To have an intense dislike of this child?

Let me tell you about my new neighbours… parents and 4 children,very verbally abusive household even tho they,re quite middle class. I hear this when they are in garden or in driveway etc,intimidating,antoaganistic,sarcastic,the parents speak to each other and the kids horribly, its write shocking…. In turn i have heard the 9years,10 years kids speak the same way to their playmates on the estate….. so just stop and think for a minute as to how these children are being raised and the damage done by parents before slamming the door in the childs face ♥️

Apologies, as this is not the point of the thread, but what has her mother being a professional got to do with manners?? In fact, having taught in many different cities with very varied demographics it is often the children of minimum wage, non-professional parents who are the most polite!

She knows you hate her because you wouldn’t let dd out until she came with a friend who you do like and let her take a break. This child knows you hate her now. Tbh she’ll probably grow up to be the CEO of some company. She’s a child, although obnoxious.

Then you need to view this as a learning experience, and a chance to practice standing up for yourself 😀

Insolent

I would just tell her to stop or leave and if she does it again I’d say sorry you’re going to have to leave and ‘escort’ her out lol.
When she calls, can you see who’s at the door before you answer? If so as you’ve said your daughter never calls for her, I would just stop answering the door to her & if daughter isn’t bothered, tell her to do the same.
There was a very annoying girl who started joining us on the school run who used to annoy my younger dd, so in the end I said “sorry we want to walk home alone so we can talk” and I told her off every time she purposefully tried to annoy my dd.
You are the adult here, set and stick to the boundaries, and be direct.

To be honest you have much more power and control than an 11 year old does and I think you could be stronger in your interactions with her.

She doesn’t see you as an authoritative figure and I think it’s because you don’t have any rapport with her parents. Each time she does something poor, you should be discussing her with her parents and be willing to rock the boat and get rid of her. Also she’s clearly in control of every social interaction and outing, so it’s awkward for your daughter too. So you being passive isn’t helping anyone out, be happy to be the bad guy on occasion and be firmer.

Also if you had a ring camera, maybe just interact with her through the camera and don’t open the door.

Sorry - I should have said you would do right to stand up to her!

She sounds like the little girl I used to play with in my parents village when I was pre school, then occasionally after going to different schools. Honestly this girl was a menace - like a little dictator. I think you do right standing up to her and making sure your dd knows you have her back.

The girl I’m thinking of was the only other little girl my age in the village I think so we were a bit thrown together.

All of the above. When the child, and it’s a ‘when’ with children like this, makes a massive ongoing thing of particularly wanting to be your D’s friend, you will have to dig in further. I have experience of all this and any rejection makes these ch absolutely hell bent on getting what they want. The child I’m thinking of is dangerous when thwarted, and I don’t say that lightly.

Your daughter will end up just like you if you can't deal with an 11 year old.

"She's not coming out" on a loop.
Shut the door in her face before she gets a chance to answer.
Stop remaining polite in the face of such insolence.

"No you are not coming in" shut door, on a loop.
I wouldn't want her around my child.

What will she be like at 15?
Hanging around with your child.
Kill the friendship now.

Do you have a mirror? If not, buy one. Stand in front of it & say 'No' firmly as many times as it take to become second nature. Next time she knocks, you will find yourself saying 'No' automatically. It rather sounds as if the girl isn't used to hearing the word consistently so you'll be doing her a favour too.

Well, that's why. Kids will be kids is obviously true by definition, but they are kids and need to be parented. Just because mum is a professional does not mean she is a decent parent; lots of the best parents don't work/have non-professional jobs. In Subway, I saw a woman who is a social worker let her children speak very rudely to the staff; my mum would never have let me do this. Of course some children have additional needs/we all have bad days, but if we choose to have kids, it's up to us to teach them to be respectful.

Why on earth are you trying to 'people please' a child you hate? That makes no sense.

What’s this behaviour called? Is there a word for it*

Yes, it's rudeness-you know that so stop putting up with it.

Next time, open the door and don't speak, just raise your eyebrows

When child speaks, say: 'not today' scowl and shut the door.

You don’t hate her you just hate the feeling of being totally unable to manage her.

You need to learn to stand up to people at some point so it may as well be now.

OP you're letting her walk all over you, but you're also modelling this behaviour to your daughter. This is a really great opportunity to show your daughter how we respond when people speak rudely to us.

As for the specifics, I'd be throwing her out the very second she was rude. She doesn't live with you, you don't need to tolerate it! Take her by the arm, walk her out. "You don't speak to people like that young lady, we can talk about you coming to play again when you've found your manners."

You need to be firmer OP. I can be guilty of being a people pleaser but I wouldnt stand for people being downright rude to me, even children. Its not setting a good example to your DC either, that your permitting others to treat you like this with no respect

I'd try directing her behaviour into useful things - if she's watering the trampoline you could say 'oooh, while you've got the hose could you water those plants?'

You can be clear '(daughter) can't come out today, we're probably home tomorrow from x o'clock'

If she comes back try concern 'are you ok? Do you want me to call someone for you? Is everything ok at home?' You might find there's something terrible happening (that's ok - you can phone the police / children's services / her school) and if not you've shown her one of the ways people react to obviously rude behaviour - they'll think something is wrong and start talking about it in ways that might cause her trouble.

Evil !

Sorry but how on earth are you so wet? Like hell would someone’s 11 year old be rude to me in my own house. That would just not happen. You don’t have to be unkind or aggressive just firm and brisk.

If DD doesn't want to play with this girl, you, her parent, need to step up. You do not have to let any kids in your home or garden that you do not want in your home or garden.

"I'm sorry, DD is busy, she can't come out to play today"

"I have already said no, DD can't come out today. No, I am not going to argue with you. Please go home or go and see if any of the other kids can play instead"

Rinse and repeat.

Maybe look up assertive communication strategies, or get some coaching to support you in asserting boundaries.

We had kids who would come and knock for my son all the time, and they’d usually end up arguing. They would keep coming back every 15 mins or so if he said he wasn’t going.
i just kept telling them in the end to stop knocking and if he wanted to come out and play he would come and find them. They got the message eventually but it took a while!

Being disrespectful and back chat/answering back, as my mum called the latter.

Some of the most badly behaved kids I've taught are those of professionals... their idea of parenting is money and not time so kida are left to their own devices.

I'd make it clear to your DD that you find this girl rude and if she ever speaks to people like that she will be in big trouble.