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Original poster

Was I wrong to say it’s inappropriate for her to ask for my number?

214 replies

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 21:01

I was at a wedding today and the drink flowed a little.

The daughter of along time friend asked me for my number. I’ve known her for years and she hasn’t asked me before. She’s 23 and I’m 49. I said no and told her it’s inappropriate as she can ask her dad how I’m doing or to arrange a group meet up. Not sure why else she would want my number.

The thing is I think I’ve upset her by suggesting something that I don’t think she meant. She’s had issues in the past and I didn’t mean her any upset.

Did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
Daygloboo · 14/10/2025 00:46

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/10/2025 00:38

Got about halfway through the thread and its killed me!

The reactions are hilarious.

Imagine the reactions if it was "My husbands mate (49) asked for my DD's (23) number" or "We went to a wedding and now my husband and his best mates DD are texting" or "DH's Best Friends DD asked my husband for his number and he happily handed it over"

In every single one of the above there would have been all sorts of accusations....creep, predator, dirty old man and cheat being the least of them!

@Ishoulddomore You did the right thing. Sometimes to-the-point is the way to go.

Agree

Athreedoorwardrobe · 14/10/2025 00:44

I think you handled this badly. Shes only young and was probably genuinely being friendly. You did not need to tell her it was 'inappropriate' as that's quite hurtful. You could have just said 'oh I don't really give out my number sorry, but I'm on the group chats' kept it casual and non judgemental.
You've essentially called her wierd or acted like she was flirting with you.. and that's sad. Often people in their early 20s are just very friendly. They haven't learnt to be cautious and stand offish yet. They think anyone they've been enjoying the company of could be a friend.
I think you could have handled this more diplomatically.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 14/10/2025 00:41

Lobas · 14/10/2025 00:33

The fact that so many posters have no level of discernment at all is very disturbing

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Or maybe your level is extreme.

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 14/10/2025 00:40

Cantremembermymafsname · 14/10/2025 00:29

It shows that this is made up so you could get some interaction with women on here. These types of men on mumsnet. 🤮

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a man that’s want a woman’s opinion is all all I am. Sorry, I didn’t mean anything else.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 14/10/2025 00:38

Got about halfway through the thread and its killed me!

The reactions are hilarious.

Imagine the reactions if it was "My husbands mate (49) asked for my DD's (23) number" or "We went to a wedding and now my husband and his best mates DD are texting" or "DH's Best Friends DD asked my husband for his number and he happily handed it over"

In every single one of the above there would have been all sorts of accusations....creep, predator, dirty old man and cheat being the least of them!

@Ishoulddomore You did the right thing. Sometimes to-the-point is the way to go.

Daygloboo · 14/10/2025 00:37

FairKoala · 13/10/2025 22:43

Maybe she wanted your number as she was organising a surprise party for her dad.

Maybe she wants to approach you about getting information about the company you work for and needs to know who to approach about a job there or working in the industry

There are a million and one reasons why she might want your number without it being about her coming on to you.

She is probably horrified that she gave that impression
I can’t understand why you would think it inappropriate. You are treating her like a child and she is a grown woman who was asking you directly for something and you said she needed to ask her father

The only inappropriate person here is you.

Rubbish

Daygloboo · 14/10/2025 00:35

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:10

I should have handled it better, I just don’t think it’s right.

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I'm.assuming you are a man... You said drink flowed so the suggestion is she was coming on to you??? I thinkmtoubdid the right think. I t id awkward and not approoriate. It will blow iver. Don't worry sbout it.

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 14/10/2025 00:35

Lobas · 14/10/2025 00:08

Cause this whole thing is made up. What saddo cares this much about something so minuscule. If my dad starred this thread and engaged with it so much I’d be appalled. Poor op twisting himself in knots!

Edited
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Ok, I’ll engage. Well done. I’m an idiot, that makes things up and I’m a saddo, I’m also so stupid to quote this post so more people see it. I’m also in a knot that I can’t get out of…. Help. I care about this minuscule thing that has affected not only me but someone else I care about. What’s wrong with you?

