Page 13 | I hate my DSD

8842688l · 2025-10-13T20:32:43+00:00

There I said it. Got it off my chest shes a horrible, manipulative, spiteful girl who treats everybody like shit. nothing more to say just needed to get it off my chest.

nomas · 14/10/2025 10:16

Nanatobethatsme46 · 14/10/2025 10:00

Lie or no lie it needed investigating. Too many children have died and suffered abuse at the hands of those meant to be caring for them be it parent or step parent or family member.
Children act out for a reason and sounds like she knows you hate her and shes very unhappy Does she live with you full time?
You need to be the adult and walk away from this relationship, she as the child has no choice in where shes forced to live.i doubt she would choose to be in that environment with you

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Way to miss the point of malicious reports. They waste valuable social services time

doglover90 · 14/10/2025 10:09

8842688l · 14/10/2025 10:06

It would be a brilliant post if it wasn’t all theoretical BS.
You have no idea the lengths we have gone to to try and support DSD, you are making up your own narrative based on around 40% of the full picture on anonymous post. We can all have the first paragraph from a story and write the rest of the book, but doesn’t meant the books are going to be as the original.

Putting my children and their wellbeing at risk is not going to provoke a “wow you seem upset, is everything okay” response from me. I am their mother my job is to protect them, I’m never going to excuse such shocking behaviour as started CLEARLY.

I think you are delusional as a parent looking at a situation you’ve probably never come close to experiencing and saying aw I’d give the girl a big hug and tell her everything is going to be okay. Do we not teach children that their actions cause consequences. Absolutely delusional

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If you think your children's wellbeing is at risk, why don't you end the relationship?

Original poster

8842688l · 14/10/2025 10:08

It’s quite mind blowing that 3 children in the house are expected to face consequences differently, what does that teach the younger children?!

OP posts:

Original poster

8842688l · 14/10/2025 10:06

awaynboilyurheid · 14/10/2025 09:28

Brilliant post 👏👏👏👏👏👏

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It would be a brilliant post if it wasn’t all theoretical BS.
You have no idea the lengths we have gone to to try and support DSD, you are making up your own narrative based on around 40% of the full picture on anonymous post. We can all have the first paragraph from a story and write the rest of the book, but doesn’t meant the books are going to be as the original.

Putting my children and their wellbeing at risk is not going to provoke a “wow you seem upset, is everything okay” response from me. I am their mother my job is to protect them, I’m never going to excuse such shocking behaviour as started CLEARLY.

I think you are delusional as a parent looking at a situation you’ve probably never come close to experiencing and saying aw I’d give the girl a big hug and tell her everything is going to be okay. Do we not teach children that their actions cause consequences. Absolutely delusional

OP posts:

Nanatobethatsme46 · 14/10/2025 10:00

8842688l · 13/10/2025 21:58

Guys sorry I was just here to release some much needed steam. I don’t actually care who thinks I’m unreasonable…

Imagine your other children being subjected to an investigation by social services because of a sick lie. Sorry, never going to win me over. It’s unforgivable

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Lie or no lie it needed investigating. Too many children have died and suffered abuse at the hands of those meant to be caring for them be it parent or step parent or family member.
Children act out for a reason and sounds like she knows you hate her and shes very unhappy Does she live with you full time?
You need to be the adult and walk away from this relationship, she as the child has no choice in where shes forced to live.i doubt she would choose to be in that environment with you

ExclusiveOffersOnly · 14/10/2025 09:58

arcticpandas · 14/10/2025 09:51

I interpreted this as the OP has tried to love her DESPITE her bad behaviour and vile actions. And now it's just getting to a point where she can't take it no more.

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I think you're right, that may very well be the case, but what I said is still true.

nomas · 14/10/2025 09:57

WeeGeeBored · 14/10/2025 05:54

It isn’t unusual for a therapist to hear because they are used to listening to extremes. It is why they exist.

You have no idea what others have been through and how they coped with it. You are not the first or only person in The world who has had to deal with extremely challenging circumstances.

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Who cares what others have been through? OP is dealing with her own bad situation, she has enough on her plate without worrying about strangers on the internet.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 14/10/2025 09:54

bananafake · 14/10/2025 06:43

She didn't say that at all, she said he's a great dad. But it's difficult for one parent, particularly the NRP to counter the poor parenting of the other parent. And sometimes it IS the mum's fault. I had a terrible mother. I also know loads of brilliant mothers but they're not all perfect and it's dangerous to assume they are.

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8842688l · Today 03:17

My DP is a wonderful man, really nice and kind. Does he always get things right, no he’s doing life for the first time too. But he definitely has not done a hell of a lot to get her back in check, unfortunately with such challenging behaviour you need BOTH parents to be on board.

She also said the above...contradicting herself.

