I’m so angry at DH

As he's doing his CV he clearly intends to look for work. In the meantime he's doing a lot at home. Give him a while before getting impatient with him. Could be a lot worse. There was a recent thread where someone's DH had stopped work and was just sitting on couch all day.

In your shoes I would do the following -

Contact HR at your work, today, and get your pay redirected to a solo account. Monthly payroll usually runs around 20th or a bit later so you have time to do this.

Move your half of the savings, today, to an account he cannot access.

Cut off all subscription services, Netflix, sky sports, all of it.

Take any games consoles down to CEX and trade them in.

Tell him he has to pay his half of the bills and you don't care how he does it.

And stick to your guns, you don't want him getting comfortable at home.

That's nice, but it's also too short to spend slaving somewhere else in order to keep someone who's unilaterally decided not to work at all, and isn't raising young children.

I would want to know if there was something underlying this (burnout/breakdown) which may need some treatment/support and a plan to ease back into suitable employment

If not, and it is laziness, I’d let him have his holiday in lieu of notice period and then it’s time for job hunting. I would be making sure your pay goes into your own account, if you can, ring fence half the savings and tighten the weekly budget for the time he is expected to be unemployed so he can get a taste of the supermarket scrimping, if he’s chosen to make things financially tight, he needs to feel it rather than burning through savings.

if he doesn’t engage with either of the above, then I would be seriously considering my future with him, as he’s showing no consideration for the burden he’s putting on you.

If you only have 6 months savings then you absolutely can not “afford” for him to do this. He needs a job and fast. Any job but he can’t sit at home baking fucking cakes ffs

When you talk to him is also hand him the bare bones food budget and say I did all the making it work when the kids were young, while also working. Now you’ve decided we don’t need your income this is the supermarket budget and you are in charge of shopping and cooking. I can’t tell you how much I don’t even want to be in the same room as you now you’ve dropped us straight back into counting pennies, I hated that then and I’ll hate it even more now, this is so selfish of you.

Good lord I'm so sorry this is disgusting behaviour. I'm not surprised your marriage won't be the same. I'd love to not have to work and spend the time doing things purely for my own MH but it's not the reality of life is it?

How are things now?

I was specifically talking about the situation the OP is describing. Her DH doing a bit of house work and cooking is really not equivilent to a full time paid job in terms of effort and value to the household. Most people manage to do both.

We better tell those SAHM parents with school age children that they're doing a lot less than their working partners and should remember that.

Are you saying you had no idea this was on the cards OP? He just came home one day, announced he'd quit and told you he'd been thinking about it for a while?

I'd be fuming if my other half did that too without first talking to me about it, but are you sure that's the whole story? Is it possible he's been sacked or made redundant and he's just trying to save face?

It could have been a shock to the system, hence taking some time.

Either way you say he's doing his CV so he's clearly planning on looking for work. Whether he's been let go or something has driven him to the point of walking out, maybe he just needed some downtime to figure things out.

There's clearly a bit of communication for you both to work on, but assuming he's at least somewhat sensible he'll know he can't retire at 49. Assuming this is a one off, out of the blue occurrence, ignore all the posters telling you to leave him.

It's not though is it? On Saturday I did a full clean of the house, a food shop and cooked three meals. It was no way as hard as my full time job.

More importantly I don't get paid for it.

Most people manage to look after their house and have paid employment.

My ( ex) husband did this to me when we had two children, one aged 4 months.
He did get another job eventually but lost his long service with the council and started in a temporary position again.
It was the shape of things to come and he gave up work 'due to ill health' ( he had a bad back) a few years later.
We divorced when he was 43.

Are you saying a full day's housework and cooking isn't comparable to work outside the home?

I think you should tell him tvat he has 2 months to get a job after which point you will hand in your notice too as you are fed up of working too and mightily pissed off tgat he makes mammoth decisions with no discussion.

What he has done yoday is not comparable to your average day when.your children were small and you were penny- pinching. Was his job high pressure? Perhaps chasing something less high pressure, even if the pay is less could be an.option? . There should have been a discussion with you if he was unhappy and anticipated foing something so life- changing.

He was obviously unhappy at work and felt he couldn't tell you. I would want my partner to be in a job that they didn't hate. Life is too short to slave in a horrible place for money.

The lack of communication on your husband's part is crazy.
I have a friend in this situation, it wouldn't work for me but it seems to work for them. However I would be resentful and not prepared to fund my partner staying at home whilst I worked full time.

I'd be planning my escape route!

Dear @bottletop26
I agree with the person who said talk and talk and talk some more.

He has been really stupid here by not talking with you before he left.

This doesn’t mean it can’t be resolved or your relationship is at an end!!! He’s having some kind of midlife crisis potentially and maybe wants to shake things up in his life. I felt like this at 50.

Is there a way he can do something different? Can you both do something different?
can you chat with a life coach? You’re in a great situation - with grown up kids and your health and youth intact.
I get you’re angry he has taken this big step without talking with you but I hope it leads to some conversations about how you want to spend the next 10 / 20 years x

Tell him being a house husband is just not an option. He needs to get off his arse and find a job.

A “good marriage” relies on trust and open communication. Neither are here in this scenario. One party has chosen to do something highly destabilising to the whole relationship without the permission or awareness of the other. Its a giant “fuck you”, up there with cheating in my view. It’s basically saying: “you can take care of us now because I can’t be arsed and your views, thoughts and feelings don’t matter.”

I’m not saying its a default divorce situation and maybe could be salvaged with genuine remorse but its currently a long long way from being a “good marriage”.

I wouldn't divorce him! Can't believe that's some people's advice to you. You've been married for years, a good marriage, so don't chuck it away. You need to talk and talk and talk. Yes he should have spoken to you before doing anything, of course he should, but maybe there's more going on than you realise. Get talking and see where you end up. Be honest about how you feel. Hope it all works out OK x

Given the update i am taking it at face value he resigned

We have always been a team.

When a member of the team unilaterally makes huge financial decisions you are no longer a team.

My marriage just couldn't work like this.

separately....
I last looked for a job in 2020... looking for one this year was eye opening in a very very bad way. The market and hiring conditions are exceptionally challenging.

He is likely in for an unpleasant surprise if he thinks he will walk into a new role.
his industry maybe be different but in mine he would do very well to land something within 6 months. Ave time is 6m - 12m
He needs to do his cv today and start looking asap.
I found something in 6 months but I got lucky and I'm 40. Ageism is real and 50 somethings are struggling badly in the job market right now... as are people not currently in work (ie its harder for them)

Why should she be pandering to this? Its a massive betrayal of trust.

He called YOU selfish? WTF?

His action was hugely selfish.

My father did this, his work situation was bad and affecting his mental health, but he hadn’t applied for other jobs before quitting. He was then out of work for a long time. Mum was angry and upset but stayed married. Money was tight again.

I don’t think in a similar situation I would stay married, unless he found another job quickly and acknowledged that what he’d done was the problem.