I hate my DSD

So what? She's has to put up with someone trying to wreck her life? Her kids life? Sounds like @8842688l has tried her best by this child, now it's time to put her and her kids first and find a way to get out. The young kids deserve better

I completely agree with this.

We both came from divorced parents who had numerous other marriages, step parents, subsequent divorces, step siblings, live in "boyfriends and girlfriends" that should never have been around children in a step parenting role, a revolving series of adults coming and going with all the upset, house moves and drama that this involves.its a chaotic and damaging way to raise children.
I'm not for one minute suggesting that blended families cannot work and a lot do get it absolutely right and thrive but they are the ones who have taken the relationship slowly, think about the impacts of blended families and prioritise their childrens emotional and physical wellbeing.

We have had numerous roadbumps in our marriage but as a direct result of our chaotic upbringings we have had more of a drive to get over of them as neither of us wanted our two children to have the same disrupted childhood that we did.

His Mum and Dad did exactly the same thing, passed him around between themselves as they saw fit, put other new partners above his wellbeing and shoved him into new family dynamics that he wasn't able to control or understand.

Exactly this. IMO this is one of the huge problems in modern society and at the root of a good proportion of the explosion in MH issues. One can only hope that a generation of adults who went through this themselves - like @LifeSurvior 's DH - are now starting to realise the scars it can inflict and there will be a pendulum swing toward putting their children's needs back square centre of family dynamics - where they deserve to be. Once upon a time, having a family was seen as a significant responsibility.

No one said it was normal. They said it was normal that her behaviour isn’t normal - in the circumstances.

What an utterly ridiculous post.
So male 13 year olds have to be seen in a different light to female 13 year olds?
They are both adolescent children dealing with abondoment and split family life.
My husband was that 13 year old male, he is still dealing with the loss of what should have been a safe family environment.
His Mum and Dad did exactly the same thing, passed him around between themselves as they saw fit, put other new partners above his wellbeing and shoved him into new family dynamics that he wasn't able to control or understand.

No different from me. I feel very sorry for the child in this situation.

[Although why anyone thinks "pearl clutching" adds anything to their argument escapes me]

Would love to see the about turn by all the pearl-clutching, amateur psychiatrists if it were a stepson rather than daughter subjecting the OP to this behaviour.

Her behaviour is not at all understandable, in any circumstances other than if she was actually being abused or neglected, which she's not.

I do see the point but then again many women have relationships with and have children by the most abusive pieces of shit out there and I’d hate to be judged for who I once had a relationship with. But yeah that would bother me that he once thought that this was a good person to have kids with and tie himself to financially.

I know this is a bit off topic, but didn't that make you think twice about your DH? He at one point married this woman and had children with her.

And if there has been any alleged lying, it seems to me that labelling those circumstances as "an incredible life" probably deserves to come up for consideration along those lines.

Well it certainly isn't normal for a happy teen with an "incredible life."

No one has said the behaviour is “normal” they have said the behaviour can be understood when a child is traumatised and hurt and feels completely abandoned then despised in their own home. I don’t think it’s entirely “normal” to repeatedly scream that you hate a 15 year old child, or that you think they are a crazy lunatic.

The child is reacting/acting out in pretty extreme circumstances having watched their father hurry along to start a new perfect family. DSD was originally left with her mother - who if OP is to be believed was also a lunatic. Then the mother abandoned the daughter and moved far away. The daughter now watches her father be a full time doting daddy to his new perfect children - something she didn’t (and likely still doesn’t) get.

Yeah that’s not normal either. Really not. Teens are not “a bit psychotic” any more than you can generalise and say adults are a bit psychotic. Some are but most are not.

Its not "normal" but does happen and is a known "acting out" behaviour.

You finding other people's opinions boring, whilst you rattle on calling the DD a lunatic, crazy, psychotic. People's intelligent well thought out posts BS. Nobody's going to change your mind, so don't ask whether you are being unreasonable then have a hissy fit when lots feel that you are.

I hope your therapy helps, you all manage to sort this out and none of you (including SD) continue to suffer. It sounds untenable for all of you. Sorry if I feel this isn't all down to your SD.

Yawn boring emoji is really childish. I'm honestly sure you are better in person, because this has obviously effected you deeply, but you really do sound insufferable at times

Teens have done this, even when not from broken homes. Teens are a bit psychotic - or more nicely put they are a complete maelstrom of hormones, impulses and emotions.

My bestie's sister climbed out of her bedroom window and phoned the police to accuse her father of abusing her - that was in the 1980's from a stable home - caused mainly by her parents deciding to have another baby (5th baby) with some gap between no 4 and 5. She went on to fall off the rails, have a baby at 17 (who is now very close to her aunt who she grew up with).

She apologised to her parents when she was 25ish as it was all much as you are detailing here...noting real but a huge raft of emotional torment, acting out and feeling not good enough for her parents, feeling she was being replaced with a new baby

Im not sure I agree with anyone thinking the DSD’s behaviour is normal tbh. It’s not. Calling SS and lying isn’t normal and the OP shouldn’t have to put up with it

I do think she’ll probably grow out of this phase however and it seems a shame to throw your relationship away, especially if he’s a great Dad overall. I think separate homes, at least for 2-3 years would make sense, if you want to make it work with DP I think it’s the only option in the short term

My husband’s ex wife put yellow jackets in a jar for her her kids to throw on me. I’m allergic. Good thing they didn’t sting me. We had taken them to the beach. She put it in the oldest child’s backpack. They thought it was funny. I do know the ex wife wanted me hurt

There becomes a time when you know you’can’t change anything and I get how you feel. There’s nothing wrong with your feelings. I’m sorry people don’t get but they never will. You’ve tried . What else are you supposed to do. Put your children at risk. No , I don’t think so. I hope everything works out for you.good luck

Typical selfish stepmother. Laser-focused on their "new" family/their own kids and no care towards the stepchildren 🙄

Yes I am.
But this child moved in with her dad just before 13, kids aren't a lost cause if there is bad parenting before then or if they showed issues while living with their mother before then.
My son has a friend who moved in with his dad at that age when the mother couldn't manage them and he changed his behaviour, I know plenty of other kids with quite severe behaviour issues who managed to change their behaviour when some part of their environment was changed, moved in with grandparents or went to an education programme for early school leavers, things like that.

It sounds like there are more issues here than parenting, such as some kind of trauma.

OP said the DSD manipulates every situation so that people question her DPs parenting so how does she even know how the mother parented or everything she tried or didn't try. The child lives with her father now and that isn't a decision that most mothers would take lightly.

The thing is, 15 - she'll probably be leaving home in a year or so. Surely not worth breaking up the home for the sake of, say, eighteen months? Hang on in there OP.

I think you should show your posts to your DH. Then let us know how he reacted.

I'm sure OP doesn't have to love her but it's a very big leap to actively hate your partners child.

Its not beyond most people who are relatively emotionally balanced to realise that hating your partners child whilst they are living in your house is not going to have a great outcome for anybody.