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AIBU?

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Spying neighbour?

84 replies

Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 18:17

Bit of a strange one. Sorry for the super long post. Just hoping to get some perspective as not sure if I'm over reacting and been a paranoid weirdo🙈. I purchased my home 15 years ago and in terms of neighbours they're all a good bunch, that was until 6 months ago when a couple started renting the house directly behind mine. We live in town houses with smallish patio type gardens so not a great deal of privacy but there are trees blocking the view of all but this one neighbour in particular.

The new neighbours spend alot of time outside smoking cannabis. They line their deck chairs up against their house, so they are spending hours just staring up at my house. The smell is awfull thay sometimes I've had to keep my kids windows shut even in 35° heat but I've turned a blind eye for an easy life.The windows that they can see into are my kitchen, kids bedrooms and bathroom. They litterally sit, outside for hours day and night just watching, staring up and in with a joint in their hand.

On numerous occasions I've noticed one of them watching me in the garden from one of their upstairs windows. When I have that feeling I turn around and see their curtains move as if someones jumped out of the way. I do have privacy glass in the bathroom but nothing in the kids room. It made me feel quite uneasy having them looking up when my kids were in the bath but as it's been summer and it's nice to have a bit of natural light, rather than drawing the blinds I invested in an extra layer of frosted privacy film so although you can see slight silhouette there's no detail. When the dark nights draw in and I have lights on I always shut the blinds anyway. I still convinced myself at this point that I was imaging the prying eyes and just been paranoid.

Today I noticed her watching me while I was doing the dishes in the kitchen so drew the blinds. She saw me do this and it's obviously enraged her as about an hour later she pushed and hand written note through my door. She went onto say in the note that she wants to let me know that my privacy glass in the bathroom isn't even private. She says she's been looking up and can see my whole family bathing. She went onto say that she was telling me for the sake of my privacy (Like she cares about privacy). She even told me that she knows where my bath is in the bathroom. To pin point this she's obviously spent time staring through my window when it's open. Now if this was genuinely a concerned neighbour giving me the heads up that my bathroom wasnt private I would take it as a kind tip off but shes litterally made no attempt to inform me of this and shes litterally spent 6 months happily watching us, and only once I've finally blocked her view, she's written me a snappy note. To be honest I feel a bit violated, not just for me but also my young children. Shes basically just openly admitted that she has been watching us in a letter😖. I don't really know what to do from here. Should I appraoch her? Report it incase its escalates? I feel like a hermit in my own own as I'm even shutting my blinds in the daytime now.

OP posts:
Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 19:49

StartingOverIn2025 · 13/10/2025 19:42

There’s quite an effective reflective privacy window film I’ve seen on eBay. Not that you should have to use it, but it might be a quick, easy and cheap fix for your problem.

Yes ive seen this! I may get some and get the husband up a ladder at the weekend to put it in place

OP posts:
Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 19:46

mirrorsandlights · 13/10/2025 19:31

Where did I say I thought someone doing drugs all day in the garden was ok? Clearly your privacy arrangements haven’t been very good as you are complaining about her looking in. You can’t really stop anyone from looking out of their windows or sitting in their garden.

With all do respect I've got no less privacy provisions in place than the next person. I have blinds on all of my windows. A 6ft fence around my house and privacy glass in my bathroom. Other than keeping my blinds drawn all day and living like an absolute hermit I really don't see what else I can do. It all feels a bit victim blamey to be fair. Rather than attacking someone for not having the correct provisions in place maybe ask yourself if someone should be staking out someone's home and spending hours high on drugs staring in at them in the first instance. I don't know about you but if I saw a silhouette of a neighbour or kids in the bath I'd look away. I wouldn't perv on them for 6 months and then tell them once they've put more privacy provisions in place.

OP posts:
malmi · 13/10/2025 19:46

Just put a big (maximum allowable) fence up, it’s the only thing you can do. As long as they can see into your windows you will never relax.

StartingOverIn2025 · 13/10/2025 19:42

There’s quite an effective reflective privacy window film I’ve seen on eBay. Not that you should have to use it, but it might be a quick, easy and cheap fix for your problem.

mirrorsandlights · 13/10/2025 19:31

Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 19:20

I don't believe that anything is wrong with my current privacy provisions thanks. I have live in my property for 15 years quite happily before the nosey neighbour from hell moved in. If you think it's normal for someone to sit in their garden doing drugs all day staring up at your kids then I think you need a hard drive check🤷‍♀️

Where did I say I thought someone doing drugs all day in the garden was ok? Clearly your privacy arrangements haven’t been very good as you are complaining about her looking in. You can’t really stop anyone from looking out of their windows or sitting in their garden.

MissMoneyFairy · 13/10/2025 19:25

I don't see how anyone can see people bathing upstairs from looking up in their garden, can you put privacy film on the windows, you can see out but no one can see in.

Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 19:20

mirrorsandlights · 13/10/2025 19:07

Who would you report her to? She hasn’t done anything other than sit in her garden or look out of the window. You’ve only guessed she was enraged by you pulling the blinds across, perhaps she is merely telling you that your privacy arrangements just aren’t very effective. You say she has happily been watching you but what makes you think she has enjoyed it? Can you put some screening in the garden and invest in some more effective privacy blinds?

I don't believe that anything is wrong with my current privacy provisions thanks. I have live in my property for 15 years quite happily before the nosey neighbour from hell moved in. If you think it's normal for someone to sit in their garden doing drugs all day staring up at your kids then I think you need a hard drive check🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Dandelionsarepretty · 13/10/2025 19:16

Post the note here

mirrorsandlights · 13/10/2025 19:07

Who would you report her to? She hasn’t done anything other than sit in her garden or look out of the window. You’ve only guessed she was enraged by you pulling the blinds across, perhaps she is merely telling you that your privacy arrangements just aren’t very effective. You say she has happily been watching you but what makes you think she has enjoyed it? Can you put some screening in the garden and invest in some more effective privacy blinds?