DH has fallen out with my DD, because of how she spent her money

Art and jewellery are very good investments long term. Your DD is to be commended for her prudence and mature decision making.

Your husband on the other hand sounds petulant. Is he somewhat jealous that your DD received the money from his mother and it didn’t go to him. Furthermore she received monies from her paternal grandparents which enabled her to buy a property unencumbered at a relatively young age. Is he jealous and resentful that she is in a better position than he was at a similar age.

That is where my guesses go to, also
He wanted to make sure she keeps the money so you retrieve some of it somehow

That's pretty shitty calling it child abuse when it clearly isnt

While I generally think inheritance should go towards long term financial stability, if the giver had preferences for the use of the money, I think those wishes should be respected if possible.

Your daughter didn’t fritter away the money. She spent it on a few big, indulgent things that she valued and will be able to appreciate for a very long time. That is an excellent use of the money given the parameters

In your opinion it’s ridiculous, but the OP’s daughter clearly doesn’t agree and as it’s her money that’s the important thing.

Yup he’s a twat.

How long are you with this loser?
And allowing him to treat your daughter poorly?

Where has the OP said she has spent the whole amount?

Your MIL left the money to your daughter with the literal instructions to use it for "something fun", which I'd interpret as something that gives her lasting pleasure that she might not have felt she could afford had she not had the inheritance. And MIL left a letter saying how much she respected your daughter. I think the fact that your daughter bought things she'll see every day that remind her of your MIL is really nice and does respect the gift and the memory of the relationship.

But regardless of how the money was spent, does your husband really think his mother would have wanted him to STOP SPEAKING to his stepdaughter/her step granddaughter - who she obviously cared about and appreciated a lot - because idea of "fun" doesn't match his? I'm glad your daughter is resilient enough to shrug this off (and I hope she really is, not just putting on a brave face), but he is being really cruel. I hope it is just a symptom of grief and he'll come to his senses when he can. YANBU at all though - if it were my daughter I imagine I'd be quite upset with my husband on her behalf even if she is more mellow about his reaction.

£4k on a piece of art is absolutely ridiculous and she sounds like she has no sense of money.

I too would be pissed off.

But at the end of the day it’s her money she has wasted and him not wanting to speak to her isn’t going to bring his mum or her money back.

I think it’s great for your DD that she is in a privileged position and I assume you are quite rich which means she will likely always have money to fall back on but I would be a bit concerned that she received this money and felt she had to spend all of it in a short amount of time.
But it may have just been a silly splurge and she could have spent it on drugs etc.

If he wanted his son to have money for fun he could have given him part of his own inheritance instead of saving it.

He's obviously jealous. Maybe his son inherited nothing when your daughter got the money for the flat so he feels it's one sided?

Your daughter has things she can keep, look at and feel the love shown in them. That's not a bad thing.

He's a complete prat. Even if he disagrees with the way she spent the money, it's hers, not his.

Tbh I’m impressed at her maturity in choosing to invest in art and jewellery! Not sure I wouldn’t have pissed it all away at that age.
He’s being incredibly unreasonable to stop speaking to her over money his own mother left her, and it smacks of jealousy.

Sorry to ask the usual MN question but does he have form for freezing people out who displease him?

DH’s DM bought a piece of art for him shortly before she died (expected death, she knew she didn’t have much longer). It’s one of his most treasured possessions. Your DH is being a twat.

She's 25, its no one's business but hers what she spends HER money on. Why on earth does your husband think he has any right have a say or even an opoinion on the matter. Just because the money was eft by his Mum doesn;t make him the guardian of it. If his mum had thought he should decide how that money should be spent, she'd have left it to him.

My dad left my kids a bit of money in his will I have no idea what they spent it on, or if they spent it or saved it. Wouldn't occur to me to ask, its none of my business.

tell your DH to butt out. And if he had debts to pay off with his inheritance, then he's hardly the expert on money management is he ?

Give him a break, he’s lost his mum and probably isn’t thinking straight.

Your stepson could have bought a smaller place and had £20k spending money though. He chose not to. I hope you’ve said to your dd that you think she did exactly the right thing and that he’s behaving like an arsehole.

I think your DD sounds a very sensible woman. She has spent the money exactly as she was told to by your MIL, on fun things. And she has obviously carefully thought about how she can spend on fun things that she can keep, and act as a reminder of the deceased.

Your daughter sounds very sensible, you must be very proud of her. I am so glad she is not allowing your husband to spoil it for her.

What would he approve of? A car? That wouldn't hold value as well as art or good jewellery might.
She has purchased inheritance pieces.
In honesty, I don't think I could be married to him. Giving your DD the silent treatment? No thanks.
He knows full well that if he refuses to speak to your DD it makes your life very difficult and puts stein on your relationship with her too. So, he is punishing you both for an imagined slight. Nasty.

Ask him outright. Ask him if he is bitter that his mother left money to your dd

About six months Before she died, Mum gavee six of us a couple of thousand each. All she asked is that we tell her what we had spent it on so that she could enjoy it vicariously.

I bought a piece of jewellery, sister and brother in law pooled theirs and bought a painting, grandchildren mainly spent theirs on upgrading their cars. Mum was chuffed.

she also paid for each of us to have an "experience" , again, she wanted to hear about it.

now I'm old and quite frail, one of my joys is to give my adult child and partner "treats" that they enjoy , but wouldn't normally do, because they are sensible with their money.

your daughter sounds like she's done the sensible thing with her first inheritance by buying a flat, and done exactly what her step Grandmother requested, spent 20k on things she loved.

If your husband doesn't approve, that's fine. He isn't required to approve of not, it's not his business.

in short, your husband is being a prat.

This YP is a grown adult though and could do exactly what they wanted with their money. She did as was requested- spent it on fun and on what makes her happy.