I hate my DSD

Maybe op is just a vitriolic hate filled woman. Self certifying as a stepmum who was originally caring and wonderful, just doesn't ring true. If her DM was so awful, DH should have created a secure home for her first and foremost. This isn't all the girls fault, I believe she reported neglect, because she felt neglect, it didn't just come out of the blue. Hopefully when OP does leave, she can create a loving home for her 2 kids where they take priority, and a if a new partner comes into her life and wants more they want more kids, she might have a good idea of the impact that could have on her two.

At the moment she is hoping for a life where SD disappears and they live happily ever after as a family of 4. Too late, too fucked up. Sad for all of them.

Well as long as you're happy.

We have been together for 6 years now, I haven't spoken to his son in 5 years, we are doing absolutely fine. Why would I break up with him over his family member is absolutely nothing to do with me?

They still have a relationship, I just don't hear about it and I'm quite happy.

From one stepmother to another , op you have my sympathy.
There are plenty on here getting stuck in , i bet the majority have little / no experience of what it's really like .
I am pretty sure you didn't set off feeling like this about the kid but you have been pushed to your limit .
I truly hope you have happy times to come, it can be truly awful.

If it hadn’t been the OP it would have been someone else who the DSD would probably have made life miserable for too. Or did you think that if the dad didn’t meet the OP, he’d live the life of a monk until the DSD is 18 (or maybe 25 until her frontal lobe is fully developed)?

Break up with him then. Your hatred is only going to make things worse. I can't fathom why anyone could possibly get involved with a man whose child they despise so much.

I'm with you op.

I absolutely hate my dps child. He is just an awful, selfish, nasty, manipulative, abusive little cunt.

I have decided not to live with dp because of his child, because he would never be welcome in my house.

I know it's easier said than done, but I would leave, it doesn't mean the end of the relationship, just means you're not living together for a while, this will probably do your dc a favour too, it sounds like a hellish way to live.

She's hardly made things better has she. Maybe her DH could of concentrated on the child he already had.

Well, we only have your word to go by and given you HATE a 14 year old, I’m going to take a stab and say you’re not a particularly reliable poster.

Im sure she had her reasons, whether it was genuine (again, only have your word to go by), or a cry for help as she’s living with a woman who hates her and slags off her mums parenting.

Either way, you need to grow up.

Really? How? Would her mum not have neglected her if the OP had never come into her life?

OP definitely has every right to express how she feels about her 15 year old SD andshe hates her.
She may well not have started out hating her and had the best intentions, let's hope not.
But.
If you have got to the level of hating your SD then you have no business being around them pretending to parent them, can you not see that is really damaging to everyone.?
I think it's incredibly hard to be a stepparent and some do it really brilliantly and navigate the problems.
Unfortunately you can never know when you start out with a partner who already has children how it will go but you can be the adult and recognise that hating your SD is no way to live and do something about it.

I'm guessing few people have experience of what it is like being a stepdaughter who obviously felt neglected, has been let down by her BM and lives with a woman who is filled with bile and hatred. No way do I believe OP was ever a loving stepmum & DH was a brilliant dad. This girl must have felt unwanted, unloved and rejected for a very long time. I just think it would have been a very different story if this woman had never come into her life.

From one stepmother to another , op you have my sympathy.
There are plenty on here getting stuck in , i bet the majority have little / no experience of what it's really like .
I am pretty sure you didn't set off feeling like this about the kid but you have been pushed to your limit .
I truly hope you have happy times to come, it can be truly awful.

You are absolutely delusional to think that reporting neglect to authorities is normal teenage girl behaviour.

My mother and I got into some right disagreements when I was younger and really didn’t get on very well for some years that was NORMAL teenage behaviour, would I have reported my parents to the authorities for neglect. No because I knew very well the impact and the consequences should I have done that to very innocent people.

Whoever said narcissistic hit the nail on the head.

I have been kind, caring and supportive for long enough. Sorry that I’ve offended you for not tolerating such nonsense. My children are the most important thing to me, imagine a child alleging something that would cause them upset and distress for what - nothing because the child is far from neglected. What if she’d alleged something much harder to prove, absolutely appalling behaviour and shocking that you think this is normal.

So top tip - if you don't love the child don't marry their dad? Because that is likely to bring you into frequent contact, which is unlikely to be good for either of you, much less the subsequent children you then choose to add to the shitshow.

But no, heaven forbid the adult make a mature decision/sacrifice, after all they're 'in luuuurrve' and that surely overrides any consideration of what is good for the children involved.

I imagine in these circumstances she has good reason to feel neglected and that her needs really aren’t being met. Perhaps she reached out to social services for help because she feels completely stuck.

OP seems very focused on the safety of her younger children and the “risk” her DSD put those children in. What risk was there? DSD didn’t herself abuse the children, wasn’t violent to them etc. if the “risk” was the lies to told to SS then surely OP should feel quite confident in proving them unfounded - particularly towards her own two DC. This is an emotional situation and OP has clearly had a very emotional reaction but calling her a psycho and making out she endangered OP’s own DC is completely unfounded from everything OP has said.

If OP was willing to clarify exactly what her DSD did maybe I would look on it differently. But she didn’t say yet that the ‘lies told’ were anything regarding abuse.

How do you know it would be shit ? there are plenty of loving step parent/child relationships.
This site is anonymous and the op has every right to express the way she feels , maybe she had every intention of loving the child but often life isn't as straightforward as that.

How do you know it would be shit ? there are plenty of loving step parent/child relationships.
This site is anonymous and the op has every right to express the way she feels , maybe she had every intention of loving the child but often life isn't as straightforward as that.

this post misses the point.

the reason that ‘the majority have no experience what it’s like’ Is absolutely right. And that’s the point. We know it would be shit, for both us AND the stepchild, and so we don’t have relationships with single parents!!

unless you are prepared to love a step child and treat them as your own, as some step mums on this thread can, then it is horribly selfish to get in a relationship with a single parent, because you’re not going to be able to give that troubled child the help they need if it comes about.

Does that mean her and her younger children should put up with an unlimited amount of abuse and harm? What a ridiculous notion.