Inheritance

I got £1000 from a grand parent back in 2007 and I used it as a deposit towards a new rental as I was pregnant with no 3 and we had to take my DN in. So that covered first months rent, deposit and a hire van.

both my parents are still Alive. My mum is 70 and an alcoholic along with her husband but between them they have a fair few collectibles that could, possibly, raise around £3-4 k. But with 3 adult kids 8 grandkids, 4g grand kids that won’t be going very far after we pay the fee for direct cremation. Be lucky to get enough to cover even that.

My dad owns a boat and a flat and collects coins. Maybe worth £160 k as it’s up north. But again, that’s to be split between 6 children/step children. He’s 80 and like a spring chicken, up ladders, DIYing, following his hobbies around the country . He’s sharp as a tack so I fully expect him to go another 10 years easily. I’d be delighted if he spent every penny of his money as I just don’t care about it. The second he dies my step brother is going to demanding money, my half sister will be at his throat and me and my full sister want no part in any of it. No chance my dad will go to a care home, he will take care of himself before that happens and he’s told us specifically that if we get a message saying “don’t come round, ring the police”, we are to do exactly that. He’s incredibly practical and a tight arse so wouldn’t pay for dignitas or any of that. And he certainly wouldn’t be paying for private care. He’s had small cancers a few times and it’s always easily treated but I’ve day it won’t be and he’s not one to chase life prolonging /extending chemo. I kind of admire this tbh. No fuss, no mess, just practical and to the point. I can see that I’m a lot like him.

myself and my DH. We have 4 adult kids. I’m the only one of my maternal siblings ( me, 1 full sister, 1 half sister) to have been lucky enough to get on the property ladder. So that’s currently worth about £90k , cute little retirement proof 2 bed flat with private garden). So no huge inheritance for my kids or grand kids either.

We know we'll get a decent inheritance but we're hardly excited about it! For us, it's something that will happen in the future. It's my mum that keeps talking about it, how much her estate will be, how the tax will be taken off it, what would we do to invest the money... we have to shut her up! 😬

It wouod be easier on families if children were allowed to easily buy the family home for full market value my friends dad was in his late forties early fifties they had so many hoops to jump through it was ridiculous he wasn't even sick he was just moving and his house was ideal for his daughter and her family to buy right area right size right everything it was seriously tricky my other friend wanted to buy her mils house and still have her living there it wasn't going to happen legally everyone kept saying it was fraud how is it fraud she has her money for future care which she might not have even needed because she was living with her family they fully intended to pay full price 🤷‍♀️

I didn’t receive anything from grandparents. Nor from aunts uncles etc. My DF left everything to my DM and only when she died did I inherit the residue of her estate, which wasn’t much after care home fees. She didn’t leave anything to her grandchildren.

I think that’s how it should be, you bring children into to the word so they are your first responsibility. Their children are their responsibility. I will leave everything to DH and vice versa, and our children will inherit what we leave behind, if anything. We don’t have DGC but if we did they wouldn’t be direct beneficiaries.

On a broader note, whether or not you get a substantial inheritance depends on four factors:

1. parents owning property in London and the south east
2. only one possibly two siblings
3. parents not getting divorced and remarrying
4. parents not needing care

And actually I do know people who fall into this category (not me). And economists say that due to house price rises we're heading into the largest wealth transfer in history.

I think the resentment about the have inheritance/have not inheritance will get worse. This is because of the difference in life chances an inheritance now gives people. What matters more now isn't how hard you work, it's how much you inherit. I was of the generation were you could work, sometimes in very ordinary jobs, and get ahead, build a comfortable future. I did very well. Young people now don't have the same opportunities.

You can still have a provisional driving licence. You just don't have to use it,

But it doesn't need to happen twice, it only needs to happen once and that's a 50:50 chance surely? ie you've got two parents and one in four go into a home, therefore the chances that one of them will go in will be one in two? And that's where you spend all the money (speaking as someone who has a dead parent who left everything to surviving parent who's now in a home at a six-figure pa cost...).

I’m the same OP, me nor my husband have ever inherited anything from grandparents. It all went to their children (our parents), I have to admit at the time I had hoped to get a small token amount as it would have been really helpful but I just accepted it.
DH won’t get anything from his parents as they are now estranged and I really hope I don’t have to think about inheriting from mine for many, many years. Although they seem to be going out of their way to spend all their money (and rightly so tbh!).
I am jealous when I hear of people getting big sums (although i appreciate it often comes with big heartache and bereavement) but I’ve got a few friends who have been truly set for life after inheriting from GPs which does make me a bit envious while we struggle on!

What about the voters ID card? Don't you have that to prove your identity at the poll station?

Nothing from anyone and nothing to leave.

My dad owned a house with my sister but when he died she just absorbed his half. I am going to see if I can lodge a claim - I am NC with all my family. She has no partner or children.

IRL I think wanting an inheritance is a big thing. I’ve known lots of people to bank on future inheritance and talk about them for years and years.
I’ve also known people to try and keep their parents in their home often in unsafe circumstances. I am aware this is a combination of the parent wanting to stay home, the parent want their DC to inherit and the DC wanting to inherit.

