Was I wrong to say it’s inappropriate for her to ask for my number?

OP You did nothing wrong. I cannot believe some of the comments in this thread. It was inappropriate and if the husbands of the posters on here were taking the numbers of young girls it would be a very different story, especially as there was no reason to text.

Sadly it’s also a risk in this day and age and anyone should be allowed to say no in this situation.

Be nice - this thread screams of man haters! 🫣

Yeah his reaction is the mortifying bit here, not getting drunk, hugging your dads mate repeatedly and then asking him for his number, just to be politely rebuffed.
Edited to add, his married mate.

How many women on here would be fine with your husbands giving their number to their friends’ 23 year old daughter after she got drunk and clingy? I’m guessing very few indeed and you’d be expecting him to act exactly like the OP did by telling her it was inappropriate.

Tbh the woman will prpbably not want to message him about anything anymore anyways after this Victorian fiasco.

I do find it very odd a grown woman is being seen as needing to be communicated with via her parents, because at the age of 23 she cant possibly be receiving direct messages and you need her father's permission. What is this, 1850?

The poor Women is probably mortified by your reaction.

I thought I was in a parallel universe!

how patronising that people are telling the OP "you're the grown up". This woman has been a legal adult for 5 years not 5 minutes!

but anyway, this thread is all about the OP coming on here wanting a medal because he's "done the right thing" and told the woman off for being inappropriate when he could have given his number. Well whooped-do to you.

are you female ? Sorry I can’t keep up with this ?

What a shame. She is an adult, you know, and maybe she had some strange idea you could be friends. I have friends of all ages, some half my age, some twenty years older.

If she enjoyed chatting to you, she would have liked to continue WhatsApping or something. People in their twenties and thirties make connections this way; it is normal. You sound uptight and need to get with the times. :)

I am sixty (female) and have friends who are late twenties and thirties, and some who are 80-90. Those in their twenties and thirties are often the most proactive to ask for my details and turn out to be very sincere. We support one another. You know, like friends do.

PS, I had not read that you are married when I posted the above. But I still would not make her feel awkward or discuss it with her dad as she is a grown woman! I do not think it is appropriate for discussions with parents when someone is a woman, not a child.

As a married man, I'd just chuckle and say, 'I'd love to but my wife wouldn't like it!' and make a joke of it.

Eh? I can't see that you've done anything wrong.

It is inappropriate for you to message your friend's attractive young daughter separately. I'd not want one of my husband's middle aged friends messaging my daughter.

She probably didn't mean anything by it, but 23 year olds often don't realise the vast potential for middle aged men to get the wrong end of the stick. Now she gets it, but not through the unpleasant experience of realising someone is getting off on her messaging with them.

You've dealt with it fine, I'd just act perfectly normally next time you see her. Get things back on track.

23 isn’t a grown up now?

If you had asked for her number you would have been shredded here. If you had given her your number and the potential problems you are concerned about happened you would have been shredded and told you were stupiid.

It might have been more diplomatic to say she doesn’t need your number, to contact you via her father but it boils down to the same thing you just haven’t used the actual word inappropriate. People’s reluctance to say what they mean causes way more problems than honesty spoken gently. And if she really is so naive she doesn’t see how wanting your phone number might look she really does need it spelled out to her

I think you're getting a hard time in here and actually have behaved really well. We often see on here tales of men lusting after young women, but you in this case see that this is innapropriate and rather odd. You say she was clingy with you, had issues before and youre not that close. I think you picked on something that isn't right and actually she put you in an awkward position. I wouldn't be apologising profusely or asking permission from her parents speak her. Go with your gut. Speak to the dad but just explain you are sorry she is upset but you felt uncomfortable. It's a bit odd for her to ask.

It was a bit odd of her to ask as it is a bit inappropriate. You are married and she doesn’t sound like she quite understands social nuances. I think you have saved yourself a lot of potential hassle. It is better to slightly upset her than upset your friend and your wife.

