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Original poster

Would this age gap bother you?

95 replies

SoManySock · 13/10/2025 20:14

DD is 17, 18 in a couple of months. She’s in y13.
Her new boyfriend is 19 and has left school.

We don’t know him although have met him a couple of times. Keen to know more so we’ve invited him for lunch in a. Couple of weeks.

DS (20) is absolutely horrified by all this and says the age gap is too big and we should be laying down the law.

Don’t know what to think. It doesn’t seem that big a gap to me, although of course the gap between being at school and not is significant. They only see each other at weekends as live in different towns.

Am I being really slack?

OP posts:
alongtimeagoandfaraway · 14/10/2025 19:17

Oh god. My barely a year older than me brother was like this. Put him back in his box. It’s none of his business.

SpringingOn · 14/10/2025 19:17

I think it is fine. That said when I was young - a lot of 15 year olds had 19 year old+ boyfriends - and my radar is still a bit off. I am glad thinking has moved on a bit. Today's teenagers do seem to date within their year group much more.

YourPeppyAmberTraybake · 14/10/2025 19:15

Sounds normal.

JLou08 · 14/10/2025 19:15

No, it wouldn't bother me at all. Does DS know the BF? Maybe he has other reason to be against the relationship but doesn't want to share.

YerAWizardHarry · 14/10/2025 19:15

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 14/10/2025 19:09

Year 13 is upper sixth. They don't wear school uniform in 99.9% of schools.

Show quote history

In Scotland we wear school uniform until we leave at the end of sixth year 🤷🏼‍♀️ I wore a blazer and tie to school until I was 18.

coxesorangepippin · 14/10/2025 19:12

And believe me, your ds (20) isn't horrified

coxesorangepippin · 14/10/2025 19:11

He's 2 years older 😂

I thought you were gonna say he was 50 or something

The lunch is very cringe

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 14/10/2025 19:09

YerAWizardHarry · 14/10/2025 19:07

He’s left school, presumably has a job, is legally allowed to drink etc. what does he do? Pick her up in her school uniform? It’s definitely a bit weird!

Year 13 is upper sixth. They don't wear school uniform in 99.9% of schools.

Delphiniumandlupins · 14/10/2025 19:09

I guess DS doesn't want to think about his little sister having the same kind of love life (sex life) as he does, and he assumes a guy only a year younger than himself will behave as he does. It's none of his business. He is trying to insert himself into both his sister's and his mother's lives.

thecatfromneptune · 14/10/2025 19:09

No, 18 months is a perfectly fine age gap; and it isn’t up to your DS to police his sister’s relationship.

Tablesandchairs23 · 14/10/2025 19:08

18 months older. That isn't an age gap.

YerAWizardHarry · 14/10/2025 19:07

He’s left school, presumably has a job, is legally allowed to drink etc. what does he do? Pick her up in her school uniform? It’s definitely a bit weird!

Butchyrestingface · 14/10/2025 19:05

I'd be more worried about your son and his disordered thinking. Are there other signs?

bumbaloo · 14/10/2025 18:59

CurlewKate · 14/10/2025 18:50

I might be a LITTLE concerned about one at school and one not. What does he do?

But that’s often the case when one is in the final year at school

Chiseltip · 14/10/2025 18:58

SoManySock · 13/10/2025 20:14

DD is 17, 18 in a couple of months. She’s in y13.
Her new boyfriend is 19 and has left school.

We don’t know him although have met him a couple of times. Keen to know more so we’ve invited him for lunch in a. Couple of weeks.

DS (20) is absolutely horrified by all this and says the age gap is too big and we should be laying down the law.

Don’t know what to think. It doesn’t seem that big a gap to me, although of course the gap between being at school and not is significant. They only see each other at weekends as live in different towns.

Am I being really slack?

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EgregiouslyOverdressed · 14/10/2025 18:57

The age gap wouldn't bother me in the slightest. What I do wonder is whether this is an innocuous protective brother thing, or if your DS is one of a growing number of young men with very strong opinions on young women's behaviour and choices. If you suspect the latter then keep a close eye on this.

independentfriend · 14/10/2025 18:54

Does your son know or think he knows something else about the boyfriend? The age gap is a non-starter but might be the thing he feels able to talk about.

Yes, his sister is entitled to privacy for her love life but if the brother moves in social circles where he knows the boyfriend he's not unreasonable to share his knowledge.

mnahmnah · 14/10/2025 18:51

Does brother know something and is using the age gap as an excuse?

Zempy · 14/10/2025 18:50

Brother needs to butt out

CurlewKate · 14/10/2025 18:50

I might be a LITTLE concerned about one at school and one not. What does he do?

JHound · 14/10/2025 18:46

I see them as essentially the same age. I mean 17 and 19?

Come on.

choccytime · 14/10/2025 18:45

Why is your son so bothered

Nanof8 · 14/10/2025 18:25

I opened this expecting you to say there was a 10+ year gap.
Not sure why your son even cares about who your daughter goes out with.

Orpheya · 13/10/2025 20:59

I am going to tell you, hm. Real thread or a snort

Dollymylove · 13/10/2025 20:45

He's 19 not 29 FFS. Why is there so much hysteria about "age gaps" these days? At 18 I had a boyfriend of 25, nobody commented or even cared. I was an adult and free to date who I wished. An old friend of mine age early 20s had a boyfriend 20 years older. I never really understood what she saw in him but 25 years on they are still together so they must have a good relationship and its bugger all to do with anyone else