Inheritance

Unfortunately it isn’t your dad’s money, if they had mirror wills it’s her money.

Absolutely.

How could you have contested your dad’s will if you never had contact with him for years? Surely you therefore wouldn’t even want to?

It isn’t true, only a small percentage of people go into care.

Generally, if you want an inheritance, then look after your own parents so they don’t have to pay care fees. You cannot expect the taxpayer to fund their care so you can get an inheritance.

Funded residents pay their pension minus a pocket money allowance towards their fees.

I agree that “not wanting to pay for care” isn’t so much not wanting to pay anything - but feeling it is unfair that the person in the next room isn’t paying anything at all. Especially since self-funders pay over the odds to subsidise the people paid for by the council.

And self-funding doesn’t necessarily bring you choice. Mil for example had advanced dementia (she was termed a “screamer”) and consequently the homes that would take her were… well, there was only one in the whole area. You are not going to get in a fancy Thursday Murder Club place if your needs are… challenging.

Part of the issue is that people are expecting ever greater levels of benefits and services, but no one wants to pay for them, and thinks that nebulous groups such as "billionaires" and "the rich" should be paying up.

This is basically what is happening in France at the moment (we are some way behind and somewhat more manageable). The country is running out of money but no one wants to surrender their benefits and thinks someone else should pay.

Needless to say the end point of all this isn't good. Either the government manages the economy prudently to the benefit of all, or the economy eventually collapses. I guess we'll see which one France gets - it might well influence our outcome as well.

My mother died last year. I inherited £10k and a box of old family bits and pieces - documents, photographs, a few letters etc. Including this one, written by my great great great great grandmother in 1862, addressed ‘To my children when I am no more’, and which implores her children not to squabble about their inheritance!

”My Dear Children,

The subject I am now writing has often engaged my thoughts - and that is if I should be so fortunate as to be very happy when I leave this world - it would increase that happiness to know that you were all living at peace and in harmony with one another. I hope no one will be dissatisfied about the fifty pounds that was given to the three that were first married - more than twenty years ago. Your father saw that he had made a mistake and acknowledged it by making a codicil to his will, which did not get signatures put to it - unfortunately - as that would have settled all disputes and I hope you will see that as clearly as if it had been done.

Mary I will say nothing about more than that she lived at home for years deriving all the advantage by paying a trifling acknowledgment. Phebe had two years in France at school which cost more than one hundred pounds therefore she cannot with any degree of propriety say anything about the £50 as she had more than £100 and for Elizabeth I hope that she would think that she had had the value of £50 many times over during the last fifteen years as she lived free of expense for board, washing and lodgings.

There is always a great deal of anxiety and labour for executors. I should wish for Marmaduke to have as little trouble as you can possibly give him and let all things be done quietly and I should wish you to decide the things amongst you, let everyone take a share, not to forget James’s children - if there was any thing to sell when you had all taken what you wish you could let them have an equivalent of the money which this remainder was sold for.

I have set you an example of striving to be at peace and I hope you will all do the same for your children, and as God has blessed me with long life and enough for the necessary comforts of life in my old age I hope he will also bless you and that you will have the kind attention and love from them your children that you and they have given to me. Impress on their minds their Duty to God and to avoid Evil.

I hope God will bless and prosper you is the sincere wish of your affectionate Mother.

Is this true? I know care fees are a potential worry but haven't seen data on what proportion of people use up all their assets on them.

Yip, a relative moved in with their DM 15 yrs before the DM died. Took on all the upkeep costs of the house. Then cared for the DM in her final years when she lost her mobility. The estate was to be spilt evenly between 2 siblings. Unfortunately the other sibling has now made accusations of all sorts of theft & financial abuse. Just because they are greedy & want more than their share. Really does bring out the worst in some people.

Hi there! Billionaires :) Hope that helps!

I think it’s a natural to expect an inheritance, if there’s one in the horizon. Illogical in a way because the only things guaranteed in life are that one day it will be over and we have to pay tax, but I can relate to the expectation. I won’t be devastated if the small inheritance doesn’t happen - I’m half expecting my DM to leave everything to either a dog’s home or her precious favourite child who’s never got his life together. It’s best not to focus about it but it’s always at the back of my mind.

