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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you stay friends with this person? Unsure

59 replies

Parmaviolet3456 · 14/10/2025 12:10

WWYD?

We’ve been friends for years (since childhood)
Around 5 years ago I noticed a change in her, since having kids really. She became quite opinionated and judgemental. She is otherwise a lovely person and very caring but sometimes her need to say her opinion on my life choices annoys me.

We had had conversations about this in the past after a few fallings out and she said it’s just who she is. I’ve tried to accept it as she has so many other good qualities.

I think some of it comes from a place of jealousy. She will comment on me taking my DC away abroad, my house, the age gap we’re wanting for DC2 etc

I’m going to take a step back from her for a whilst I have a think on what to do.

YABU - everyone has traits, this is her, if she’s an otherwise good friend then just shut her down
YANBU - you’re in your mid 30’s and don’t need a friend picking your decisions apart or judging them - ditch her

OP posts:
Notimeforahaircut · 14/10/2025 12:20

Just ask yourself does she fill your cup or does she drain it? X

MyMilchick · 14/10/2025 12:20

Unsolicited advice/opinions on your life is not "being opinionated" she doesn't get a say on your life choices like that, especially since you've told her you don't want her opinions on these choices. I would take a step back

lazyarse123 · 14/10/2025 12:18

Why is mn doing double posts? Be much easier if it would just let you delete the second one unless I'm doing it wrong.

Original poster
Parmaviolet3456 · 14/10/2025 12:17

DreamOfTheRarebitFiend · 14/10/2025 12:12

I'm not a fan of 'It's just who I am' to excuse obnoxious behaviour. Life's too short to be around people who judge you. I'd quietly fade away and let the friendship die off.

This is how I feel a bit. “It’s just who I am” is what she says after I get taken aback / upset with the comment she’s made.

Just an example without being too outing. She’s had 2 home births, I’ve had an emergency section and want to opt for an elective c section for my second and she said she thinks I’m mad and I’m missing out and I’ll regret not trying for a natural labour. She has 14 months between her 2 and thinks I’m insane for wanting a 3-4 year age gap. Apparently that’s a big age gap in her view and that my DC’s might not get on when they’re older.

OP posts:
Lipglosser · 14/10/2025 12:17

What exactly does she say ?
give some examples

if it’s basically put downs
to Make herself feel better and to make you feel worse

then I’d kick to the curb

perhaps if you do like her maybe give her some sort of warning like, why do you keep trying to put me down ?
and hope she corrects but if she doenst
life is too short for haters

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 14/10/2025 12:16

She is having a negative effect on you.
You really don't need that in your life.
I agree with pp about gradually withdrawing from.the friendship.

lazyarse123 · 14/10/2025 12:15

I too hate the "it's just who I am" nonsense. It's just an excuse to be mean to your friends. I would distance myself from her and if she asks why tell her friends are meant to be supportive not judgemental. Fine if an opinion is asked for but usually it's not.

FuzzyWolf · 14/10/2025 12:14

I think you need to make sure that either you are able to separate the issues you disagree with so it doesn’t impact your friendship or else accept it’s time to move on.

DreamOfTheRarebitFiend · 14/10/2025 12:12

I'm not a fan of 'It's just who I am' to excuse obnoxious behaviour. Life's too short to be around people who judge you. I'd quietly fade away and let the friendship die off.

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