If he isn't pulling her into check then she has a DP/DH cos in some posts he is her husband in others not...

This poor kid is the result of the feckless adults inbher life. Her dad, her mum and @8842688l

All of them have allowed her behaviour to continue. They are all responsible.

The only one not to blame is the CHILD who is reacting to the blatant bs she is being subjected to by the ADULTS in her life.

Kids dont act out just because, there is always a reason. It may be complex and unclear. But there is always a reason.

My dsc have been a nightmare at times. As tweens and teens they have been aggressive, unruly, caused no end of stress, have caused us investigatios with SS over disclosures amde to schools. But all of it was a reaction to the situation the adults in their lives had crested. A mum who had and affair on the school playground. Looks and points from peers who all knew because it was huge gossip in a very small village. A dad who was fucking useless at defending them from the utter twatery of their mum and her bf's rules (like not being allowed to shower more than once a week for a teen girl on her period), refusing to treat nits so they got so bad you could see them crawling across their faces from 10ft away. The pharmacist on boots was disgusted. My hv reported mum to social services for neglect as a result.

I fought so bloody hard to protect those kids. And I took the blame every single time from their mum and her bf. When the issue was the parents.

Even after I saw theough their dads bs and took my dd and left, I still got the blame and the abuse and instill faught for those kids. The kids hated me at points but they also knew who was always the one there even after I left. To look after them if they were sick. To talk to about sex, to rescue them from drunken stupidity at silly o'clock on a morning, because I parented them even when I probably shouldn't have. And they have grown to understand.

They are young adults now. 22 and 20 and they are amazing.

So yes. I absolutely know what I am talking about, and this OP is part of the bloody problem. Not just for her own dsd but for all step mlparents who take a battering on mumsnet. Because people like her go the rest of us a bad name.

arcticpandas · 14/10/2025 09:51

ExclusiveOffersOnly · 14/10/2025 09:48

you say one very telling detail you say "no more pretending"
I think if you had been genuine, from the start then this may not have escalated so badly
The kid is 15 and she is clearly not an idiot, if she doesn't believe your "kindness" is sincere, she is not going to respond well to it

Get some family therapy, that should sort some issues out

I interpreted this as the OP has tried to love her DESPITE her bad behaviour and vile actions. And now it's just getting to a point where she can't take it no more.

Glowingup · 14/10/2025 09:50

Thatsalineallright · 14/10/2025 09:41

A tiny fraction of children are born 'bad' (i.e. psychopaths) but the others are fucked up by circumstances.

This girl has had her parents split and then apparently her mum was so bad at taking care of her that she had to be taken away and instead live with dad at 12 years old (and why didn't he have her earlier if he knew what the mum was like?). That is a level of unstable family life that, thankfully, most people don't experience.

You don't think being neglected by her mum and unwanted by her dad has anything to do with her current behaviour?

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How do you mean unwanted by her dad? The fact that her dad remarried doesn’t make her unwanted and we have to get out of the narrative that parents owe it to their children to remain single forever. Your parents splitting up and you gaining half siblings is really not trauma or the worst thing that can happen to someone. Theres kids who survive wars and watch their family members be killed in front of them (ie real trauma) and they don’t turn out like this. Your dad having a new relationship with someone who made an effort and was kind to you really doesn’t come close.

ExclusiveOffersOnly · 14/10/2025 09:48

you say one very telling detail you say "no more pretending"
I think if you had been genuine, from the start then this may not have escalated so badly
The kid is 15 and she is clearly not an idiot, if she doesn't believe your "kindness" is sincere, she is not going to respond well to it

Get some family therapy, that should sort some issues out

arcticpandas · 14/10/2025 09:47

@8842688l Only you know what's been going on and I think you will get some pp here who have bad experiences of sp and therefore will project that to this thread.

She does sound like a sociopath. She might not be. Maybe she is just hurting and acting out. But some people do actually lack empathy towards others and take pleasure in causing harm/distress. So I'm not judging you. Is there any way she can move to her mum's? I mean since she believe everything her daughter says she ought to take her in with open arms?

You are all suffering because of her: you, your dh and I imagine your children as well. I would be very worried about having my children around a messed up teenager. Would she hurt them?

IkeaMeatballGravy · 14/10/2025 09:47

So, you hate your SD. What are you going to do about it?

If she is as bad as you say she is, why are you making your children live in the same home as her? You need to move out, your children's welfare is your main priority, above your partner's mental health.

If you choose to stay in the house, you need to seek outside support, even if that means more intervention from social services. Yours is a family that is broken and for the sake of all of the children you need help to fix it. I think your SD was right to ask for help, neglect takes many forms including emotionally. It's a shame SS closed the case.

