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Original poster

Was I wrong to say it’s inappropriate for her to ask for my number?

214 replies

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 21:01

I was at a wedding today and the drink flowed a little.

The daughter of along time friend asked me for my number. I’ve known her for years and she hasn’t asked me before. She’s 23 and I’m 49. I said no and told her it’s inappropriate as she can ask her dad how I’m doing or to arrange a group meet up. Not sure why else she would want my number.

The thing is I think I’ve upset her by suggesting something that I don’t think she meant. She’s had issues in the past and I didn’t mean her any upset.

Did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 14/10/2025 00:04

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/10/2025 23:54

Strange, so she has access to your number?

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Is that possible? I didn’t know that was a thing to do.

OP posts:
KWaldron · 14/10/2025 00:00

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 21:01

I was at a wedding today and the drink flowed a little.

The daughter of along time friend asked me for my number. I’ve known her for years and she hasn’t asked me before. She’s 23 and I’m 49. I said no and told her it’s inappropriate as she can ask her dad how I’m doing or to arrange a group meet up. Not sure why else she would want my number.

The thing is I think I’ve upset her by suggesting something that I don’t think she meant. She’s had issues in the past and I didn’t mean her any upset.

Did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

Why didn't you start your OP by stating that you're a man? You've confused a lot of people who assume you're female.

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 23:58

Lobas · 13/10/2025 23:37

A non interaction involving a young woman being dissected on a message board. Am I the only one who can see this post for what it is??

Probably getting off to these comments let’s be honest.

Sorry you feel that way. I’m up later than expected and genuinely asking. I’ve interacted more than I thought tonight to get opinions, sorry if you feel that way. I’m reading and taking all views in and hoping to learn

OP posts:
NOTTHEHOUSEPLANT · 13/10/2025 23:56

Why would it be inappropriate to ask?

Fair enough, don’t give it out but what’s wrong with asking for it?

outerspacepotato · 13/10/2025 23:55

I'm going against the flow but you were clear with her. You said she had been clingy and you're married and there's no reason to encourage her by giving her your number.

She wanted to text you outside a group and you felt that was inappropriate and said so. There's no problem with that. Maybe she'll think next time before she gets clingy with a married man and wants to start texting him.

If she wanted to add you to a group chat thing, she could have asked her dad to add you.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/10/2025 23:54

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 23:53

Yes

Show quote history

Strange, so she has access to your number?

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 23:53

ZXZXZ6789 · 13/10/2025 23:22

YANBU - you were sensible to refuse.

When you talk about "group chats" are you on one with her as well as other people?

Yes

OP posts:
Glowingup · 13/10/2025 23:51

Lobas · 13/10/2025 23:21

It’s a man who has made quite possibly an innocuous interaction, sexual. It’s not inappropriate just because you are an older male and she is a female. There could be any reason she wanted your number.

lol. Some people are unreal. He does the responsible thing and doesn’t take the number of a drunk young woman who could be his daughter in age and is hugging him (so she is the one who is coming on to him) and suddenly he is the creep. Of course it’s not innocuous to get shitfaced, hug your dad’s mate and ask for his number, whether or not your boyfriend is there.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/10/2025 23:50

Lobas · 13/10/2025 23:38

I’m sorry but this is a sad man living out a fantasy and you are all falling for it 😂. I’m sure most men are wrecking their brains with guilt at midnight over non interactions at weddings.

Edited

Oops

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 23:48

Lobas · 13/10/2025 23:21

It’s a man who has made quite possibly an innocuous interaction, sexual. It’s not inappropriate just because you are an older male and she is a female. There could be any reason she wanted your number.

Interesting, and tbh you could be right. I could be totally wrong and tbh I think might have and that’s why I’ve called myself a lemon on this thread and I’m horrified. God knows what I’m going to say to someone I care about deeply and might of really pissed off. That’s what I’m asking for advice!

OP posts:
Lobas · 13/10/2025 23:38

I’m sorry but this is a sad man living out a fantasy and you are all falling for it 😂. I’m sure most men are wrecking their brains with guilt at midnight over non interactions at weddings.

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 23:38

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 23:21

Why would I be considering cheating? Wtf, I’d have just taken her number!

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Hope I caught a few with this as that comment was bonkers! She’s old enough to be my daughter and one of my best mates actual daughter. What goes on in world of thought/life ?

OP posts:
Franpie · 13/10/2025 23:37

Definitely did the right thing. If she had been asking as she was planning a party for her dad (as a PP suggested) the she would have replied “steady on Steve, I just need it to add you to the party WhatsApp group!”

