Would you stay friends with this person? Unsure

Regarding the choice of age gaps between children, a smaller gap does not mean they will be closer as adults . I am the middle child of three , with DB1 being 16 months older than me and DB2 being 8 and a half years younger . I am and always have been close to both my brothers but definitely closer to my younger brother a
nd his family. Until our mid teens DB1 and I fought like cat and dog whereas DB2 was always the baby and treated very kindly.

Tell her you're getting pissed off with her constant criticism and if she can't then she can fuck off out if your life!

Tell her you know why she's like it but it's tiresome, predictable and you've had enough of it.

A good friend will heed your warning and reign in her nasty behaviour.

I hate second guessing shit when it comes to friendship and trust.
A friendship shouldn't be so stressful and a friend doesn't make shit comments on the life you give yourself and your DC.

“It’s just who I am” sounds like a sub-genre of “I just tell it like it is”. Both tedious.

I don’t have friendships to be picked apart and criticised. I have friendships that enhance my life, not make me pissed off.

I’d be inclined to let this one wither on the vine.

I have a 6 year gap between mine. Now 22 and 16 years old. They get on so well always chatting. The son is older and I honestly think the gap does not feel so big now they have grown up. They have never argued at all with such a big gap so that's a plus!

I had a friend years ago that I found difficult. I remember asking my mum for advice and she said you have to put up with relatives that you dont always get on with but not friends! I very slowly stopped meeting up with her and moved on. Move on OP she sounds difficult.

Oh My Goodness
There's 3 years between me & my older sibling
We think so much of each other & empathise & get on more than some of my friends whom have just less than a year between them
Also, so many of my friends, have older brothers or sisters, 3 + years more
Where does she get the notion that this is such a gap? How cruel of her to imply this is insane - Over the top of her, to say the very least, unnecessary & immensely unkind
You be you, don't permit anyone to imply you're not of sound mind
God Bless You&Yours 💚

People tend to be either radiators or drains. She sounds like the latter.

Your friend needs counseling. She really does think she has the right idea and best ideas and if you would just follow her lead you would realize that. It’s not your job to fix her but she does need a wake up call. She needs to learn that there’s more than one right way and she alone doesn’t get to decide.

Yes you could say something like this, even add in there's more than one way to skin a cat..... her reaction will say alot

Shell either take it on board and reflect or
Will get defensive

Is she judgmental or is she just being a critical friend ? We all need critical friends …. Otherwise we can surround oiursekves with sycophantic folk who agreee and nod along (as with trump)

I've been in a really similar friendship - a genuinely really nice person in many regards whose conversation was just a stream of judgement. If she read a picture book to her kid at my house she'd comment on how its language or messaging was wrong, she commented negatively on the style of our new kitchen, and yes things like birth choices, breastfeeding, potty training etc were a minefield of dogmatism. Anything that deviated from what she thought was best, she'd have to comment on.

I really don't think she is malicious. Her internal monologue is just super critical, and that's sad. I feel she lacks a social filter and often says things she thinks are universal truths without realising they denigrate people around her. Anyway, I tried for years. Eventually she just said one thing too many about my recurrent miscarriages and I checked out. Realised I didn't want that in my life and where I'd been robust enough to shake off most of her opinions, I shouldn't have to. So I stopped seeing her.

I feel bad because I know she was hurt and confused by my slow fade, but I couldn't get the message through to her and ultimately had to protect myself. My partner still sees her sometimes, when our kids want playdates. I see her in groups. But we aren't really mates any more. It's not a nice tidy ending, it does feel messy and sad, but on the whole I'm happier not having her in my space.

I would give her a chance.

Delivered monotone, with a voice of exasperation -
”you know what Trish, your unsolicited opinions about me and my family are wearing, can you please just keep your opinions to yourself, I just don’t want to hear them”.

That will give her something to consider and think over.
Slow fade then if she doesn’t stop - and she will be very clear about your reason.

Have you ever said to her

“Have you ever noticed that you seem to think that the way you do things is the “right” way and the only way to do them personally I don’t think there is just one right way of doing most things in life.”

Just keep saying it to her with each one of her “right thinking comments”.

If you can't bring yourself to tell her to Fuck off who asked you . Can you say something almost rude and tell her when you want her opinion you will ask for it otherwise zip it . No ? Guess you are not great friends so ditch her..

This falls under the category “Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one but we don’t necessarily need to hear it”

I am no fan of the “that’s the why I call it/am approach”.

I had similar with a colleague. Pulled up for his manner, would say “I’m just saying it as it is”. Me, “Well, you don’t have to so don’t Dave”.

If you want to push back a bit more gently, a good technique is to mirror back her offensive/thick-skinned remarks, but pose them as questions:
"I wonder if you realise that when you say xyz it comes over as really quite offensive?", or: "Did you know that when you (...xyz....) it can seem very like bullying and aggressiveness".

Wondering aloud about whether a person has an awareness of the effect of his/her own behaviour on others can be a powerful technique. Makes a point without you seeming overly aggressive yourself - as some people cannot take even the mildest form of correction.

She is so wrong about age gaps. There are 14 months between my sister and I and it was close enough that we were only a school year apart and constantly in competition with each other. We are very different personalities with very different traits and abilities and the friction was often unbearable.

We are in our late fifties now. We haven't seen each other since our dad's funeral 21 months ago and I wouldn't care if we never saw each other again. And we probably won't.

My own DDs are exactly 3 years apart. It was close enough that they grew up together but far enough apart that they couldn't compete. The older one saw her sister as cute and adorable and the younger one looked up to her big sister and trusted her completely. They argued and fought occasionally over 'stolen' clothes or who got the biggest slice of cake etc. but there wasn't the bitterness of my fights with my sister.

They are grown up and married now and are absolutely BFFs. Luckily their husbands get on! TBH I'm jealous of their closeness and wish I could have experienced that but I'm glad they have each other.

As a PP said, you need to weigh up whether your friend is adding to your life or draining you. If it's the latter, ease back from things a bit for now. In later years she will probably realise she isn't quite as omniscient as she thinks now and become easier to deal with.

OP, you don't owe her your time, peace and mental health.
People who are insecure and have to put others down are a pain in the arse.
Life is just too short.
Slow fade.
Be busy and unavailable.
Not need for further discussion, you tried that already.

I think long ongoing relationships with friends who have children or even just partners can be quite difficult is some instances if your are by yourself .

Priorities change and you are living in a different world. Sometimes you have to move on and find different friends.

Don't worry it happens to us all as some stage of life.

I’ve had this. Eventually I responded with “do you actually like me? Because it doesn’t sound like it”.

It’s yellow rock. Grey rock is almost complete shut down

She sounds competitive & bored. I think you could do better and find more interesting friends x

YANBU shes not a friend. Cut ties. Find some new people who are your tribe and build you up. I think you have outgrown each other time to move on.

What you are describing isn’t right or wrong. You need to say that you can both have ways of doing things and both can be right. It isn’t a right or wrong to have a c-section or a natural birth or have a close age gap or one far apart. They are what suit that individual- so what’s right for her might not be right for you. You are different people and that’s ok to be different. You can still be friends and be different if you can both respect the other person’s differences and choices.

There is a bit of a difference between her expressing her opinion in terms of what works for her but respecting you to do things differently. She might not agree with you or do it like you but she can show respect. This is the boundary. Life choices and decisions are not a competition.

Does she dictate what you should do or agree to disagree? If she is an unwilling listener and not ready to hear and acknowledge you and is only interested in the sound of her own voice, then I’d tell her directly that upsets you. You have nothing to lose. Say I really like so much about you as a person, but when you disrespect my choices I find it controlling and belittling. I’d give an example. Tell her. Otherwise she will never know. I think it’s better to understand why as she might gain some awareness. Or she may just continue. Either way you did your best. If she gets cross and won’t change then you know you tried and can step away having at least been honest. It’s up to her whether she takes the feedback on board. She may well decide that’s just the way she is. And not change. And that’s entirely her choice. She may lose friends as a consequences of that choice. But that’s up to her.

There’s two trains of thought here, one is be friends with lots of different people even if you don’t agree with them, otherwise you narrow your pool to a few and forget to accept others.

Or, struggle to deal with other people unlike yourself.

personally, I don’t mind people as long as they’re not unkind, lofty, think they’re above others and tell them often. People like this get others down and I just came be bothered with them, however people different yet kind, absolutely come on board.

she sounds like someone just start to be busy when she asks if you are free, or talk to her straight you find her difficult with her pious views.