Thatsalineallright · 14/10/2025 09:41

IsItSnowing · 14/10/2025 09:10

So many people seem to want to excuse the unexcusable here. The OP isn't dealing with normal teenage antics by the sound of it. She's probably dealing with a narcissistic personality who will stop at nothing, including harming those around her to get what she wants.
We talk all the time about narcissists on mumsnet but they don't materialise out of thin air when they become mils. They develop that way as young people or may even be born that way, I don't know. But I do know they exist and they cause untold harm to those around them if given the opportunity.
It's too easy to blame bad parenting and sometimes that may be to blame. And environmental circumstances obviously contribute.
But some people are just bad ones and no amount of good parenting will alter that. You have my sympathy, OP. It sounds horrific.

A tiny fraction of children are born 'bad' (i.e. psychopaths) but the others are fucked up by circumstances.

This girl has had her parents split and then apparently her mum was so bad at taking care of her that she had to be taken away and instead live with dad at 12 years old (and why didn't he have her earlier if he knew what the mum was like?). That is a level of unstable family life that, thankfully, most people don't experience.

You don't think being neglected by her mum and unwanted by her dad has anything to do with her current behaviour?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 14/10/2025 09:41

My teenager is very kind and gentle. I thank my lucky stars that she isn't like me as a teenager. I was horrible, so angry, distressed, wild, uncaring, eat disorder, didn't care about anyone, other times I felt sad, normal, scared.

I'm grateful that I rebuilt my relationship with DM throughout my 20's to 40's, I was a teenager only a parent could love.

Once my pmdd was under control life changed, my mh can be iffy but with medication, exercise and the right food, brand new.

This DC needs help. It's not your job but her health needs to be fully investigated.

I also had a dark secret that I was hiding.

Trendyname · 14/10/2025 09:39

WeeGeeBored · 14/10/2025 05:54

It isn’t unusual for a therapist to hear because they are used to listening to extremes. It is why they exist.

You have no idea what others have been through and how they coped with it. You are not the first or only person in The world who has had to deal with extremely challenging circumstances.

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She may not be the first to deal with extremely challenging circumstances but like those who do she is ranting. Nobody should be constantly be expected to endure high amount of stress without showing that they are humans too just because they are adults. Nobody likes a person giving them stress non stop. It’s human nature. She is ranting on an anonymous forum.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 14/10/2025 09:37

HashtagSadTimes · 14/10/2025 09:20

She is already in a cycle of causing psychological harm to her.

This was an obviously traumatised 12 yr old, who has been massively let down by all those who ought to have her emotional needs at heart. None of them have stepped up, and OP blames this child for her own trauma.

Nobody is denying it isn’t very difficult, but OP (and more particularly her husband) are not going to come out of this smelling of roses.
Did they massively underestimate the level of damage the daughter has already been subjected to? Yes
Have they taken her seriously? No
Have they even tried to inspect what the daughter means by “I’m being neglected” - not going by these posts.

OP, the anger and distress this child is experiencing is absolutely normal for someone who has had to be removed from her mother. If she could articulate her emotions in a manner that was acceptable to you, what do you think she would say?

You have allocated yourself permission to show an ugly and compassionless side of your character with the expectation that the circumstances explain your feelings. Might it be possible that some of her ugly/ compassionless actions also warrant similar consideration?
When you think about the circumstances that led to her living with you being necessary, is it possible that she feels anger at her mother which she cannot express because she doesn’t want her to be besmirched in front of you.
Is it possible that she feels jealousy towards your children because they have the stable life she perhaps craved, and now she has to watch others get it up close whilst not being permitted to complain.
Is it possible that her normal teenage woes and hormones are viewed through the lens of her being a psychotic little cunt, rather than meriting “Wow, you seem angry- is everything OK?”
It isn’t clear but has anyone ever just listened to her, without commenting or trying to fix it, or making her feel like a burden.

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Very well said

Worriedalltheday · 14/10/2025 09:36

Firedrink · 14/10/2025 09:20

Save yourself and your children OP, you can't change this.

This. Leave this man and you would never have to see that vile child again. I would never be with a man with kids. No man is worth putting up with someone else’s child for.

birling16 · 14/10/2025 09:33

8842688l · 13/10/2025 21:55

15

Exhausting all round

Thatsalineallright · 14/10/2025 09:30

You keep saying your DH is a good parent. So what help has he accessed? Has he asked for advice from a parenting coach? Family counsellor? Social services?

If he hasn't actually asked for help, then he's not a good parent. He's putting his own ego or paying for his netflix subscription or whatever over reaching out for real help for his dd.