OP posts:
Lobas · 14/10/2025 00:33

Cantremembermymafsname · 14/10/2025 00:29

It shows that this is made up so you could get some interaction with women on here. These types of men on mumsnet. 🤮

Show quote history

The fact that so many posters have no level of discernment at all is very disturbing

Joliefolie · 14/10/2025 00:32

"I was also told when I was young that drunk people become who they actually are when they drink". Really? Why have you posted this? You are a middle-aged man. Why does it matter what nonsense you were told about drinking when you were young? Get real. When you are drunk you do not become who you actually are. And if you did, who she 'really was' in that moment was a vulnerable young person feeling insecure in their relationship with their boyfriend or dad or whatever.. it's got nothing to do with you. There is no big deal here. Young drunk person suggests something that you think could be interpreted as inappropriate. You quite rightly point that out... you could have just left it there, taken the win... and you still can! She likely won't even remember it. You are the one now creating the drama, as if you were the 23 year-old drunk person. Stop it. Move on.

Cantremembermymafsname · 14/10/2025 00:29

Ishoulddomore · 14/10/2025 00:11

If that’s I thing then it’s even more weird

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It shows that this is made up so you could get some interaction with women on here. These types of men on mumsnet. 🤮

MsAmerica · 14/10/2025 00:22

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 21:01

I was at a wedding today and the drink flowed a little.

The daughter of along time friend asked me for my number. I’ve known her for years and she hasn’t asked me before. She’s 23 and I’m 49. I said no and told her it’s inappropriate as she can ask her dad how I’m doing or to arrange a group meet up. Not sure why else she would want my number.

The thing is I think I’ve upset her by suggesting something that I don’t think she meant. She’s had issues in the past and I didn’t mean her any upset.

Did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

Seems rude of you. Why didn't you just ask her why, after all these years?

Why do you imagine it would be "inappropriate" to ask a family friend for her number?

Negroany · 14/10/2025 00:22

Ishoulddomore · 14/10/2025 00:11

If that’s I thing then it’s even more weird

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On WhatsApp yes, on Messenger, no. Other apps exist, some use numbers, some don't.

I think you should have taken her number but then just never used it. I would not have been impressed by the hugging if I was your wife.

Glowingup · 14/10/2025 00:21

Joliefolie · 14/10/2025 00:14

She was drunk. You are the grown up. Just let it go.

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She is also a grown up at 23.

Francestein · 14/10/2025 00:19

If she made you uncomfortable, then I think you were quite right to establish your boundary this way. It leaves no room for misinterpretation. Good for you.

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 14/10/2025 00:18

Joliefolie · 14/10/2025 00:14

She was drunk. You are the grown up. Just let it go.

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I get that. I just don’t know what to say the next time I see her. I feel awful for being a grown up and not handling it better

OP posts:
Joliefolie · 14/10/2025 00:14

Ishoulddomore · 14/10/2025 00:11

If that’s I thing then it’s even more weird

Show quote history

She was drunk. You are the grown up. Just let it go.

TeaRoseTallulah · 14/10/2025 00:13

I think you did the right thing OP. It would be inappropriate for my dh to take the number of one of our friend's daughter unless there was a specific reason to do so such as organising something like a birthday.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 14/10/2025 00:13

Are you married OP? Becuase if I was your wife I would think it was highly inappropriate.

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 14/10/2025 00:11

ZXZXZ6789 · 14/10/2025 00:06

Then why does she need to ask for your number?

The chat will have your number listed 🤔

Show quote history

If that’s I thing then it’s even more weird

OP posts:
Joliefolie · 14/10/2025 00:09

You are 49 years old. Come on. Drinks were flowing. You know what that means. You do not think about or mention this ever again. It means nothing, do not make a drama out of nothing. Sober up, move on, and don't create any unecessary drama. Do not mention it, stop thinking about it, move on.

Lobas · 14/10/2025 00:08

ZXZXZ6789 · 14/10/2025 00:06

Then why does she need to ask for your number?

The chat will have your number listed 🤔

Show quote history

Cause this whole thing is made up. What saddo cares this much about something so minuscule. If my dad starred this thread and engaged with it so much I’d be appalled. Poor op twisting himself in knots!

CuddlyPug · 14/10/2025 00:07

Given the context, I think you did exactly the right thing. If she had wanted your number for say finding out about job prospects or something innocuous she would have prefaced the request with that. As a 49 year old man, I think people would have been pretty suspicious about why you were chatting to a clingy 23 year old with a boyfriend.

ZXZXZ6789 · 14/10/2025 00:06

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 23:53

Yes

Show quote history

Then why does she need to ask for your number?

The chat will have your number listed 🤔

Original poster
Ishoulddomore · 14/10/2025 00:04

KWaldron · 14/10/2025 00:00

Why didn't you start your OP by stating that you're a man? You've confused a lot of people who assume you're female.

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Does it matter?

OP posts: