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Original poster

Was I wrong to say it’s inappropriate for her to ask for my number?

214 replies

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 21:01

I was at a wedding today and the drink flowed a little.

The daughter of along time friend asked me for my number. I’ve known her for years and she hasn’t asked me before. She’s 23 and I’m 49. I said no and told her it’s inappropriate as she can ask her dad how I’m doing or to arrange a group meet up. Not sure why else she would want my number.

The thing is I think I’ve upset her by suggesting something that I don’t think she meant. She’s had issues in the past and I didn’t mean her any upset.

Did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
HarrisonsHair · 13/10/2025 23:00

I think you did the right thing. How many women on here would be happy with their 49 year old husband getting the number of a much younger attractive woman???
I wouldn't take the number of a much younger man either, why would I?

NoTouch · 13/10/2025 23:00

Trust your instincts. It didn’t feel right so fine to say no, you could have been more diplomatic with your reply but I suspect she’ll get over it.

OrangeAxolotyl · 13/10/2025 22:59

You're married?! Ok. Not good... were you actually considering cheating?
Maybe @FairKoala is right. It could be any number of things.

Wainscot · 13/10/2025 22:58

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:46

To message me about things I guess. Not sure why and I think she should be asking her dad. I think messages between us with no no else involved could be misconstrued

Show quote history

By whom? Are you one of those people who thinks men and women can’t be friends, even if there’s no sexual attraction and you’re older than her dad??

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:56

FairKoala · 13/10/2025 22:43

Maybe she wanted your number as she was organising a surprise party for her dad.

Maybe she wants to approach you about getting information about the company you work for and needs to know who to approach about a job there or working in the industry

There are a million and one reasons why she might want your number without it being about her coming on to you.

She is probably horrified that she gave that impression
I can’t understand why you would think it inappropriate. You are treating her like a child and she is a grown woman who was asking you directly for something and you said she needed to ask her father

The only inappropriate person here is you.

That’s what I’m thinking now and I feel awful. It’s a sad world these days. I guess I didn’t want to feel inappropriate by giving her my number.

OP posts:
FireBreathingDragon · 13/10/2025 22:55

I don’t think you did anything wrong. I think you behaved like a good husband and friend by not overstepping any boundaries with a girl less than half your age.

Was she tipsy? Booze can make people over friendly and do and say some things you’d never consider when sober.

I wouldn’t message her and apologise. Unless someone brings it up I’d try and forget about it. She asked for your number and you said no. End of.

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:52

Ineedanewsofa · 13/10/2025 22:27

If her Dad’s the same age as you she could be trying to plan a surprise 50th…to which you will now probably not be invited!

Oh god! 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:50

OrangeAxolotyl · 13/10/2025 22:25

So - correct me if I'm wrong... you're not a particularly attractive middle aged man. At a wedding, people were a bit drunk, and your friend's attractive daughter - far too young for you - asked for your number. You were a bit harsh. Right?
What do you want to happen now?

I think I need to apologise and ask her dad and my wife if it’s ok to send/reply to messages from her

OP posts:
Whentosayitsover · 13/10/2025 22:48

Actually. I think you have done the right thing. The fact you’re male makes a big difference. You’ve been clear and what you’ve said can’t be misninterpreted. You can’t be accused of leading her on if anything were to crop up in future. It would be inappropriate for you to be in touch with her outside of the group unless you had a common interest/hobby or other already established relationship. She may not have liked hearing it but it needed to be said

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:46

reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 13/10/2025 22:25

But why do you think she wanted your number?

To message me about things I guess. Not sure why and I think she should be asking her dad. I think messages between us with no no else involved could be misconstrued

OP posts:
NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 13/10/2025 22:46

Another one here who can’t figure out why it’s inappropriate. Slightly odd, at worst.

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:43

reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 13/10/2025 22:25

But why do you think she wanted your number?

I have no idea, she doesn’t need it for anything.

OP posts:
FairKoala · 13/10/2025 22:43

Maybe she wanted your number as she was organising a surprise party for her dad.

