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Original poster

Friend and Continued Work Absence

237 replies

GentleWord · 14/10/2025 07:16

I have a friend who has some mental and physical health diagnoses. She qualified as a teacher more than ten years ago. She has worked in different settings - state schools, private schools, and preschools.

Since then, she has had a few jobs as a teacher, but on average, she has up to half the time she is employed off sick. This does become an issue, and mostly she has to move on.

Never quietly. It usually goes through legal channels and I know the company have settled at least twice.

Before, I didn't think much about this, but now I have reason to think about schooling, I don't think it is fair that she keeps taking jobs that she cannot do. I'm actually unsure how she manages to get a new job with her history but apparently schools have only very recently been demanding of the last reference and now you can give "bad" references.

I don't think it is fair on the children to have a teacher who is so unreliable. I don't think it is fair on the staff. I think after a decade, it should be clear to her and her family that she cannot be a teacher. However, I think they cling to her profession as a status thing.

The same pattern is occurring again where shw is started to have repeated and medium term absences from a job she started last year. I think this time I should be a bit more honest with her about her career and the other people affected by how she engages with her job.

Unreasonable - dont say anything and just support her

Reasonable - find the words to say that teaching isn't an appropriate career choice.

OP posts:
Original poster
GentleWord · 14/10/2025 07:29

PinkFrogss · 14/10/2025 07:27

Weird that so many schools didn’t give any indication of her absence levels on references.

References in schools are certainly not a new thing and you’ve always been able to give a bad reference.

Don’t say anything as it’s unlikely to change her absence, but as it’s bother you so much end the friendship or at least distance yourself.

I know that a job she was absent for over a third of the time she worked there just stated her dates of employment and roles. There was nothing about her continued absence every though she ended up leaving because of it (and then sued them).

OP posts:
Original poster
GentleWord · 14/10/2025 07:27

youmustbeshittingme · 14/10/2025 07:26

It sounds like, despite her difficulties, she is trying to work and maintain a profession.

She needs to be supported to do that and her employer has a statutory obligation to do so. What do you propose she does if she leaves her job? What job would be acceptable to be unwell in?

People are constantly moaning about benefit claimants on here and in the media. You can’t have it both ways. If we want sick and disabled people to keep working then we have to make adjustments for the impact their disability or health issues may have.

I think it would cause fewer issues in say Asda than it would be when you are the reception teacher of a whole class.

OP posts:
PinkFrogss · 14/10/2025 07:27

Weird that so many schools didn’t give any indication of her absence levels on references.

References in schools are certainly not a new thing and you’ve always been able to give a bad reference.

Don’t say anything as it’s unlikely to change her absence, but as it’s bother you so much end the friendship or at least distance yourself.

Original poster
GentleWord · 14/10/2025 07:26

EleanorReally · 14/10/2025 07:25

why is that your concern?
she is supposedly your friend.

Show quote history

Because I wouldn't want my own child to have a teacher who was frequently absent. Sometimes for weeks and on top of that, odd days.

OP posts:
youmustbeshittingme · 14/10/2025 07:26

It sounds like, despite her difficulties, she is trying to work and maintain a profession.

She needs to be supported to do that and her employer has a statutory obligation to do so. What do you propose she does if she leaves her job? What job would be acceptable to be unwell in?

People are constantly moaning about benefit claimants on here and in the media. You can’t have it both ways. If we want sick and disabled people to keep working then we have to make adjustments for the impact their disability or health issues may have.

BridgeNewton · 14/10/2025 07:26

Agix · 14/10/2025 07:22

What is the appropriate career choice then? You don't know if there are ANY jobs she could do without going off sick so often. When she goes off sick, she is too sick to work.

It'll never be "fair" to any employer, or colleagues, or client or customer or child... but we all expect disabled people and people with chronic health conditions to work - the government certainly expect it - so your friend is trying, and just going where her skill set is (when well enough at least).

Unless you're planning to advocate for long term/permanent sickness benefits being paid at a reasonable rate to people like your friend, or otherwise are planning on paying your friends living costs yourself, I'd say keep quiet. She is trying her best... And doing exactly what is expected of her.

Aim your complaints higher if you have that much of a problem with it.

Edited

It absolutely is not fair to either the students or her colleagues to keep taking these jobs if she in unable to fulfill the role. Not only that it sounds as though she is expecting to take as much time off as she needs and get paid for it, which is borderline fraudulent.

Original poster
GentleWord · 14/10/2025 07:25

Agix · 14/10/2025 07:22

What is the appropriate career choice then? You don't know if there are ANY jobs she could do without going off sick so often. When she goes off sick, she is too sick to work.

It'll never be "fair" to any employer, or colleagues, or client or customer or child... but we all expect disabled people and people with chronic health conditions to work - the government certainly expect it - so your friend is trying, and just going where her skill set is (when well enough at least).

Unless you're planning to advocate for long term/permanent sickness benefits being paid at a reasonable rate to people like your friend, or otherwise are planning on paying your friends living costs yourself, I'd say keep quiet. She is trying her best... And doing exactly what is expected of her.

Aim your complaints higher if you have that much of a problem with it.

Edited

I think it would be less of an ethical issue to not show up to a retail job with regularity than it is to do that as an educator.

Her family and her would think that she is worth more than a retail job though and take immense pride that she can call herself a teacher. I mean they'd have preferred lawyer or something but teaching at least requires a degree.

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 14/10/2025 07:25

GentleWord · 14/10/2025 07:23

Do you think she has the right to earn a living at the detriment of her students? Does she have more right to be a teacher than her students have to have teacher who can fulfil their duties?

Show quote history

why is that your concern?
she is supposedly your friend.

SpanThatWorld · 14/10/2025 07:24

"schools have only very recently been demanding ofbthe last reference"

Safer Recruitment means that schools always ask for a reference from the last job and this has been true for decades. I once had a gap in employment of 2 years and went back to my previous school to find that the Head, Deputy and immediate line manager had all moved on and noone could give me a reference. I cannot tell you how long it took to resolve this but the new job absolutely wouldn't accept a reference from anyone else.

Original poster
GentleWord · 14/10/2025 07:23

EleanorReally · 14/10/2025 07:19

well like most people, she needs to earn a living.
let her come to her own conclusions

Do you think she has the right to earn a living at the detriment of her students? Does she have more right to be a teacher than her students have to have teacher who can fulfil their duties?

OP posts:
Agix · 14/10/2025 07:22

What is the appropriate career choice then? You don't know if there are ANY jobs she could do without going off sick so often. When she goes off sick, she is too sick to work.

It'll never be "fair" to any employer, or colleagues, or client or customer or child... but we all expect disabled people and people with chronic health conditions to work - the government certainly expect it - so your friend is trying, and just going where her skill set is (when well enough at least).

Unless you're planning to advocate for long term/permanent sickness benefits being paid at a reasonable rate to people like your friend, or otherwise are planning on paying your friends living costs yourself, I'd say keep quiet. She is trying her best... And doing exactly what is expected of her.

Aim your complaints higher if you have that much of a problem with it.

EleanorReally · 14/10/2025 07:19

well like most people, she needs to earn a living.
let her come to her own conclusions