No inheritance here. My Dad’s parents died when he was young - before he had kids - and my Mum’s Dad basically made some bad decisions towards the end of his life and lost everything he’d ever made. My parents are thankfully both still alive.

But being self funded means you have more choices.

Should the tax payer pay for all the care home fees?

There is an alternative of course to paying for care home fees which is to have elderly parents move in with family. That might mean at least one adult in the house has to give up work (with associated loss of earnings) to be a full-time carer and even that might not be enough.

The reality is that people are living longer and therefore have more years when they will need to be cared for and age related health care issues are becoming more complex to deal with because people are no longer dying within 5 or 10 years of retiring, but are living into advanced old age in a way which wasn't the case a couple of generations ago. 60 or 70 is no longer old in the way it used to be. That's why financial planning well into old age (80s or 90s plus) is so important.

Comparing state funded old age provision with private funded is no different from saying the family down the road don't work and still get housing, food etc so why should I work?

Look at state funded services like the NHS and other public services (yes, I know that's for everyone, not just the elderly). It's on it's knees due to chronic underfunding. The state simply can't afford to pay for old age provision for everyone, as a country we can barely fund the public services we do still have.

I don't understand how anyone gets excited about an inheritance before it arrives - I always assume care home fees will eat up most of it, even £1million won't go far if you have 10 years in a care home.

My grandparent died 25-30 years ago. Before they died they told me they had left what would be around £15,000 in today's terms for me and sibling, in a separate earmarked account. My parent and their sibling pocketed the lot and were very cagey about the estate. Turns out the estate was worth about £900,000 in today's terms and the will that was executed was from the 1970s, 25 years before they died, naming only my parent and their sibling as beneficiaries. Fishy as fuck. I had to write to the probate office to get the details. They were already very comfortably off, but bought 3 more houses between them (additional to the ones they already had) and went on a lot of cruises.
I was dirt poor. I remember being down to my last £15 shortly before she died, and down to my last £40 shortly after, and wondering how I was going to eat the next week if my pay didn't come through. The money would've been an enormous help but what really rankles is the sense that you've been cheated and kicked when you['re down by the very people you should have been able to rely on for fair treatment.

Neither of my sets of grandparents were wealthy. They owned homes in poor parts of northern england worth about 120k each and didn't have any other savings of note. After funeral costs and stuff i think they each got about 35k (siblings got similar shares). My dad gave me & my siblings 5k each out of his which was really nice, my mum has a smaller pension than dad so her 35k is a bit of a nest egg in case anything happens to dad. My parents house is worth about 500k but I'm expecting some/all of that to go in paying for care as they don't have much by way of other assets. It's their money, i don't have a sense of me being entitled to a share.

By contrast i live in the south east now and the unearned property wealth is immense. Lots of friends locally have parents and grandparents who bought houses for 200k in the 90s that are now worth £1.5m, plus have savings/share portfolios. When DH grandmother (a Surrey resident) passed there was a £1.3m pot split between 3 siblings.

My friend (and sister) has inherited multiple times from elderly relatives. Her life has been undoubtedly easier than most people. She could work part time, invest in hobbies, ski holidays and once she has children she has never had to return to work.

I don't envy her but recognise she doesn't understand her privilege and fortunate position so doesn't have a generosity of spirit, I guess it's led to entitlement. Anyone who has been gifted an inheritance should recognise their fortunate position - it's important to acknowledge life can be easier with money.

I agree you should pay for your own care. The question is should your spouse’s money also go on your care.

My dad changed his will to leave his money to me and my brother rather than my mum (his wife) as she’s been diagnosed with dementia. Her money will rightly be spent on her care, it’s not a given she should inherit from someone else and then their money go on her care too.

None here and I have managed fine as a single working mother not on any benefits and I know lots the same. I did laugh some years ago when someone was going on at length about how they scrimped and saved for years to clear off their mortgage when everyone knew fine well it was an inheritance but each to their own I guess.

My mother generously split what she inherited from her father with equal shares between herself, me and my other sibling. It was about 60k each, so much appreciated, and not expected.

She has her faults but I will always appreciate that she did that for me, and help me to get my own place (which I then regretted buying but that's another story!)

A friend did not want to inherit her brother’s estate because, she said, there would be too many arguments in the family..

Instead she gave the whole £200,000 to her son (who was the next closest blood relative to her brother) who can’t even be bothered to visit or treat her to the one thing she has wanted for her birthday over the last three years - a day trip to the coast!

I haven’t, my grandparents had nothing, barely enough to pay for their funerals, anything left went to their children, my parents are still alive but if they get dementia then everything will go on care (rightly). My dc are both currently buying properties, my mum gave them £5k each to help with actual moving expenses, furniture etc but I have nothing spare. One dc saved deposit completely herself, buying on own (not London but is SE) other has had undisclosed help from her fil!

Nothing for me Op. I’m proud to have worked hard all my life for everything I have and to have saved for my own future. I’m also happy that my parents lived long enough to spend all of their savings - thats the legacy my parents left me and I’m very content with it.
Don't get me wrong, a windfall would be lovely but it’s not going to happen !

If my mum or dad had done this I’d have shared with my sister - what a mean thing to do without a specific reason (disability etc).