Maybe she wants to approach you about getting information about the company you work for and needs to know who to approach about a job there or working in the industry

There are a million and one reasons why she might want your number without it being about her coming on to you.

She is probably horrified that she gave that impression
I can’t understand why you would think it inappropriate. You are treating her like a child and she is a grown woman who was asking you directly for something and you said she needed to ask her father

The only inappropriate person here is you.

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:41

BauhausOfEliott · 13/10/2025 21:24

Is the problem that you’re a man (or a woman who dates women) and felt uncomfortable with giving your number out to your friend’s daughter because of the potential for her to get the wrong idea or for her dad to think there was something going on?

Totally understandable that you’d decline to give her your number if that’s the case - and totally understandable that you’d feel uncomfortable with the whole idea. Telling her it was ‘inappropriate’ was a bit OTT - it’s not like she’s harassing you by asking. I think a breezy ‘Oh, you don’t need my number - you can always contact me through your dad if you need to’ would have been more tactful.

What exactly do you mean when you say ‘She’s had issues in the past’? What sort of ‘issues’?!

I think that’s kind of it. However there is no way she wants anything more than friendship. I just think it’s inappropriate for her dad, mum and my wife

OP posts:
Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:38

Illberidingshotgun · 13/10/2025 21:13

Did you feel she was flirting with you, is that what made you feel uncomfortable? How much contact have you had previously?

Not at all, just really friendly. Just huggy and clingy. No more contact than before

OP posts:
Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:36

DiscoBob · 13/10/2025 21:09

It's deeply bizarre for you to call it 'inappropriate' unless something terrible to do with court cases or something to do with families not being allowed to speak for safeguarding reasons?

If not you should've just probably used another reason not to give it. Why not just say, I'll take your number? Is there a strong reason why you don't want her to have it?

No problems like that at all.

OP posts:
OrangeAxolotyl · 13/10/2025 22:35

QueenClinomania · 13/10/2025 22:33

Its highly unlikely a 23 yr old young woman was hitting on you at an event she was attending with her boyfriend, if thats what youre thinking. To her youre an old bloke that's friends with her dad.

You dont need to be analysing it

Edited

Oh yes, I forgot the boyfriend was there. Unlikely, then.

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:35

Lilyhatesjaz · 13/10/2025 21:08

Are you a man? I think that makes a difference in this case as you wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable speaking separately to your friends daughter.

Yes I’m a man and yes that’s what felt. I get it, he shouldn’t be a problem and I should have respected her wishes more. Hit on the head for me!

OP posts:
QueenClinomania · 13/10/2025 22:33

Its highly unlikely a 23 yr old young woman was hitting on you at an event she was attending with her boyfriend, if thats what youre thinking. To her youre an old bloke that's friends with her dad.

You dont need to be analysing it

OrangeAxolotyl · 13/10/2025 22:31

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:28

So am I after reading the replies. Is it ok for a 49 male to be in contact out of group chat with a young woman ?

Show quote history

Well, are you both single? If you're consenting adults, theoretically not a problem, but she's the daughter of a friend and there's a huge age gap.
Maybe problematic?
Your choice. If that's what she wants.

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:29

JulietSierra · 13/10/2025 21:05

I don’t understand why you told her she was being inappropriate? Of course you’re well within your rights to decide who you give your number to but why was it inappropriate for her to ask??

Because I’m 49, she’s 23 and has no reason to be in contact with me

OP posts:
Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:28

OrangeAxolotyl · 13/10/2025 22:21

So.... what exactly do you feel that the problem is? I'm struggling to work out what's actually happened here.

Show quote history

So am I after reading the replies. Is it ok for a 49 male to be in contact out of group chat with a young woman ?

OP posts:
Ineedanewsofa · 13/10/2025 22:27

If her Dad’s the same age as you she could be trying to plan a surprise 50th…to which you will now probably not be invited!

renthead · 13/10/2025 22:27

Are you a man?

QueenClinomania · 13/10/2025 22:26

Look, it felt uncomfortable to you and so you did the right thing for yourself, based on how you felt

Don't overthink it.

And dont go back now. Move on.