I hate my DSD

This. This. This.

This is spot on.

There is no hope of any reconciliation, forgiveness or trust between any of you, if op continues with this level of anger and resentment. Why would anyone want to continue having a relationship with a partner who hates their child? Or do you express yourself differently to him Op?

Teen girls can be extremely challenging but you don’t respond by upping the ante or ignoring a child in their own home.

I think we can all guess why a teen would lie and say she is being starved, that her clothes aren’t washed, and she’s not allowed to shower. It was an awful thing to do, but what do all of those things represent? Love. Love is what she is obviously lacking. It might be there in some forms but this teen is not feeling it!

Not from her mum who has moved away, from her dad who is too indulgent to do the hard work, and a stepmum who hates her. Of course the wrong response is to take the accusations literally.

No matter what has happened, op is the parent, and sdd is the child. Many fifteen year olds act impulsively and without thinking through the bigger picture. This teen needs solid, firm, calm kind boundaries not inflammatory hatred, even if it’s not expressed out loud, and being ignored in her own home. That is a highly disregulated response. Imagine coming home from school to that. The child was waving a massive red flag when she did what she did, and when your kids become teens op you might understand it better.

So many mothers of young children in blended families don’t have a clue what teens want or need. As a result the incumbent older adolescent gets constantly and unfavourably compared to the young dc who are still cute, happy, compliant in the main part and whose problems are easily fixed.

Instead of intense hatred, and taking this so personally, the way to resolve this is to try and understand the motivation behind her actions and see what can be done to resolve the issue and move forward.

As the poster above says, even if this teen is out of control and beyond help, it’s still no excuse to match your response to theirs. Your response needs needs to be objective and independent of any feelings you have about her actions, and one of taking the high road, no matter what, because you are an adult and you chose to be in this child’s life,

You all need family therapy. Urgently. And the households need to divide.

Who is doing this, then? Who exactly is enabling her behaviour, saying it's ok...? Presumably you don't mean anyone on an anonymous message board, so people in real life are enabling her.. ?

Wow you’re awful. 😞

And btw you’re NOT awful or evil because you’ve reached your limit. I’ve said it before on this thread but at 15 you’re old enough to know the repercussions of your actions and the harm caused by telling lies. these “oh she’s had a terrible childhood posts” just let really poor behaviour off the hook. plenty of children have less than desirable childhoods for a variety of reasons but they don’t make other people’s lives hell

No wonder the SD tried to get social services involved. She needs someone to fight her corner living in this toxic environment.

Growing up I had a neighbour who was repeatedly in trouble for “false” claims to social services for neglect regarding her parents. She was a terror. Everyone knew it. Unmanageable and always in trouble. Threw her siblings toys out the window. Used to play Barbie Girl full blast on repeat for hours. It was horrible. Everyone hated her. A few years later her father hung himself after he was questioned by police for sexually abusing her.

Children often act out in terrible ways when they are hurt. It doesn’t make them likable people, no. But if you have nothing but hate for a Step child and you make that well known you are creating an abusive environment for them to grow up in.

Your toxicity needs to be removed from this child’s life OP.

Yes, it’s the repetition that’s awful. Very childish actually and obviously an attempt to provoke people.

Nothing wrong with getting something off your chest but the rest of what you have said and how you continue to repeat yourself is truly awful.
Would you feel this way towards your own DC? Only you seem to have rose tinted glasses on here in that it is only your SD who is so terrible...... what if your own DC do this or worse? Would you hate them too?

looking after a teen shouldn’t be an endurance test. I know they can be challenging but there is a limit to what you can deal with.

vent away here. I’m listening.

I assume you haven't read or taken anything PP's have said either.

You are truly awful I actually worry for your DC.

DSD is a child. You are an adult and a mother in your own right. Do better OP. This is fucking sad to watch.

It really, really isn’t normal behaviour, it’s very disturbing.

No I haven’t either because I haven’t got all day. But yes it’s that simple, if it’s that bad GO. You have one life.

And by choosing to remain, filled with hate, in her life you are actively harming her. Said it again.

You are the adult. You can leave. This child has no choice but to stay there feeling your palpable and deeply personal disdain for her being.

Be an adult and do something because screaming about how much you hate her does not refute the abuse claims. It steps to proving them.

I think you need help, this is not normal behaviour

Then LEAVE!

I think you’re deliberately looking to wind PPs up by repeating ad infinitum how much you hate your DSD, OP. You must have known how such a thread would go down on AIBU, and now you’re persisting with it.

It's good to vent! Crack on, that's the beauty of this place - anonymity!

Well do something about it then, carrying on as you are and ranting about it on the internet isn’t going to change anything. Your choices are to spilt up or endure her behaviour til she moves out, simple as that.