I’m so angry at DH

Not sure why people are saying kick him out or divorce him. I'd be annoyed that my husband did this but I'd like to know why? Is he OK is he depressed. I understand none of us want to work and would all love to just quit but we can't.
You need a good talk and a heart to heart, arguing and fighting will not solve anything and being angry eventually will just make you bitter as understandable as it is.
Hopefully he eventually understand that this is a serious matter and needs resolving ASAP, work together on it but be strong and hold your ground that he needs to find a job.

Don't let him use up the savings. Why should he have all your saved up money? It was for both of you.

I did misunderstand @YourFairCyanReader 's post. Many apologies to you.

The rest of my post I stick by though!

He can’t afford to be a house husband- the end. The mortgage isn’t paid off for a start- he has another ten years left of working/contributing.

Is he bad with money? Is there a reason he’s made this huge decision off his own back? Is he just trying it on hoping you agree?
Is there a compromise where he could work part time and still cover his share?

The only reason I can think of that he would do this is that he feels he desperately needs a break. After all, he must know that you can't afford for him not to work.

Yeah, he can't just do this. You're meant to be a team. If he won't take a compromise, such as another three weeks off and then he takes whatever job he can get, even temp stuff while finding something more permanent, then you will just have to come down on him hard. He can't just not work anymore. Apart from any other issues, it sounds like you can't afford for him not to work.

He can't retire at 49 - that's obvious.

I wouldn't spend any energy on this nonsense. He's got to get another job - end of discussion.

@BatchCookBabe I am sure that is not what @YourFairCyanReader was saying at all.

They were saying that OP's H seems the kind to think Mat Leave is a holiday and now he wants his turn

The poster wasn’t saying she thought he should get a maternity leave 🙈 read it again!

Yanbu. In a partnership you don't unilaterally make a decision that affects the other person's quality of life without agreeing it with them. You don't decide what their half of the savings go on. And you don't call someone selfish when they raise reasonable objections. Why should one of you work full time while the other doesn't work at all. Surely dropping a day (each) would have been more sensible if he was genuinely at risk of burn out

Oh, this is difficult.
I am a single parent so my advice may be tinted a bit by that. But I would quite like to come home and all my housework be done and the meals cooked. It would make a difference from me doing everything on top of my job as well 🤷🏻‍♀️
However, in a marriage you are supposed to be a partnership and he has acted recklessly in just walking out of a job without discussing it. But you still want to be together so your question is really how to salvage this.
I think I would sit down with him and ask what his plans are, how he will bring money into the house, and how all the financial load will be shared going forward. I would explain that I did not wish to be the sole breadwinner and I do not want to start resenting him or being angry because I want our marriage to work. I think communicate about how you feel. He has done his CV, it needs to start going out to people and he needs to apply for jobs.
Basically he has made a mistake chucking in his job without already having one to go to, he’s done it because he knows you are working, but you did not agree to that pressure.

He cant run through all of your savings so he needs to have a much shorter deadline than 6 months. I have some sympathy for wanting to tell your job to shove it, but in that case he needs to find another job. Maybe not what he was doing before, but he needs to bring in some money. I would be really angry too if I were you OP.

WOW. You're one of these people who think maternity leave is a holiday aren't you?! I'm cringing for you! 😖 Also women/mums who work part time, do more hours of graft and labour in a week than any man does. WAY more. How DARE any man think he is owed some 'years off?!'

This would be a dealbreaker for me @bottletop26 I would give him a month to find a job, and then I'd be getting my ducks in a row. No way could I be with a shirker, a workshy slacker, a cocklodger, no way. All the men in my family going back generations, have been hard working industrious men who proudly provided for the family they had created.

WTAF has happened to some men? The OP's husband is wanting to retire at 49? And with no plan of how he's going to fund it? Fuck that shit!!! I wouldn't be staying with him. The men in my family have always worked 45-55 years, and some fought for their country ... I cringe at how inadequate and embarrassingly weak some men are these days. 😬

You can bet your bottom dollar that the OP's husband - who wants to be a house husband - will barely lift a finger in the house too. Probably run the vacuum cleaner around once a fortnight, and wash the odd cup, but no WAY will he do anywhere near the amount of domestic chores and wifework that the OP has done all over the years!

Nah, give him an ultimatum @bottletop26 Shape up or ship out. If you do leave the marriage/divorce him, you may not be too well off financially, but at least you won't be supporting his lazy narrow ass!

I’d be clear he pays half the bills but how he does it is up to him. I’d give him a dead line to get a job and cancel any ‘luxury outgoings’ so literally pay mortgage, utilities and shop at Lidl basic food until he is contributing again.

