Would you stay friends with this person? Unsure

The whole “sibling who have a bigger age gap won’t be close” is so silly. I know loads of siblings who are very close in age and hate eachother, my best friend and her two sisters are all only a year apart but have nothing in common. Yet me and my middle sister are 4 years apart and are VERY close, and me and my youngest sister are nearly 10 years apart, have loads in common and do lots together. I get why people want babies close in age, but it’s the constant comments about it, I had the same comments from people and it wound me up too 😂

You should probably do a google check before telling people they're wrong 😛Yellow rock is a milder version of grey rock

Yes, and tbh OP the very fact that you’ve come on MN and posted a thread about her tells you all you need to know. If someone is a positive force in your life, you don’t ask others whether you should ditch them. You just feel grateful to have them.

It's grey rock

My brother is head of department and had to deal with a member of staff who ' called a spade a spade'. She was very much a ' professional northerner' and regarded it as a regional right to say exactly what she thought, no matter how nasty / rude it was. She told him this at the meeting. No , he said, you're just rude Maureen. Stop it now.
Perhaps you should try that with your friend. Failing that fade her out. Just because you've been friends for years doesn't mean you have to be friends forever.

The comments about her sisters and their kids.....do you think thats really true or could be just her perception? In my family there is one person who is convinced that they are overlooked and get less time and attention than their siblings. In fact the opposite is true, as they are so demanding, but they see any time and attention given to a sibling as time "stolen" from them, so they feel overlooked and ignored.

How you deal with it....not sure without causing even more insecurity or (more likely) a bloody great row and her cementing her view of herself as permavictim.

She will comment on me taking my DC away abroad, my house, the age gap we’re wanting for DC2 etc

Friends don't judge you or criticize you for taking vacations , age gaps, and so on. She's criticizing you so she can feel superior and let you know it under the guide of friendship. It's not just who she is because you say she became like this since having kids. There's a lack or need there that criticizing fills. I'd just meet less and less and let this one go.

There is a certain kind of person (my mother has a tendency to be one) who will take you doing anything differently to how they would do it as a direct criticism of their choices.

Its basically insecurity. If she was genuinely secure and happy in her choices then she wouldnt feel the need to push you to do the same. She needs that validation that she did the right thing because "Look @Parmaviolet3456 did the same as me so it must have been the right decision" but you doing something different makes her question herself.

Like I said it comes from insecurity but shows as her being bossy and obnoxious. And there is probably more than a bit of envy there that you dont care what other people think of you and your choices, and she cares very much but probably wishes she could be more like you.

I would push back on her statements. Something like ‘I didn’t ask for your opinion and I really don’t want it’ or ‘that remark is very rude and offensive’. If she does the whole ‘that is just who I am’ thing then the response is: ‘I am understanding that to mean I must spend time with a person who is rude / offensive / thoughtless or I cannot see you. Is that correct? What would you do if someone you spent time with was rude to you each time? Each time she is rude / inconsiderate and would not walk it back I would leave. ‘I don’t see much point continuing this at this time then do you?’ Either she will adapt or the friendship will die naturally.

Yes, good point. OP could try giving her a taste of her own medicine and see if that makes her see how annoying it is

I’d probably take A big break from her
as I can’t really stand bossy know it all types

perhaps she’s a bit jealous of you in some way or underneath her I know it all, she’s actually feeling really unsure

either way if you dread it when you see her name pop up in your phone
that’s telling you something
so listen to it and at least give yourself a break from her

I think if you not enjoying it would step back a bit. I met a girl years ago she was super competitive over the babies! I stopped telling her so much. I def distanced a bit. Tg it fizzled out once both us back work.

Yellow rock. Slow fade. I reply to texts in a polite way but I don’t instigate the texting anymore. Years and years of sly digs, put downs, attempts at superiority. Leave me alone now

I would tell her theres being accidentally unkind and theres being nasty knowingly, shes choosing the latter and then I would dump her as a friend.

For me, that's right up there with "I'm not being rude, I'm just speaking my mind". Nope, you're just being rude!

I realise I'm a bit older than you, but I really don't have space in my life for negativity from other peope - regardless of how they frame it.

If you do want to keep her in your life, then you need to talk to her about it. Otherwise I'd be distancing mysel.

Wow.

Medical information and the age gap between kids is none of her business!

Id fade this one and find some friends who are supportive and stay out your business!

What happens if you're equally judgemental back and judge her choices? Would she accept that that's 'just who you are'?

If she’s doenst stop tho hehe you’re asked her to back off being so bossy

then I’d distance massively

Oh so sounds more bossy than trying to put you down ?

could you try and assert some boundaries here
Like look I know you mean well, but you’re you, and I’m me, there’s many ways to skin a cat
you make your choices about where to give birth and how many kids to have and I’ll make mine
and perhaps change the subject

Giving birth is giving birth however it happens. I have 3 kids there is 17 months between the first two and 18 months between the last two and the closest relationship is between the eldest and youngest so just over 3 years between them. So basically you "friend" is talking out of her arse.

You're not missing out at all lmao, have the C section! (sorry for my unsolicited advice :p )