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 14/10/2025 09:29

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 14/10/2025 09:15

I would step back for now. The 15 year old isn't your husband's am I right. Be careful in case he's treating her differently and she's upset/depressed over it and lashing out. You need to regroup yourself, one of you take the stress of daughter for a day or two (so she's in a better position to talk) and get to the bottom of this. Lots of listening. If she's consistently like this consider if she has someone in her ear backing her up on this too

Edited

Sorry just realised she's her stepmother 🫣

PinkyFlamingo · 14/10/2025 09:29

8842688l · 13/10/2025 21:53

She told authorities we were neglecting her which got investigated and of course found this wasn’t the case, I’m pretty sure that leans on the side of psychotic

That's not what psychotic means.

awaynboilyurheid · 14/10/2025 09:28

HashtagSadTimes · 14/10/2025 09:20

She is already in a cycle of causing psychological harm to her.

This was an obviously traumatised 12 yr old, who has been massively let down by all those who ought to have her emotional needs at heart. None of them have stepped up, and OP blames this child for her own trauma.

Nobody is denying it isn’t very difficult, but OP (and more particularly her husband) are not going to come out of this smelling of roses.
Did they massively underestimate the level of damage the daughter has already been subjected to? Yes
Have they taken her seriously? No
Have they even tried to inspect what the daughter means by “I’m being neglected” - not going by these posts.

OP, the anger and distress this child is experiencing is absolutely normal for someone who has had to be removed from her mother. If she could articulate her emotions in a manner that was acceptable to you, what do you think she would say?

You have allocated yourself permission to show an ugly and compassionless side of your character with the expectation that the circumstances explain your feelings. Might it be possible that some of her ugly/ compassionless actions also warrant similar consideration?
When you think about the circumstances that led to her living with you being necessary, is it possible that she feels anger at her mother which she cannot express because she doesn’t want her to be besmirched in front of you.
Is it possible that she feels jealousy towards your children because they have the stable life she perhaps craved, and now she has to watch others get it up close whilst not being permitted to complain.
Is it possible that her normal teenage woes and hormones are viewed through the lens of her being a psychotic little cunt, rather than meriting “Wow, you seem angry- is everything OK?”
It isn’t clear but has anyone ever just listened to her, without commenting or trying to fix it, or making her feel like a burden.

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Brilliant post 👏👏👏👏👏👏

samplesalequeen · 14/10/2025 09:28

HashtagSadTimes · 14/10/2025 09:20

She is already in a cycle of causing psychological harm to her.

This was an obviously traumatised 12 yr old, who has been massively let down by all those who ought to have her emotional needs at heart. None of them have stepped up, and OP blames this child for her own trauma.

Nobody is denying it isn’t very difficult, but OP (and more particularly her husband) are not going to come out of this smelling of roses.
Did they massively underestimate the level of damage the daughter has already been subjected to? Yes
Have they taken her seriously? No
Have they even tried to inspect what the daughter means by “I’m being neglected” - not going by these posts.

OP, the anger and distress this child is experiencing is absolutely normal for someone who has had to be removed from her mother. If she could articulate her emotions in a manner that was acceptable to you, what do you think she would say?

You have allocated yourself permission to show an ugly and compassionless side of your character with the expectation that the circumstances explain your feelings. Might it be possible that some of her ugly/ compassionless actions also warrant similar consideration?
When you think about the circumstances that led to her living with you being necessary, is it possible that she feels anger at her mother which she cannot express because she doesn’t want her to be besmirched in front of you.
Is it possible that she feels jealousy towards your children because they have the stable life she perhaps craved, and now she has to watch others get it up close whilst not being permitted to complain.
Is it possible that her normal teenage woes and hormones are viewed through the lens of her being a psychotic little cunt, rather than meriting “Wow, you seem angry- is everything OK?”
It isn’t clear but has anyone ever just listened to her, without commenting or trying to fix it, or making her feel like a burden.

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How long should someone put up with an adolescent who knows right from wrong destroying their family life?

your psycho babble post suggests the OP should just continue to endure lies and turmoil.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 14/10/2025 09:28

You haven’t said anything that makes me think that this child is any different to any other teenager, reacting to a situation that isn’t working for her.
Look at it from her point of view. Her parents split up. I don’t think you said when or why. But most children will wonder whether it was “their” fault. After all, her dad is now happy with another woman, and obviously very happy with his “new” children, so “what was wrong with her (daughter) that meant he couldn’t be happy with her”. He left her with a mother, who according to you was negligent, for years. Now, she’s living with a father who doesn’t know how to cope with her, a step mother who hates her, and two siblings who are the apple of stepmothers eye (for now anyway, until she realises that her own two will also probably rebel at some stage). You need to stop thinking about “you” for a minute, and work with your step daughter, on what SHE needs from you. Social services could have given you some pointers, if you’d asked them, as another poster said, but you were rude to them. She sounds as if she desperately needs help, and frankly to feel as if she “matters”, and not just an afterthought and a hindrance to everyone. Her mother obviously didn’t want her, her step mother doesn’t want her, to make her father choose between her and his other two children would be an awful thing to do, to all of them.