No, he doesn't get to have six months off! That's absolute outrageous. He's behaved like a teenager knowing that you will pick up the pieces. I would tell him in no uncertain terms that I would not be picking up the pieces and I would sooner divorce him than do that. It's absolutely selfish behaviour.

I'd be beyond fuming and demand he find work or divorce. What an absolute git.

Well he can’t have as much as 6 months off in that case!

He needs to take any job he can in the meantime whilst he actively searches for another that pays a similar wage to the one he was on before.

Honestly, we’d all like to just quit and stay at home with no responsibilities, once there’s no kids to look after and it’s become an easy gig (esp having never stayed at home when the kids were little and it was the more difficult gig!).

Who’s he kidding? His idea of househusband is unemployed scrounged - from you! He needs to realise that he still has to meet his half of the bills, non negotiable.

My DH had been in the same job for 35 years and was made redundant (voluntary). We moved house after a few months to a completely new area. He found lots of temporary positions as he is a skilled manual worker, and had lots of varied work. So if he wants a different life maybe he could do fill in jobs for a while so money keeps coming into the home.

I think telling him there’ll be £75 left will hit hard. We’ve worked out finances and worked out how much we’ll have too if one of us quits work, but we’re some years ahead of you and have other sources of income.

I’m appalled he’s done this: is he genuinely thinking he can be a ‘house husband’ when the kids are up and gone? He’s unbelievably naive/stupid/selfish. Start up a new bank account, he doesn’t have access, all your wage goes into it, plus half of any savings. He’s quite mad. If he is thinking of your mat leave, I’d remind him that you did that so he could build his career/not have the responsibility of raising the dc. Now, somebody being at home is not necessary.

Are you sure he hasn’t been sacked?

Edit, sorry, I scanned but did not read.

Baked a cake ....no way tell him this is not on and he goes back to work or it's over.
Putting stress onto you baking cakes at home and being a house husband 75 pound left over.
Tell him it's not the life your prepared to live end of.

Another person who think he may have been sacked rather than quit…

what are you going to do OP?

I'd be telling him that I didn't need a house husband, I need a decent husband who contributes his fair share financially.

Your children are adults. His being a house husband is timed perfectly with there not being that much to do.

Unfortunately you're stuck with keeping the mortgage and bills covered for now to avoid credit problem. Make sure that's all you cover for him.

No spending money at all for him. No funding his car (if he has one), subscriptions, memberships, take aways or meals out etc.

After the basic bills and a very basic food shop the rest is yours. Use all of that £75 for yourself.

If you took maternity leave and worked part-time when your DC were young, I don't suppose he's someone who thinks that was a nice break for you and he's owed 'his turn'?

• being sick, injured or disabled continues to be the main reason why people aged 50 to 64 years are economically inactive in the labour market, with 44.7% of inactive individuals giving this as the main reason
• of economically inactive people aged 50 to 64 years, women (18.1%) were twice as likely as men (7.7%) to report ‘looking after home or family’ as the main reason for not looking for work, a statistically significant difference. Meanwhile, the proportion of men giving the main reason as ‘retired’ (32.5%%) was statistically significantly higher than women (26.9%)

The quote you pulled out implies that women can’t be arsed over the age of 50 (and that seems to be your interpretation of their “economic inactivity).

Common sense would suggest that the statistic in question actually hides a multitude of nuance, which is borne out by the above two paras in the same link. Ill health is most prevalent reason for economic inactivity in 50-64 age bracket (could working full time and raising children, while carrying mental load and much of the day to day of family life, having minimal time to take care of yourself and deprioritizing your own health and needs be connected with poorer health in your 50’s?). Women are having children later so do not necessarily have grown adult children in this age bracket, but may be finding that they are economically disadvantaged through taking time off during what may otherwise have been career peak years, unlike their spouses, so the benefit of working is reduced. Plus it is a typical age range in which caring for elderly parents might kick in.

I find it interesting that so many more men than women are “retired” in this age bracket - lots in interesting implications there, not just in terms of earning up to that point but also the way men and women may perceive not working (something they choose or something they are forced into).

The stat alone does not tell us that women do not wish to be economically active in this age bracket, especially on further reading.

OP - your husband is utterly thoughtless and selfish. I would get some financial advice to try and figure out what his lack of pension could mean to you over the long term if he doesn’t get straight back into work, and whether it’s a better choice for you financially to get out now. Hopefully his field is one in which there is plenty of work available, but in general it is a very tough market right now, so he has been an absolute idiot (or he’s a liar and there’s another reason he lost his job). Either way, consider your options.