Inheritance

DH and I have made our way in life without any inheritances. We’re in our 50s and his parents are still alive but we will receive something in 5-10 years, assuming they do as they plan and remain living at home and have home carers visit. They are both very active and independent at 84 and family members seem to live until early 90’s with just the final weeks spent in a hospice.

Anything we get will be welcome as DG we’ll finally be retired then. But we are practically mortgage free now - we have an offset mortgage with 90-95% of the outstanding amount in a linked savings account, plus savings to cover the rest) - so any inheritance will cushion retirement and provide fun money. We do plan to downsize upon retirement and release money for the kids to invest in their first homes in their 20/30s [rather than wait until we die and they are in their 50s too], but they will receive a decent inheritance from us - we’ve worked hard to financially plan for both theirs and our futures… though the current labour govt will no doubt dream up some cash grab to spoil that.

But no. Not a penny from anyone else.

the other issue is the age you are when you inherit. I’m in my late 40s with all 4 of parents and parents in law alive. Very few people I know of my age have had an inheritance yet.

The assumption seems to be that older people will skip a generation and leave money to grandchildren, but in practice I don’t know anyone who inherited a large amount when grandparents died, many of their parents did, it didn’t automatically trickle down. The only people I know who got help with deposits got that from parents who were wealthy, retired from very well paid jobs, not automatically passing on inheritance.

My father's uncle was a bachelor and never left the family farm. It was left to him to live out his day until his death by his parents, under the understanding that it would then pass to the 8 nieces and nephews, split equally.

Well. Great Uncle dies. The farm is worth multiple millions. The cousins get together to open the will....and it is all left to only one of them. My father's sister. Not a penny to anyone else. Sister acts surprised but slinks off and never offers anything to anyone else. She was close to Great Uncle, but no closer than some of the other cousins, and didn't do any 'more' for him. She won't admit it, but something made Great Uncle change the will to exclude the other 7. I think some of them tried to challenge it, but it was cut and dry as he was of sound mind when the will was written.

It caused a huge family rift. My Dad was miffed but somehow has been able to maintain a relationship with his sister, but none of the other cousins do. I must admit, its definitely made me look at my Aunt in a different light, particularly as she promptly sold the land off to developers and now swans around the world business class, and posts all the snaps on insta...

No parents left, no grandparents left, no inheritance. My family just leave chaos when they die.

My wonderful aunt is terminally ill. She may leave me a small sum but has helped me practically and financially over the years. She has a husband and they have two children and two grandchildren so I’d expect I’d get a token rather than substantial cash.

DH got about £2k from his step grandmother 15 years ago.

DH’s parents have a fairly valuable estate and are late 70s and well so I would not be surprised if they lived healthily for another 20 years (which I really hope they do).

Parents rented their whole lives with no savings, so not a penny from them!

My Mother left everything to her favourite child, not me. At least there were 6 of us so 5 of us were upset together so could talk about it. DH Father left everything to DH sister, much joking about us being the non favourite children so meant to be together. If wills had been fair and equitable then we should have had about 250k between us.

The problem is the new IHT rules significantly impact not just the super wealthy, but move many more people into the IHT category.

Why would anyone begrudge an elderly parent using funds they've built up over their whole lives (presumably by working hard and saving) to support themselves in their old age and ensure they get the best possible care when they need it?

But paying £5k a month or whatever @Singleoldermum doesn’t guarantee you’ll get the best care. Don’t be under the illusion that the self-finders reside in wonderful homes with the most attentive and motivated staff, and the state-funders are in the crappy homes.

My mum won’t receive anything from dgm when she passes. It’s all been eaten up by care fees.

if dgm was of sound mind (dementia) she would be so mad at this.

dm is adamant that me and my sis will receive half of everything her and ddad have. But I’m not counting on it.

id rather they enjoyed what they have now not hoard it for the future. Which is what they’re doing.

Yes, I got 10k from my mum that I spent on paying off debts and doing up my house (decorating) then flogging it after ex cheated and left me with his debts. At least he got nothing from the house sale. 😁

Dad died when I was in my teens and no inheritance from grandparents as they got cheated out of their home, business and savings by their oldest greedy daughter and son-in-law. My mum had to step up and take grandma into our 3 bed semi as she was effectively homeless with dementia. I was a teenager and it was all a bit shit. 🤷🏻‍♀️

My best friend has received a lot of money from various inheritances BUT, her husband died young leaving her with 2 young children and no amount of money makes up for that. 😢

DH and I haven't inherited anything. My mum is one of 9, and my grandparents house was sold for £90k. I got bought a £100 watch.

DH's parents are very middle class and should be incredibly comfortable, but are so financially reckless theyre as poor as church mice, and have eaten up any money left by his grandparents.

DH also won't inherit a penny from his parents. They are so stupid with money, they are still in debt in their mid 70s and will certainly equity release their home. As long as they can't touch OUR finances, we don't care and just pity them really.

Also honestly if you got to choose I’d 100% prefer that my parents died suddenly next year than that they developed dementia next year, soon didn’t know who I was, and lived for another 5 or 10 or 20 in a care home confused as to what was happening to them and becoming gradually less and less coherent and more frightened.

I think when people say they’d rather have that extra time they rarely think what that time would be like and if it would really be a good thing for their loved ones.

Obviously there are lots of in between scenarios but the one where you effectively lose your parents to dementia first seem to be the ones that most typically result in all their money going to care fees so as you say those people just lose both 😢

I don’t think it’s a matter of envy. The fact that some people inherit vast amounts (not the people in this thread, I’m thinking of the truly wealthy, think of oh - David Cameron as a example) means that money is used in an inefficient way. It is wasted on treats and pointless luxuries when it could be used in practical ways for things people need. It increases inequality, which distorts the market (eg for house prices) and significantly reduces social stability & cohesion.

I don’t have any issue with ordinary people inheriting mum & dad’s house. But I think massive inheritances (often involving extensive tax planning) are having a very adverse effect on society.

I used (a long time ago at the start of my career) to work in estate planning- that’s inheritance planning for the very wealthy.

No. Some of us are single parents and that means our kids are worse off if we die young versus a remaining adult spouse.

I hate the new IHT. You always think about it in terms of elderly parents and people getting a windfall. Should be a provision for parents who die leaving dependent kids.

Yes, me too. I've seen it happen with a friend's family. Even in my own family, it's causing problems as my DM keeps changing her plans and discussing this in front of us. Her latest choices are so unfair but I just keep my mouth shut.

Disabled persons rail card perhaps?

So sorry for your loss @FlakyRedLion

You can get a pass ID card from the post office for £15, I think you can apply online as well. It’s good for voting as well. Worth getting.

My parents inherited nothing from their parents. Neither did my PIL. Our parents do own their own property but we expect that will be needed to fund their older age and any care. If, as their POA, I have to make decisions about their care later, I will spend every cent they have to make sure they have the best care possible. It's their money, they earned it, I have no right to expect anything but residuals, and no right to expect there should be residuals left.

My parents don't have a penny. I'll probably just have a big bill for funerals and (their council) house clearance.

So your parents are still alive @realsavagelike but you’re jealous of people whose parents are not?!

I mean… I know that’s being obtuse, but you need to reframe things!! You do realise that inheritance means there has been loss, don’t you??

I’m always staggered at the thoughtlessness or worse, carelessness of those parents who remarry and don’t make provision for their children.

And I’m also shocked at the lack of morality and basic human decency of new spouses who are prepared to inherit everything from their new partner and who don’t ‘ see his (original) children right’.

If it's any comfort OP I will not inherit anything from my father except debts..Luckily you can't inherit those.

My family were wealthy, but each generation since my GGM over the last 100 years made absolutely terrible financial decisions, which has whittled away any family money and property to pretty much nothing. It occasionally rankles just a touch

My DH's family are very wealthy, with properties and financial interests in the UK and abroad. However, as the years go on, even those resources will be sunk into making older members of the family comfortable in their later years, and definitely care home fees for my in laws. Around £200,000 has been spent this year alone - I doubt much will be left for the five DC who might have inherited.

There is no bitterness about it. It wasn't ever our money. Someone else earned it, and it's being used for the right thing.

It's not your inheritance. It's their money to use as needed to make their lives as comfortable as possible until the day they die.

Why would anyone begrudge an elderly parent using funds they've built up over their whole lives (presumably by working hard and saving) to support themselves in their old age and ensure they get the best possible care when they need it?

If people want to ensure they gift their children or grandchildren a house deposit etc, they should perhaps do that whilst they are alive. However, if they do, they are doing it on the understanding it may leave them short in old age and therefore being able to afford a much less comfortable old age than they'd planned for.

It's an incredibly selfish attitude to think your parents or grandparents should go without in their later years just so you get enough for a house deposit rather than just saving for it yourself.