I actually don't think it was wrong for you to say she was being inappropriate, you could apologise for embarrassing her next time you see her, but I think you put up a firm and natural boundary. If my daughter asked my male friend for his number I'd hope that he would say the same.

You say you’re in a group chat with her, what platform is this on? She could easily just contact you privately via that (WhatsApp for example you can see all group members contact details and message then separately, messenger you can click in individual participants and contact them privately, Instagram the same. Which platform are you already on a chat with her and family? If she were hoping to do something like plan a party for her dad she could have already messaged you privately if she wanted to.

Well I suppose that's fair enough if your DH has dodgy friends or a DD that's likely to want to shag one of her Dads mates. Not the kind of people in my life 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have the phone numbers of several of my friends' kids, but we're close enough that we sometimes meet up for coffee -they live nearer to me than their parents do, and in one case the parents are dead. They feel more like nieces and nephews. I would never ask for numbers of other friends' kids, but I give it if they ask.

So, during the evening, you and her boyfriend had discussions about her clinging to you?

Ok, I am going to assume that this is a genuine post, Op, and if it is then I can see how you might have been somewhat disconcerted by her request, realise now that you overreactedand want to save the situation.

It seems like your reaction was based on the assumption that if you did give her your number then friends and family might take it as an indication of some emotional or physical infidelity on your part.

Also, it seems like you considered that this might even have been her intention and now you feel embarrassed and concerned that you might have been wrong/unkind.

Yes, I think you might be a bit lacking in imagination here. She might not need your practical help but she might have been seeking your (specifically male?) opinion/advice about something that she doesn't want to discuss with family.. Maybe something to do with her boboyfriend Or maybe she has a work dilemma.

In any case, I think that the best thing you can do is to ask your wife to invite her over for dinner/out for coffee with the two of you so that you can apologise for your unhelpful knee jerk reaction the other night and ask sincerely if there is anything that you and/or your wife can help her with.

You sound like a kind and thoughtful man. I hope that you and your wife can resolve this. All the best.

Look, a lot of 23 year olds (certainly not all, of course) are a bit socially immature (remember how old they were and what life positions they were in when the multiple lockdowns kicked in). The worst case scenario is your friend's daughter thinks you were a bit of a creep for misinterpreting her. Either way, you did the right thing as you said drinks flowed and she was being strange and clingy. You are the middle-aged adult who knows not to make a fuss out of nothing. Just move on. The only reason to make a fuss out of this is because actually you quite enjoying the idea that a young person that you've known for years, and have described as very attractive, got drunk and overly clingy after one too many glasses of fizz at a wedding.

Originally voted that YABU but having read the thread, I think you did the right thing.

Perhaps it could have been handled differently as you identified yourself but I can see why it would feel uncomfortable exchanging numbers given that the circumstances. I definitely think if a wife came on here saying her husband had exchanged numbers with their friends much younger daughter the majority would be suggesting it was for nefarious reasons.

It is nice you are concerned about it but I think you are over thinking it at this point. The drink was flowing, possibly she's forgotten about it or if not she may feel as embarrassed as you and best off nothing being said!

IMHO no big deal.

“Pissed woman clings to old family friend (for drunken support) and asks for their number.

Family friend says it wouldn’t be appropriate. Bit patronising and perhaps introduces imagined sexual frisson. But fine, because that’s how he felt.”

The End.

Also, I think you are quite right to assume that her dad would find it creepy if you were to dialogue with her in any way other than socially with him. I can’t believe that people are saying you were wrong. The likelihood is that you would be labeled a creepy old predator if you did give her your number.

Really bizarre to post this as gender neutral on a women’s site where most posters are women. This scenario is quite different when the parents friend is a man vs a woman. I voted yabu but now I see the op is a man I understand their reservations, it’s not like a natural friendship has grown up and best to fob a request like this off when they are tipsy. You should have said ask your dad/mum for my number when you’re sober fi there’s something you want to talk about, I don’t give my number to women who are tipsy. It’s a hard rule sorry.