To tell you that saying "kindly" or "with kindness" or "gently" makes you sound like a total pain in the arse of a person

36 replies

valianttortoise · 14/10/2025 09:10

Well I'm telling you anyway

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 14/10/2025 09:26

it isn’t used maliciously though. It’s used when you need to deliver a message that might need to be negative, but you’re also saying ‘I’m not cross with you though, if you could hear me, it’s a gentle tone.’

ie someone has forgotten to pay an invoice, and the deadline has past. The business needs you to pay, but on first warning, is prepared to think you just forgot. Would you rather they wrote ‘you haven’t paid you arsehole, that’s on you for forgetting, now I’m not sure if you want this job any more’

Shortpoet · 14/10/2025 09:23

My old boss used to write in emails things like, “Shortpoet has kindly booked a meeting room for the day”.

And I always found it odd. I didn’t do it kindly. I did it normally because that was my job!

InAHammock · 14/10/2025 09:23

arethereanyleftatall · 14/10/2025 09:16

Or, reflect on why it’s used. If everyone did everything the first time asked, it would never be used. Complaining about it, is a bit like complaining someone is nagging.

Yes, this.

It’s like posters complaining about the phrase ‘Use your words’ being ‘infantilising’, when that’s exactly why it’s being used, when someone could resolve a ridiculously complex scrape they’ve got themselves into simply by saying something to the other person involved, rather than emoting on here about how ‘Surely she should of [sic] known not to x?’

Adooree · 14/10/2025 09:20

Hold my hand up and will say I've said it twice on here in the many years I've been here .
The posts came across as very fragile and vulnerable , and I didn't want to bulldoze my thoughts & opinions on them .

slushgrey · 14/10/2025 09:19

If they feel the comment requires "kindly" or "gently" to mitigate its impact they should just change the message. I think it's just a way of saying something they know won't be well received but they can't bear the idea of people not thinking they're "noice".

So they're weak as well as disiingenous, and yes, weak, disingenous people who don't have the courage of their convictions but insist on speaking up anyway are irritating.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/10/2025 09:16

Or, reflect on why it’s used. If everyone did everything the first time asked, it would never be used. Complaining about it, is a bit like complaining someone is nagging.

MrsNadjaCravensworth · 14/10/2025 09:15

JoanOgden · 14/10/2025 09:15

Yes, this language makes me feel the opposite of kind or gentle - in fact I am generally consumed by rage

Exactly this.

GarlicBreadStan · 14/10/2025 09:15

I am a pain in the arse tbf 😂 honestly I don't understand why this makes me sound like a pain in the arse though? I thought I was genuinely being kind 😭

JoanOgden · 14/10/2025 09:15

Yes, this language makes me feel the opposite of kind or gentle - in fact I am generally consumed by rage

333FionaG · 14/10/2025 09:13

I agree. It sounds condescending and patronising and is often quite insulting.

Redshoeblueshoe · 14/10/2025 09:12

I agree. Even texts from my dentist - this is a gentle reminder of your appointment.

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