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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave?

42 replies

KiKiStartsOver · 13/10/2025 20:42

My partner of almost six years is not someone I want to spend my life with anymore. We have a toddler. Please tell me things will get better when I leave and I won’t be ruining her life.

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Original poster
KiKiStartsOver · 13/10/2025 21:25

I need a deposit and credit score to pay for a home for me and my child. I earn too much to receive benefits I think. But not enough to cover all the household bills and nursery alone.

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Original poster
KiKiStartsOver · 13/10/2025 21:24

I can accept now that he’s abusive. I’ve been in denial about it for a long time.

I feel so trapped and I don’t see how I am going to get out of this. I know my rights, I know I can call the police next time he kicks off and he’d be on bail from the house. But then he’d stop paying anything and it’d be repossessed and destroy my credit rating. I can’t see how I can get out without losing my investment and my future.

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CherrieTomaties · 13/10/2025 21:21

This is no way to live. Please seek legal advice.

Original poster
KiKiStartsOver · 13/10/2025 21:21

I wish he would just disappear. I know he’d make my life hell for as long as he possibly could.

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Original poster
KiKiStartsOver · 13/10/2025 21:19

The house is mostly mine (uneven shares) but he’s destroyed it, ripped up the garden and doors, ruined the paintwork. It needs a new kitchen and bathroom. I don’t have savings to make it presentable for sale and if we break up he’ll stop contributing anything and I can’t afford the mortgage alone.

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Wolfiefan · 13/10/2025 21:17

But you’re unhappy. So you need to leave. You don’t trust him so get proper legal advice.

Original poster
KiKiStartsOver · 13/10/2025 21:17

toomuchfaff · 13/10/2025 21:15

Dont leave the child with him then.

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Is it as simple as that though? He has equal rights to her. He’s on the birth certificate. He only sees his other children every other weekend so I hope he’d accept that with her too.

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Original poster
KiKiStartsOver · 13/10/2025 21:16

Wolfiefan · 13/10/2025 21:14

So you leave. Get proper legal advice. You may be able to get supervised visitation.

He hasn’t done anything really bad because I’ve always been here to stop it from happening.

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toomuchfaff · 13/10/2025 21:15

KiKiStartsOver · 13/10/2025 21:15

I don’t care if he hurts himself through drinking (if he died we’d be better off) but I am absolutely terrified he’d crash with her in the car or she’d die as a result of drunken neglect.

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Dont leave the child with him then.

Original poster
KiKiStartsOver · 13/10/2025 21:15

toomuchfaff · 13/10/2025 21:13

Its not your responsibility if he'd start drinking again, none of your concern what he'd do if you left.

Your concern is you and your children. Concentrate on you, do you have a way out

I don’t care if he hurts himself through drinking (if he died we’d be better off) but I am absolutely terrified he’d crash with her in the car or she’d die as a result of drunken neglect.

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Wolfiefan · 13/10/2025 21:14

So you leave. Get proper legal advice. You may be able to get supervised visitation.

Original poster
KiKiStartsOver · 13/10/2025 21:13

I was so stupid to believe his lies. I have given him so many second chances and he always lets me down and now I’m stuck and so is my beautiful innocent daughter.

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toomuchfaff · 13/10/2025 21:13

Its not your responsibility if he'd start drinking again, none of your concern what he'd do if you left.

Your concern is you and your children. Concentrate on you, do you have a way out

Original poster
KiKiStartsOver · 13/10/2025 21:08

She’s just too young for me to leave with him. I think he’d start drinking again if I wasn’t here (he’s a recently recovering alcoholic) and I am so afraid she’d get hurt through his neglect.

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Original poster
KiKiStartsOver · 13/10/2025 21:07

I have family support but they’re hours away. We moved here to be closer to his kids.

Safe? I don’t feel it. I don’t think he’d be stupid enough to really hurt me, but when he’s angry, he’s out of control so I can’t be sure. I don’t think he’d deliberately hurt the children.

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Wolfiefan · 13/10/2025 21:03

Your child needs to see you happy and not trapped in an unhealthy relationship. Do you have RL support? Are you safe?

Original poster
KiKiStartsOver · 13/10/2025 20:46

I am broken by his behaviour but it breaks me even more to think I’d have to spend time apart from my child. There’s no easy answer.

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