I hate my DSD

15 year old girls can be very hard work. She needs parents and step-parents who are there for her despite the challenges.

I’m not surprised that you’re at the end of your tether, @8842688l, her behavior sounds extreme. Better to vent your frustration on an anonymous forum than say it to her face tbh.

To those saying it’s just shitty parenting, that’s not always the case. The mid-teens are a difficult time for many parents, My DD (20) did a number of dodgy things at 14/15 (nothing as extreme as the OP’s SD, thank goodness) and she wasn’t focusing at school, etc.,despite having a very stable home life with her parents still together. Then she suddenly matured at 16, took responsibility for her life, and is a completely different person now.

OP, I think that you need to talk seriously with your DH about how you’re going to address the situation. Your SD is manipulative but at 15, she doesn’t fully realize the consequences of what she’s done.

My advice would be for your DH to talk to her about her future and what she wants from life. I’m guessing that she’s in her GCSE year, she needs to start focusing on what she wants out of life instead of creating chaos.

I have no experience here so not going to judge. Simply to say it sounds like you have reached the end of your tether and understandably with having SS involved, that's incredibly stressful and scary.

I don't know what the next step is but I am glad that saying it on the forum helped you feel a little lighter to night and whilst I am sure DSD can pick up on your distress, it's good you have tried to protect her by taking yourself off to the bathroom.

I think it's really easy for others to judge and genuinely I do also feel sad for DSD in that I think this level of attention seeking must come from some kind of trauma or something like PMDD mixed with general teenage stuff but that doesn't make it any easier on you or your younger DC.

It sounds lame to say but I genuinely wish you all well and whilst not naive enough to think a resolution would be found tomorrow, I hope eventually it can be worked out.

Yet another blended family success story

After reading your posts I seriously think social services need to continue to investigate. The hatred expressed for the child is off the chart. You might also consider talking to someone.

Sounds like an utter nightmare, no wonder you're at the end of your tether.

Time for a chat with DH, find out if you're on the same page or if you'll have to separate for your own sanity.

What she's done is unforgiveable. The people giving you grief are being ridiculous. Anyone being put through a malicious allegation and being put through a SS investigation would be at breaking point over this. It's no joke what OP has been put through. Her stress levels must be through the roof, yet the virtue signallers on here are all "poor DSD" 🙄 Yes, the girl has serious issues, but FFS the OP has gone through hell because of her actions and needs some sympathy on her own fucking post.

I'm really sorry that you've had such a terrible time with your SD.
It sounds unbearable @8842688l and you've done well to endure it for so long.

They’re right though. You need to break up with her parent.

If you genuinely think she's got sociopathic tendencies maybe you all need counselling. Maybe a professional could make a better analysis of whether there's something serious going on or of she's just a' terrible teen' .and it will pass..

And if your bio children said that would you feel the same way?

No it really doesn’t. It screams of a child crying out for attention because she’s hurting.

The fact you went to psychotic says more about you than her.

They can be absolutely vile and yes while she’s a child it’s a shame she’s clearly so unhappy it isn’t up to you to sacrifice yours and your children’s mental health for her.

OP I hear you. I have a 16 year old DSD and she is EXACTLY the same. She is the only thing me and DH argue over. He thinks the sun shines out of her backside. I have serious concerns that she has MH issues. Again a mother that is useless, been to jail, emotionally abused her etc and I have tried so hard but her dna is undeniable. She is her mother’s daughter through and through and NOTHING I do changes it. She’s had counselling, made no difference. I’ve tried gentle parenting, no different. Strict parenting, no difference. You get the idea…I have 2 teenagers myself and they are sick of her being treated differently as I would never put up with the behaviour from them. I’m honestly considering ending my 12 year marriage over it

I get it.

My ex (split up last year) said that us splitting up was probably best for me (I know it was, I did it!) because his DD said shortly afterwards that if I had moved in she would have made my life hell until I moved out. Very worrying for me as purely by coincidence, her and my DD are in the same year at the same school and his DD is in the "mean girls" group (her words, she is proud of it), mine is in the "Nerd Girls" group, so I keep a very close eye on things anyway, but I dread to think how bad it could have been. As it was us moving in together was never on the cards until all the kids had well and truly grown and flown, but still the "what if...." thought is there.

We both knew she was a madam, only a bit younger than your SD, but she has got a lot worse in the last two years. All enabled and indeed encouraged by her mother.

Sadly, as a SM you will always get the Evil Step Mother thing on MN. You just will.

If you want a bit of support, the Step Parenting board is the place to go. Quieter but a lot more understanding.

Shit parents create shitty teens and shitty adults. And the cycle continues.

This. It’s like an epidemic in the U.K.

Why does he need to parent from afar? Because they were all too shit to take care of the existing child’s needs and had more ?

Another “I’m jealous of my step child” post. 🙄And blaming a child for putting your children through shit? Take them out of the situation. The delusion of so many step parents on here who think children should be blamed and hated for exhibiting concerning behaviour. If children are doing crazy things it is a cry for help you absolute fuckwits. You are not important just because you’re shagging their parent 🙄. Do one if you’re not gonna help. And the parents that stay with them are just as bad.

stop fucking children up man.

You don’t hate anyone op you are completely overwhelmed and you understandably have blocked care towards your dsd. You and your dh need help and support to deal with her behaviour. Does she have a referral to camhs. Are there any lifestyle changes you can make to make life easier for the next few months? Kids who are controlling and manipulative can be deeply fearful and anxious to the point where they behave in unacceptable ways. Your dh needs to parent from afar, she needs to move back in with her mum or be there at least half the time to give you and the little ones a break from the chaos. The priority are the younger children and their well-being. Living with someone abusive and with serious mental health issues is extremely hard and no wonder you have hit a complete brick wall.

Send her back to her mother. Take her stuff round when she’s visiting and change the locks. Tell your husband that he’s welcome to go with her but you need to put your children first. If he chooses to stay, he can see her outside of the house. I would be done and wouldn’t have her back in my house. 15 is old enough to know the consequences of what she did.

Unpopular opinion I'm sure, but you shouldn't be with her father. I was a quiet mouse as a teen but suffered a stepparent that clearly fucking hated my existence and you can be assured that this child will be adversely affected by this. Whether she's being a little shite or not, she didn't choose to be born but you chose to get with her father and have just told us all that you hate her.

Some people really should stay well away from single parents when they're pursuing a relationship.

I hope you manage to separate quickly as this is an awfully toxic situation for all parties.
I also hope her father helps her to access some support, as she sounds completely off the rails.

Some of these replies are baffling! A 15 year old is not some clueless toddler who doesn’t know right from wrong. Some people are evil and they are born that way. Are people seriously suggesting that the likes of Ian Brady and Fred West only became evil fuckers on their 18th birthday? I can only assume some of you coming out with the ‘aww poor little child, she’s too young to know what she’s doing’ bollocks are either parents of little shits or have no clue about how nasty and vindictive some teenagers can be. You have my sympathy OP, she’s really put you through a lot of shit and I totally understand how you feel.

Then split up. Why would you subject your children to that?

You've got a mangled family and you hate your partner's kid and your kids are going through bullshit because you won't pull the plug.