@Allseeingallknowing I'll be amazed if he doesn't spend every penny, whether on care fees or general crap.

Believe me, take nothing for granted. Expect nothing. I have seen so many fights and bitterness about wills among my friends, it’s really not worth it.

I have inherited nothing despite having grandparents and great grandparents who were multi millionaires (family estrangement).

DH’s parents were asset rich but transferred inherited property (legally tax free) to older son and took out an equity loan on their other house which will wipe everything else out.

I have one living parent, but I imagine her assets probs about £100k, will be eaten up by end of life care. She has made a will to leave to me and my sibling equally - but my sibling lives overseas and has no pension, due to poor planning, so feel pressured to let her have the lot (if anything!). If I do inherit, I will pass it straight on to my DC.

I know! I was adopted, my grandad died when he was 68, I was 19 and at uni. My grandmother then died when I was 26 and studying professional exams. My beautiful aunt then died the following year, she was only 33.

None left inheritances. My aunts DC were very young at the time. I can absolutely guarantee if they had the option of inheritance or their mum back they would choose their mum. But those are not the choices. I also know it would have made their lives and her DHs life a lot easier if there was some big inheritance

My parents are both only children and inherited nicely from their parents. My dad has spent years telling my sister and I that we will be 'well off' and 'lucky' when they die. My sister took this onboard and has never purchased her own home, I on the other hand am a pessimist and fully aware that life likes to throw in nasty curveballs so DH and I purchased our house when younger and have always been financially self sufficient. It has paid off because mum was diagnosed with dementia 8 years ago which is now in the advanced stages, sadly she is soon to go into a care home costing £100k per year and my dad is now showing signs of cognitive decline so who knows what the future will bring but I doubt any money will come our way.

I have never expected or thought I would get any inheritance anyway and it looks as though that will be the case.

When my parents w

It's a more of a mumsnet thing to be furious with anyone who expects an inheritance.

I've inherited my mum's house and that's what she wanted. I'd have been in a mess if she'd had to go into a care home and I know she'd have been very upset if her money had been spent on that. I was absolutely relying on that inheritance - of course I was because at some point I'd have probably ended up homeless if I hadn't inherited. But apparently that's not allowed.

It may be that at some point I'll give my house to my children while I'm still young enough for it not to be deprivation of assets. I want them to have as easy a life as possible especially as one has 'failed to launch'.

I agree with you @GasPanic l always think of it as if you went off to live in a hotel and expected it to be free. Obviously it must be upsetting when a relative requires expensive care that depletes their funds. That is just the luck of the draw though. I inherited £5000 from an Uncle who was also my Godfather. A lovely man. It was donkeys years ago. I was very grateful as a single parent with bugger all at the time. Only other inheritance was a ten pound note in an envelope my Nan left me when I was sixteen.

You will inherit from your husband if he dies first!

Never inherited a penny. My grandparents were poor, my mother died unexpectedly, naturally leaving everything to my dad, and when he remarried, he and his wife made mirror wills. He died a few years later, and she's been syphoning my dad's money to her own son, so I doubt there'll be much left by the time she dies. She hasn't remarried, but I don't think there's anything stopping her making a new will anyway. In short, I don't expect any inheritance.
DH will get one (parents both dead now), albeit a share of a modest estate depleted by care home fees.

My aunt stole a ruby ring left to me by my grandmother. I always thought she loved me, but greed is a funny thing. It didn't affect my love for her (geographically not close, but i did love my glamorous aunt from afar), but after that, I felt sorry for her. She also stole things that had been left to her own parents. They asked my dad not to contest it. They were right. She lost more than she gained....

There’s a lot of luck involved as to whether you get an inheritance. I can understand some being resentful and jealous when they see someone receive a heap of unearned money, enabling them to buy a house, have lovely holidays etc, when they are struggling.

We live in an inheritocracy. All of my DCs friends have had parental help and/or an inheritance when buying their homes, and in many cases other parental help too.

DD was quite shocked when one of her friend's grandmothers died, and instead of inheriting something she had to travel home and help her Mum clean out the house as the council wanted it back.

Most people move in similar circles and I think those that don't inherit or have parental help probably have a lot less contact with those that do due to lack of funds limiting their life choices.

How?