I hate my DSD

The situation sounds awful. Can she not go back to living with her mother? It doesn't seem fair on your two children to have her with you.

Is she a danger to your other children OP?

Children can be held criminally responsible for their actions from age 10. There is a reason for this age. They are old enough to be held accountable for their actions.

I don't understand why you are getting a hard time. SS involvement with 2 other small children would have been incredibly stressful. I completely understand the 'checking out'. It doesn't have to be forever, but for now you've had your fill and you are done. You are allowed to be done and to vent anonymously online.

I’m pretty sure that leans on the side of psychotic

You think she’s suffers from psychosis? Do you know what that means?

That’s not me hating step mums that’s just being practical. Whilst you’re with her father you’re in her life. And you can’t be in the life of a child you hate.

She can’t be divorced from your DH, so you have to be.

I think you need to split up with her father in that case.

Oh god op I feel for you and I bet the majority of the posters having a go aren’t step parents. 15 is a vile age anyway and my stepdaughter went above and beyond just to be awful to all of us except her dad, we finally fell out massively when she was 17 and she moved back with her mum. From that day on it was like a massive dark cloud had moved from above the house. We started talking again when she was nearly 19, she is 30 now and we get along fine but my god I came close to leaving her dad and my mental health really took a hit. Sending you lots of strength x

all I can say is: Women of the UK stop going round taking any man that comes to you and has a need to live somewhere and brings you step children. I have not seen this is any other country

Op you won’t get any useful advice here because you are a stepmum and people hate stepparents/blended families in general.

Im all for supporting and prioritising children but it must be very hard when one of them is behaving so badly. Do we excuse all bad behaviour with ‘aww she’s just a child” - when does it end? Not all children are infallible, some just are plain nasty and spiteful. To make up lies about your family and subject them to social services investigations is not normal.

The one thing posters are correct about is that you can’t live like this. It’s toxic for everyone including your own dc. Your dh either needs to get her some proper help pronto and you need to work as a unit to try and correct this. Or you need to sadly separate until things settle down.

Ok so you hate her. I feel really sorry for her as she needs to find someone to live with who doesn't feel that way. She's a child and at 15 plenty of people don't act fantastic especially If there's been trauma or MH issues.

If she has a personality disorder or whatever then I hope she can seek therapy.

Go on OP let it all out.. I bet you have wanted to say that for a long time. The 15 yr old matters but so do you !!

I’ve name changed so I don’t get any flack elsewhere and I don’t see it printed somewhere that’s outing.

I feel for you, I’ve been through something similar and yes I hated her. Hated her behaviour, her stealing, lying, constant intrusions from school or police or social services and lastly the activities she was doing in my home whilst my children slept in rooms beside hers. Haven’t seen her for years, she’s now an adult and not interested in ever doing so again tbh.

I totally checked out. My dh was and is a great father, his grief has been awful to watch and a support as his daughter became something he feared despite all his efforts

She sounds like a little shit

OP, my own sister was like this. She never wanted for anything, had nothing but support and love from both parents. She was just fucking vile to them and me - a total sociopath. She's still like this 30 plus years later and has destroyed every blood relationship she had. She's still doing it now, and after our last parent died has taken to torpedoing every thing I do to sort out the the estate... just because she can.

I have nothing but sympathy for you. It's not going to get any better.

If she lives with you then how are you blaming this all on her mum? Surely you and DH are doing the vast majority of bringing her up if she lives with you?

She probably resents you and her younger siblings. She’ll resent the fact that her parents have split. She wants to be in control of something. She sounds incredibly damaged.

Obviously it absolutely does not excuse her behaviour. I’m sorry she’s making life so shit for you all.

God no.

I think some people are being quite naive in their replies. It sounds like this 15-year-old has triggered an awful series of events. They are an age where they need to start considering their responsibility and you can’t blame the OP for allowing her visceral reaction to come out on an anonymous internet forum.

OP. What is your husband’s position on this?