I’m so angry at DH

I reckon he had this planned all along and he didn’t even walk out, probably handed his notice in long a go. He can’t be arsed anymore and wants you to be the breadwinner 🥴

He is selfish and quitting without discussing with you is not something I would agree with. Tell him 49 is too young to retire so he needs to find another job and quickly. I would not support him financially and point out his pension will be tiny unless he finds something else. On what grounds can he call you selfish? Simply for not letting him lie around the house while you go out to work every day? If you worked part time in the past presumably you were doing childcare. As your children are now adults what does he propose he do during the day? Cleaning the house and cooking dinner won't be enough.

I would do holidays on your own as he won't be able to afford to go.

Do not under any condition him being a house husband.
It means that if it comes to a divorce you would have to pay for him.
He's got to get back to work ASAP, if not it's divorce time.

No it seems like the husband cannot communicate.

Was the comment about being a house husband just a joke though?

I agree it was a risky thing to do, I recently moved jobs and I applied for lots, never heard back, interviewed for many and only got offered 1. It is a tough market.

Hopefully if you make it clear it’s completely unaffordable he’ll get his act together.

Well it’s not much comfort, but he has almost certainly paid enough NI to qualify for state pension, being 49 and assuming he’s been in work most of his adult like

House husband or wife isn't a thing unless you've got kids under 18 or even 16. Especially If you can't afford it. Tell him you'll take your half of the joint account and go fully sperate finances.

Well, does he really understand the concept of being a househusband?
He possibly thinks it’s going to be cushy particularly if the children have fled the nest.
My husband walked out of jobs more than once while our kids were young. As much as I disliked his decision, he always seemed to have a career change up his sleeve. When there was a gap between starting though he realised I wasn’t going to lift a finger at home until he returned to work because my own career was carrying the family and picking up extra hours were tiring.

Being a teacher must be exhausting…no time for washing clothes, dishes or making pack lunches…..didn’t the garden need a look at too?
And, others are quite right about state pension payments, that ‘gap’ will make a huge impact on later life of unpaid contributions.

He’s not in a position to play house sadly, by the sounds of things, so sit him down and give him the application form to stack shelves at the supermarket as a start back into the real world.

well no, because if my husband came to me with such a grin and said something stupid like that, I would be giving him a shit storm of choice words

I'm a similar age, and also would quite happily stop working, I say this even having had a year break between jobs not so long ago. I can however see exactly what my earnings pay for, and how much more comfortable we are with me working and how my earnings benefit the whole family and I can't just walk away. Our kids are also much younger and we are still in the depths of juggling school holidays. I think it's possible the appeal of being at home will wear off for your husband, hopefully he just needs some time to recharge and then will have some energy to look for something else.

To be fair, I am 50, and I don't want to work anymore either.

Unfortunately, I realise that my lifestyle will change drastically and I'll have no money. So I get up and do what I need too. Like a fucking adult with responsibilities. (2 French Bulldogs that need vets, food and balls)

He is a complete tool for doing this and to be honest, like the posters above, I would suggest you have a hard time limit for him being in work, or off he fucks.

He has definitely been planning this for a while and didn’t discuss with you as he didn’t want to listen to your objections. Massively reckless and selfish of him. I’d tell him he needs to get a Christmas part time /casual job by next month and then keeping applying for more permanent positions.

Very good point

That nest-egg of savings isn't intended for either of you to have a six month holiday, is it? It's your safety net for any big impact repairs and the like. With ten years still to run on the mortgage, it would be insane to decide that only one income is needed and you can both get by on that, while himself lolls about at home earning nothing. He needs more pension payments for a start and to cover his share of the mortgage and bills. Where's that going to come from?

He needs a wake up call. It's all very well throwing in the towel when you've got something else in the pipeline, but he clearly doesn't. He needs to be earning too, so what's he going to do? Does he have plans other than "sit at home while @bottletop26 works her fingers to the bone trying to make ends meet"?

I’m 49 & pissed off with work too. Sigh…

Just tell him to leave and make his own way in life.

I would expect him to get some counselling or something. If my husband did this i would think he was having a massive burn out.
Honestly my husband had a similar situation and was sacked even though we talking and I could see the signs, I wish he had just taken the 6 months sick pay but he refused - male pride i think in his case.
Obviously you need to be furious and set some boundaries but I would go gentle also. Maybe set a time line 3 months? And he then he needs to take any job
I think mens metal health shows different to women.
It is absolutely awful for you and it was awful for me too, we were finally financially comfortable and it was such a blow.

You need to say that. That you valued the teamwork in your marriage and this wasnt that. Its OK if he hated his job so much he wanted to leave but that was too big a decision to make without consulting you.

Hes acting silly, thinking he can just not work. How does he envision paying for things, being a house spouse is joint 2 yes decision.. I think you need to say if the job was so intolerable you had to leave... ok. But you need to both recognise the need to have 2 incomes.

What’s been going on in your marriage that means you’ve not been able to discuss this together?
There must be quite a disconnect if this came as a surprise, and that’s sad for both of you.
I hope you can get over your anger and actually find out what your husband wants and how he’s going to get there. It doesn’t sound like he’s checked out if he’s working up a CV and managing the home.
But Hey, what do any of us know on here? And if you’re asking Mumsnet, you’re asking the wrong people.

@BatchCookBabe I'm cringing for you!

That’s so irresponsible of him! How on earth does he expect you to support you both and save for retirement.

What a fool.

Given the suddenness and apparent levity of the reason for him leaving, I suspect he's probably struggling mentally; burnt out or having a small breakdown for example. Normal healthy people don't walk out of a career suddenly because they didn't like the way someone spoke to them. He may be reluctant to admit this.

That said, he can't just put all the financial responsibility on you.

Now you say you can survive on your wage, so him having a particularly high paying job may not be necessary. Could he get a low-stress role in e.g. a supermarket for example, or could he go part time in his old career?

I think you need to sit him down and have a real come-to-jesus conversation where you both work out what's going on, what your financial and lifestyle expectations are going into retirement, and how you can make it work.

75 pounds left over in the UK at the end of the month means a desperate situation

we just spent thousands on needed repairs and replacing things ....if I did not have much more than 75 at the end of the month, we would just live in a broken home with buckets, leaks and all sorts

Even if divorce isnt in the cards I'd do financial separation immediately ie. split savings and bills in half. Your income goes to your account for you to pay your half of the shared expenses, rest is for you to use as you please. He already unilaterally made the decision to massively cut your family income for no mature reason, it is not unreasonable for you to protect yourself.

You can't make a grown man do anything but he needs to realise that actions have consequences. He quit his job with zero plans to contribute to the family financially, it is up to him to decide how he wants to fund his share of your strapped. Whether it is draining his savings or pension or driving uber. You shouldn't sacrifice your financial security for this and you certainly should mot drain your emergency fund because of his idiocy.