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Original poster

Was I wrong to say it’s inappropriate for her to ask for my number?

214 replies

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 21:01

I was at a wedding today and the drink flowed a little.

The daughter of along time friend asked me for my number. I’ve known her for years and she hasn’t asked me before. She’s 23 and I’m 49. I said no and told her it’s inappropriate as she can ask her dad how I’m doing or to arrange a group meet up. Not sure why else she would want my number.

The thing is I think I’ve upset her by suggesting something that I don’t think she meant. She’s had issues in the past and I didn’t mean her any upset.

Did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
OrangeAxolotyl · 13/10/2025 22:25

So - correct me if I'm wrong... you're not a particularly attractive middle aged man. At a wedding, people were a bit drunk, and your friend's attractive daughter - far too young for you - asked for your number. You were a bit harsh. Right?
What do you want to happen now?

idri · 13/10/2025 22:25

I’m assuming you’re a Man?

If so, I think you did the right thing. Sounds like she probably finds you attractive and wanted to keep in touch, perhaps eventually sending flirty messages etc. Obviously it would likely be the end of your friendship with her Dad if that all happened. Can’t imagine her Dad would be pleased anyway.

If you’re a woman, then yes you were rude and it’s weird of you.

reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 13/10/2025 22:25

But why do you think she wanted your number?

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:22

JulietSierra · 13/10/2025 21:05

I don’t understand why you told her she was being inappropriate? Of course you’re well within your rights to decide who you give your number to but why was it inappropriate for her to ask??

Because of her age and the fact she has no need to contact me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:21

Skippydoodle · 13/10/2025 21:36

I think your reaction is very odd.

Why?

OP posts:
OrangeAxolotyl · 13/10/2025 22:21

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:18

No way, she’s very attractive and I’m no catch.

Show quote history

So.... what exactly do you feel that the problem is? I'm struggling to work out what's actually happened here.

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:18

OrangeAxolotyl · 13/10/2025 21:05

Did you think she was coming on to you?
Was this out of the blue, with no conversation?

No way, she’s very attractive and I’m no catch.

OP posts:
SandlersToe · 13/10/2025 22:18

This is all so weird.

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:14

Mooselooseinmyhoose · 13/10/2025 21:05

I think context is key here! Is there a reason she might want you number which isnt suggestive? For example are you a plumber and shes just bought a house, or similar.

What did she say immediately before asking for you number?

If there is no reason to ask for your number then I think you the right thing in stepping back and pointing out its inappropriate.

I’m hopeless at anything useful like that! Her dad’s far better. She was pretty clingy for most of the night, her boyfriend was there and he agreed. I think that’s made me ponder it more.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:10

DinaofCloud9 · 13/10/2025 21:03

You don't have to give her your number but why did you tell her it's inappropriate?

I should have handled it better, I just don’t think it’s right.

OP posts:
OrangeAxolotyl · 13/10/2025 22:10

Just apologise about your manners, but say you're old enough to be her dad, in fact her dad is your friend so you were a bit thrown.

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:08

Thanks all, I think you’ve reinforced what I was thinking. I’ve been a right lemon and god knows what I’ll say next time I’ll see her. I’ll also answer some questions for the context. That said I’m not sure her dad would be happy with us being in touch out of group chats and I’m not sure I’d be happy if one of my mates suddenly started messaging my daughter.

OP posts:
FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 13/10/2025 21:37

Your reaction to her asking for your number isn't a good look.
Nothing about it was inappropriate unless you missed the bit where she asked for it in a 'coquettish' way...
Why did you feel the need to embarrass her by suggesting otherwise?

ExcitingRicotta · 13/10/2025 21:36

You’re describing what sounds like a family friend asking for your number. Without any other context your response comes across as rude and cold.

Cherrysoup · 13/10/2025 21:36

Back in the day, I had a friend, horse related, we shared a horse between us. She had 2 dc, I’d occasionally babysit her dd (she didn’t leave her autistic ds, fair enough, her choice). She then died. Her dd, now grown up, to pursue a friendship which was a little odd. I didn’t want this, I was her mum’s friend, not hers. I completely empathise, OP.

Skippydoodle · 13/10/2025 21:36

I think your reaction is very odd.

EmeraldRoulette · 13/10/2025 21:36

@BauhausOfEliott no he wasn't. I agree that would've been weird.

OP still hasn't come back to explain the missing bit that should've been in the first post! It may have been an innocent friendly request. But people are so worried about age gaps now, that's what I got from it.

YankSplaining · 13/10/2025 21:33

Whether she was asking for romantic reasons or other reasons, you responded in a way that, to her, will read like you were trying to shame her. You acted like she was somehow wrong or weird or unsavory to have asked, and from what you’ve told us here, I don’t see anything indicating that she was. You didn’t have to give her your number. But there were ways to handle this other than acting like she’d committed some social faux pas or done something creepy.

purpleme12 · 13/10/2025 21:30

I presumed OP was a man and so he was thinking she was interested romantically or something

BauhausOfEliott · 13/10/2025 21:28

EmeraldRoulette · 13/10/2025 21:10

Are you saying that somebody less than half your age asked for your number for dating reasons?

I'm not the person to ask because my last boyfriend was young, so obviously I'm fine with it 😂

I’m guessing the younger man you dated wasn’t your best mate’s son, though? I think that, not the age difference, is the root of the OP’s discomfort here.

I dated a man 20 years older than me when I was 22-24, so I have no qualms about age gaps, but I certainly wouldn’t have dated him if he’d been a friend of my dad’s!

BauhausOfEliott · 13/10/2025 21:24

Is the problem that you’re a man (or a woman who dates women) and felt uncomfortable with giving your number out to your friend’s daughter because of the potential for her to get the wrong idea or for her dad to think there was something going on?

Totally understandable that you’d decline to give her your number if that’s the case - and totally understandable that you’d feel uncomfortable with the whole idea. Telling her it was ‘inappropriate’ was a bit OTT - it’s not like she’s harassing you by asking. I think a breezy ‘Oh, you don’t need my number - you can always contact me through your dad if you need to’ would have been more tactful.

What exactly do you mean when you say ‘She’s had issues in the past’? What sort of ‘issues’?!

Bestwishes23 · 13/10/2025 21:18

What's the missing context, OP?

Illberidingshotgun · 13/10/2025 21:13

Did you feel she was flirting with you, is that what made you feel uncomfortable? How much contact have you had previously?

Anxietybummer · 13/10/2025 21:12

She was being friendly and probably asked as a way to stay in touch. By saying it’s inappropriate you’ve basically suggested she’s got inappropriate intentions… which is a bit rude and bloody awkward. You don’t have to share your number if you don’t want too, but I really don’t know why you’d make a comment like that.

EmeraldRoulette · 13/10/2025 21:10

Are you saying that somebody less than half your age asked for your number for dating reasons?

I'm not the person to ask because my last boyfriend was young, so obviously I'm fine with it 😂