they of the troll hunting 'this didn't happen' variety or personal attacks on OP?

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 20:55

Ldpqndo · 14/10/2025 20:44

You knew exactly what you were doing with this thread OP, and exactly what kind of replies it would get. You don't fool me. You are baiting people.

Well if that’s what you think then get off the thread, simple 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t know why you keep commenting.

OP posts:
Catsknowbest · 14/10/2025 20:55

You didn't do anything wrong. I wouldn't have stayed in the same situation either. Do not give it another thought.

Pistachiocake · 14/10/2025 20:53

A surprising number of people can't smell themselves. Some have medical reasons, eg Covid, some just get nose blind. Age can be relevant too (there's a term. but I forget it). Also, some people are more sensitive to smell (a pregnant coworker has real issues with smelly greasy hair, I hate the smell of garlic when I'm pregnant, but love it otherwise). You might not be pregnant, but you couldbe more sensitive to scent. Or maybe she just did smell that bad. Either way, there was no need for her to be rude. Try not to worry if you weren't rude first, not your fault.

Chickoletta · 14/10/2025 20:53

Productiveam · 14/10/2025 15:00

45 mins until the next stop???!!! What line is this?!

King’s Cross to Cambridge off the top of my head but I’m sure there are others!

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 20:53

ItstheHRTpat · 14/10/2025 20:48

You would have asked a 'normal sized' person if they were ok, but not the fat lady

Yes, because a woman of her size, rushing down a train is obviously going to be breathless so why would I draw attention further to her discomfort. She was about 25 stone at a guess. If she deteriorated any further I would of course asked if she needed assistance.

If an 8 stone woman presented in the same way, that would be far more unusual and unexplainable, leading to a greater sense of urgency. Maybe that’s the wrong approach or assumptions, I don’t know.

OP posts:
PrestonHood121 · 14/10/2025 20:53

A simple "mind your own business" would have worked here.

GaIadriel · 14/10/2025 20:52

Redpeach · 14/10/2025 15:01

I wouldn't have sat at a table for four as a single traveller

Whyever not? There's more leg room and charging points. Usually solo travellers will come and sit next to you.

Didimum · 14/10/2025 20:49

CopperWhite · 14/10/2025 20:43

Maybe because that’s the thing she ‘grotesquely’ keeps being criticised for?

Why shouldn’t she be criticised for it?

GaIadriel · 14/10/2025 20:49

I can understand her being sensitive. She probs can't help the smell as it's caused by sweating. However, as soon as she got narcy I'd have told her to fuck off.

ItstheHRTpat · 14/10/2025 20:48

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 20:41

What description was derogatory exactly? Everything I stated was factual. I didn’t say she came huffing like a disgusting X, or she was sweating like a pig, or her spilling onto the table was gross or anything of the sort. I stated factually what happened.

Yes, she obviously has health issues, but being that large is going to cause breathlessness and sweating. Of course she could have health issues that led to weight gain, but as @MyrtlethePurpleTurtlementioned above, weight gain can also cause health issues. It’s chicken and egg really.

Again, are obese people in a category no one is allowed to comment on at all, ever? Because I don’t get the memo

You would have asked a 'normal sized' person if they were ok, but not the fat lady

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/10/2025 20:48

Gagaandgag · 14/10/2025 19:16

I think it sounds like she has incredibly low self esteem - not in any way condoning her behaviour!!!
Could you have waited until the next stop and subtly moved then

What - wait 45 minutes while sitting opposite gag inducing stench?

Ldpqndo · 14/10/2025 20:44

You knew exactly what you were doing with this thread OP, and exactly what kind of replies it would get. You don't fool me. You are baiting people.

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 20:43

Yoyotux · 14/10/2025 20:36

Perhaps she’s on mounjaro and had already lost 25% of her body weight

that might explain the smell too if she had some of 🤢 side effects!

Edited

Is that a side effect of MJ???

Honestly if she is on MJ then good for her. People still shouldn’t be subjected to the smell of BO and poo in what is essentially a sealed metal box though. And then be so rude when people move away.

OP posts:
CopperWhite · 14/10/2025 20:43

Didimum · 14/10/2025 20:37

But you (apparently) didn’t move because of her behaviour, so why do you keep grotesquely bringing it up?

Maybe because that’s the thing she ‘grotesquely’ keeps being criticised for?

BluePombear · 14/10/2025 20:43

The woman sounds unhinged and I don't think you did anything to warrant her outburst... That said, when you opt for a table seat as a solo traveller you run the risk of any kind undesirable joining you thereafter!

tommyhoundmum · 14/10/2025 20:43

She knew she was being offensive but just didn't care.

There was a woman on the bus yesterday who smelt so bad the smell lingered long after she got off.

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 20:41

ItstheHRTpat · 14/10/2025 20:32

The reason you moved or if you smiled at her are not what make you a fat shaming bitch. Your descriptions of a fat person are what highlight that fact about you. Also you disregarded her health issues as 'just weight related'

What description was derogatory exactly? Everything I stated was factual. I didn’t say she came huffing like a disgusting X, or she was sweating like a pig, or her spilling onto the table was gross or anything of the sort. I stated factually what happened.

Yes, she obviously has health issues, but being that large is going to cause breathlessness and sweating. Of course she could have health issues that led to weight gain, but as @MyrtlethePurpleTurtlementioned above, weight gain can also cause health issues. It’s chicken and egg really.

Again, are obese people in a category no one is allowed to comment on at all, ever? Because I don’t get the memo

OP posts:
Elsvieta · 14/10/2025 20:41

You'd have been justified in saying "It's not the body, it's the smell". Fat or thin, people should probably know.