I hate my DSD

Wow, you're a delight. Let's give you all the sympathy and ignore our empathy towards the child.

I honestly do understand why people say things like this. I do. But, have you considered what you will/would have/ done/do if your children turn out like this during their teens? I know for a fact I would turf out my son, so why on earth would her husband? This child is just as much his child as the ones he has with the OP. They’re just as important.

Too many women are shite mothers but god forbid anyone point it out, it MUST be the male.

Uh huh. IF this were a real scenario, it would be up to your husband to sort it out, not because he has a penis but because he is the child's parent and you aren't. You're welcome.

I know a girl very similar to your DSD @8842688l . People feel very unsafe around her, not because she is physically threatening at all, she presents as sweetness and light.
She seems to like you and all is well for a while then the (false) accusations start. No one is immune, friends, parents friends, teachers etc. If you were foolish enough to believe a word she says you would think she had lived a life of daily trauma. In reality she has had a very privileged upbringing.
My own daughter has put distance between them as she doesn't trust her not to make up false scenarios and get her/them in trouble.
I would walk away from this relationship OP, for you and your other children. She probably needs more than you can give and you will drive yourself to distraction trying to make things right.

So you admit your "wonderful husband" has been a shit dad to her. But of course it is all the mun's fault.

You are all adults in this CHILD'S life and you are all to blame.

Step mum here too and it isn't easy and my dsc have out me through hell over the years but wow....you are vile.

Do the kid a favour and get out of her life.

I really feel for you OP and understand how you might be feeling.

My friend who is the kindest, most loving person you could ever meet met her husband around 15 years ago, he had a daughter around 12 years old at the time.

From day 1 the daughter been a nightmare. She is so selfish, self centred, jealous and overbearing…. My friend being the loving person she is loved her unconditionally still…. We as her friends and family respected that but I would actively avoid this child.

Over the years her behaviour escalate. She is always a victim that seems to go out of her way to make others miserable and you can see the satisfaction on her face when she has.

She very nearly ripped my friends marriage apart BUT they stuck together and made it through and in a great place now with very limited contact via the husband only. My friend had 2 boys when they met and husband has been the most incredible step dad, they also have a son together and are a very happy family all normal, loving and connected.

As mean as it sounds the daughter was always the issue and a vile human nothing will change. Now as an adult they have never worked, fat, lazy, messed up relationships and goes around wreaking lives all her family hate her but it’s all her own doing.

I hope you find a solution. Teenage girls are so hard but there is a limit on what’s normal and crossing the line. You are allowed to feel how you do, it doesn’t make you a bad person you are just being real.

My friends husband taking over ALL parenting saved their marriage. Take a step back and let him deal with it.

Good luck to you all x

You’ve done the right thing checking out.

Don’t do anything for her, don’t cook for her, don’t give her lifts, don’t buy her anything.

Are your kids safe, has she hurt them?

I'm sorry that your DSD is mentally unwell. Is she getting counselling? It sounds like she's had a traumatic/dysfunctional upbringing. I hope she manages to move past this and form a good life and relationships with her family without causing too much further trouble. Teenagers are impulsive, you have my sympathy.

I wish you could hear yourself.

No more bizarre than the title of your thread. I don’t think I have ever read a thread where an adult purported to hate a child. It sounds so awful and yes one’s response is to think “poor kid” not unfortunately poor you.

It isn’t unusual for a therapist to hear because they are used to listening to extremes. It is why they exist.

You have no idea what others have been through and how they coped with it. You are not the first or only person in The world who has had to deal with extremely challenging circumstances.

Of course the OP won’t leave. What she wants is the DSC to leave.

I take it you have younger DCs, OP. You need to hope and pray that your own DCs don’t become troubled teens. I’m sure you think they won’t due to your better parenting but sometimes it’s just hormones and personality and there’s nothing you can do.

Both my DSes were spectacularly awful at 15. Sometimes I couldn’t bear the bones of them. But then things like a Facebook memory would come up when they were young and I’d remember their cute little faces when they were little and that saved me. As a stepparent, you don’t have that to get you through the bad bits.

But this girl is your DH’s child and sibling to your DC. Is that not enough for you to try and show her some love and understanding? Remember you’re the adult here.

A teenager saying she's neglected isn't psychotic she's trying to get help. Many teens are infuriating, it's not unusual to hate their behaviour, but it is literally a phase.
For you, can you find somewhere nicer than the toilet to go and get a break, an evening class or coffee at a friend's?
For her, what does she want to not feel neglected, did she say during the investigation?
Why did her parents split? Does she blame herself?
How does her father interact with her? How does he react while you're in the toilet for hours? It's a sad situation for all of you. Family Lives has an interactive website and lots of non-judgemental advice re both step parenting and teenagers.

Harsh but true. Why on earth don't women find a bloke who doesn't already have kids if they want to start a family. This was 100% foreseeable as a likely outcome for a kid who feels she is getting replaced by the shiny "new family" and pushed out. Parents putting themselves first again as usual because they simply have to bring more kids into the equation.

Did you post about SD a few weeks ago? Her coming home distraught and wouldn't say why?

I have no way of knowing from here if she's the Devil incarnate or if you're the wicked stepmother. In the end, I'm not sure whether it matters. The situation cannot continue. You have to separate from your DH. The relationship between you and SD is irrevocably broken down and from everything I've seen, when this happens the SP is powerless ti rebuild it. If it is on SD's end, it's going to be related to her relationship with her bio parents and you've become the target. If her parents want to try to deal with her that's up to them, but the only power you have here is to remove yourself from the situation. Some people might suggest sending her to live with her mother, but if you force a choice, most parents will choose the child (and generally, they should). You'll never win with an ultimatum.

..

Move out then if you hate her and don't get with any more men with children. Poor kid.

Tbh those commenting really don’t know what the op might be going through.

In my work I’ve seen teens cause absolutely horrendous issues for their parents and I’ve often wondered how they cope. Regardless of the reasons behind the behaviour, it impacts everyone else. It doesn’t sound like op started feeling this way towards her…I’d imagine the chronic stress caused by her behaviour has something to do with it.

I have a friend who had a bio child who put her and her other kids through absolute hell, I mean abusive behaviour towards the other kids and herself, smashed up the house, laid hands on them, the younger child would have to be seen by the hospital for injuries. she did everything for the child to get them help and as he got older the abuse got worse and he started on the drugs. She eventually had to give up perental rights over said child and give him up to save her other 2 kids who now have ptsd and mental health from the long term abuse of their sibling. Some kids cant be helped no matter how hard you try.

Not true.
My ex is an absolute dickhead and a terrible parent, my kids are great though.
I know plenty of single parents who had some issues with their kids and had to deal with a shit co-parent not following the same rules/guidelines and they still managed to turn around the behaviour.

You have my sympathy OP. I don't think people understand how damaging false accusations can be, especially as you have other children.

Well done for putting your young children first. They don't deserve to grow up anxious and scared with a teenager who is out of control. It is sad she had a rough childhood but your other kids need protection

I hope you heal and get some calm back in your life.