Lobas · 13/10/2025 23:37

A non interaction involving a young woman being dissected on a message board. Am I the only one who can see this post for what it is??

Probably getting off to these comments let’s be honest.

Ilovemychocolate · 13/10/2025 23:36

IridiumSky · 13/10/2025 23:28

So a ‘very attractive’ lady, much younger than you, asked for your number for unspecified reasons.

It would have been, as you correctly identified, completely wrong to comply. The correct response would have been to give her my number instead. (I’m also an older man.)

😀

FFS!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/10/2025 23:34

AutumnCosy2025 · 13/10/2025 23:29

Given you don't know why she wanted it, you don't know she doesn't need it for anything.

Telling her it was inappropriate wasn't nice.

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I think it would be very inappropriate for one of DH's friends to give DD his number, even if she asked, especially if she was drunk when she asked.
I'd be interested in her reasons for suddenly needing her Father's, married friends mobile number.

GreyCarpet · 13/10/2025 23:34

Lobas · 13/10/2025 23:29

He’s clearly flattered that a drunk, pretty woman gave him even a second of attention. He’s reliving it on here for us all to help eke out the encounter.

Edited
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He probably is. Maybe that's why it felt inappropriate. He still did the right thing by not giving it to her.

GreyCarpet · 13/10/2025 23:31

Lobas · 13/10/2025 23:28

I’m not saying it’s wrong to set boundaries or to choose not to share your number, that’s perfectly fine. But what I’m pointing out is that by saying he turned her down because it would be inappropriate, he’s already implying that her interest in having his number was sexual or romantic in nature.

That’s an assumption and it’s not a neutral one. It frames the young woman’s intentions as potentially inappropriate, even though she might have had completely platonic or practical reasons for wanting to get in touch. She could be networking, asking for advice or just trying to be friendly. But instead, her request was interpreted through a sexualised lens. That’s icky to me.

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Not necessarily.

I'd feel it was inappropriate too if one of my friend's 23 year old sons asked for my number and I wouldn't give it to them. I'm 51.

I wouldn't assume it was sexual though.

Lobas · 13/10/2025 23:29

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 23:26

I’m one of those people that considers others feelings and thinks others might think this way. I’d love to go out clubbing with this young lady even at my age. Not sure others would think it’s ok!

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He’s clearly flattered that a drunk, pretty woman gave him even a second of attention. He’s reliving it on here for us all to help eke out the encounter.

AutumnCosy2025 · 13/10/2025 23:29

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:43

I have no idea, she doesn’t need it for anything.

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Given you don't know why she wanted it, you don't know she doesn't need it for anything.

Telling her it was inappropriate wasn't nice.

IridiumSky · 13/10/2025 23:28

So a ‘very attractive’ lady, much younger than you, asked for your number for unspecified reasons.

It would have been, as you correctly identified, completely wrong to comply. The correct response would have been to give her my number instead. (I’m also an older man.)

😀

Strictlycomeparent · 13/10/2025 23:28

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:29

Because I’m 49, she’s 23 and has no reason to be in contact with me

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I think people have responded thinking you were a woman. I think you’re probably right, but handled it a bit clumsily. I’d probably say something like “oh you don’t need my number, I’m rubbish at checking messages anyway. You can just get in touch via your dad” and change the subject. I wouldn’t explicitly say it’s inappropriate.

Lobas · 13/10/2025 23:28

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/10/2025 23:22

He hasn't made it sexual, it can be an inappropriate transaction without being sexual.

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I’m not saying it’s wrong to set boundaries or to choose not to share your number, that’s perfectly fine. But what I’m pointing out is that by saying he turned her down because it would be inappropriate, he’s already implying that her interest in having his number was sexual or romantic in nature.

That’s an assumption and it’s not a neutral one. It frames the young woman’s intentions as potentially inappropriate, even though she might have had completely platonic or practical reasons for wanting to get in touch. She could be networking, asking for advice or just trying to be friendly. But instead, her request was interpreted through a sexualised lens. That’s icky to me.

GreyCarpet · 13/10/2025 23:27

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 23:21

Why would I be considering cheating? Wtf, I’d have just taken her number!

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There are some posters on here who really struggle with the idea that men can be decent people.

Their brains literally won't allow it.

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 23:27

wrongthinker · 13/10/2025 23:17

You did the right thing. Of course it would be inappropriate for you to start up a private messaging conversation with your mate's daughter. She could have asked for your wife's number instead (or you could have offered it).

You can bet if your wife posted on here saying her husband had given his number to a 23 year old woman, everyone would be saying how inappropriate that was! So you did the right thing.

Thanks

OP posts: