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AIBU?

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Original poster

To Not Go On Holiday

32 replies

Sadalot90 · 13/10/2025 18:18

I’m in my 40s had a baby late in life and ever since I’ve been incredibly anxious. I suppose I was before but it is really bad now.
Recent events have exacerbated my anxiety: my dad is living with stage 4 cancer, I was made redundant after being in the same job for years, I am taking my former employer to a tribunal, my grandad died and I was there at the end and it was not peaceful, my sister will not speak to anyone in the family, I have struggled to find another job to name some.

I am also extremely scared of flying and we are due to go on holiday at the end of the week. My anxiety about this is through the roof. Would I be unreasonable just not to go? To simply say I can’t manage. I cannot tell you how much better I would feel. However it would be incredibly selfish, my husband would not understand (he definitely wouldn’t go without me) but my son is only 2 so he wouldn’t comprehend he is missing out.

I know I shouldn’t have booked it but I did. The flight is 3 hours long. Is there a middle ground… the GP gave me propranolol before but it didn’t make any difference. I’m pretty sure they won’t prescribe Valium for fear of flying but could I get it for the rest of my issues. Distraction, meditation, alcohol, etc never help.

Any advice would be welcomed.

Yabu …you booked it and it would be selfish to back out. A 3 hour flight isn’t that long.
Yanbu…you are so overwhelmed and it is not the end of the world to cancel a holiday

OP posts:
Mix56 · 13/10/2025 19:56

Cancel.

SparklyCardigan · 13/10/2025 19:35

I'm an anxious traveller. Do what you need to do to get on the plane and go. You will feel a million times better knowing you can do it and not let your fears win.

ELO10538 · 13/10/2025 19:32

In your circumstances OP I would cancel without a moment's hesitation.

loonyloo · 13/10/2025 19:06

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear you're having such a tough time right now. I hope your husband is being supportive about everything even if you're not sure he'd understand if you said you wanted to cancel the holiday.

My personal opinion is that it's perfectly fine to cancel the holiday if you're not up to it. And I'm speaking as someone who loves travelling to new places more than anything else. If you're stressed and anxious you won't enjoy the holiday, especially if you're worrying about the return flight while you're there.

As for your husband, just explain it like you did here. That's all you can do.

On a practical note for upcoming holiday, would you be covered by your travel insurance if you cancelled on the grounds of being ill (you'd need to prove it of course, but would your GP confirm you're suffering from anxiety)? If you are, you could use the money to go somewhere in the UK instead.

For the future, please look into some counselling or therapy such as CBT. There’s no one-stop, one-size fits all solution, and services can be in high demand, but you sound really overwhelmed with everything that is going on and you need the support. Speak to your GP to get the ball rolling.

For future holidays, consider alternatives. Obviously holidays probably aren't even your priority just now but it's nice to have a break from every day life. It'll take a while to resolve your fear of flying, but that doesn't mean you have to go without. You can go on holiday in the UK. You can take ferries, even as a foot passenger. You can take the Eurostar. Once you're on the continent, you can drive or take trains. It can be expensive, but if you keep your eye out for cheap ferry deals and/or advance train fares it can be done. Seat61.com is a great resource for trains and he has a lot of info on ferries too.

In the meantime, look after yourself and don't be afraid to cancel if that's what's best for you

CarrotCrusader · 13/10/2025 18:30

Can you afford to go somewhere over here instead like a caravan holiday? I'm sorry for your anxiety. Could anti depressants help your anxiety?

Roundlucy · 13/10/2025 18:26

Surely your husband is aware of how on the edge you appear to be?

Roundlucy · 13/10/2025 18:25

I think it Would be nothing short of reckless for you to take your child abroad given how you describe yourself.

spend the money on therapy in helping yourself op