DH has fallen out with my DD, because of how she spent her money

Have you asked him how his mum would feel if she knew that he wasn't speaking to DD, who she clearly loved? And is she knew that the reason for his sulking is that the daughter followed her request?

I agree with him that she’s wasted it - unless it’s a print by a famous artist.
But ultimately it’s not his money so there’s no point stropping about it.

Yes, he’s being a prick. No one gets to dictate to anyone else what they spend an inheritance on. Do you think he resents the fact that his mother left her the money?

I think your DD sounds fab op. She’s been very sensible with her money and used this money she was gifted to carry out the wishes of the person gifting it to her.
Your DH on the other hand sounds awful, I do not think I could be with someone who has stated they are going to ignore my DD. How does he expect family events to pan out now?

He's not even her father. Not her fault that she's doing better in her career than his kid. Perhaps he should have been more ambitious. Bet she worked hard for the scholarship she received.

Don’t listen to the people saying she wasted it OP. The same people would (and some did) say spending 20k on a wedding would have been more appropriate. She can’t own jewellery or art, but she can spend it all entertaining friends for a single day and maybe still get divorced.

People’s priorities are fucked. It was fun money. She had fun. End of story.

Good for her she's taken the intention and wish of the person leaving the legacy. Also for people being sniffy about the belly bar she could well wear it forever, or she might not and she will still have the stone which can be fashioned into a ring. She sounds sensible over all and not at all lacking in assets

Won't talk to her - dear me, how very silly.

He's being a complete twat about this.
Is it misplaced grief perhaps?
It doesn't justify it though. He will ruin his relationship with his stepdaughter.
She sounds like a perfectly sensible girl. I've no idea what his concerns are based in. She owns a home at 25. She has loads of savings. Honestly what's his problem? He just sounds controlling at this point.

It's likely he's grieving ad angry, and might have been taught/expected to hide his feelings, so heartbreak comes out as anger instead of tears.
I don't think it's wrong for your daughter to spend money she's told to use for fun on anything that she deems fun-whether that's investment art, jewellery, or holidays and partying. But for many of us, £20 000 is an unimaginable amount (don't think I'd ever got £200 to spend on non-essentials/bills etc when I was a teenager) that we would use for housing/education etc, and so it seems frivolous just to spend it-he might feel like this. That comes down to our own experiences and backgrounds (even though you say his mum was rich, I can't assume I know he's always had an easy life), but it does not mean she's gone against the giver's wishes in this particular case.

No, it's not ok for people to take it out on others like this, but nor does it make them evil-many of us react badly when we're hurting. Yes, we should learn to deal with things better.

More’s the point, she was specifically told to have fun with it.

You sound like you’ve raised a pretty solid young woman who yes has had immense privilege but has also made fully solid decisions around that privilege.

What have you actually said to your husband? I hope youve told him straight that he’s completely out of order to be this way with your daughter.
It smells of resentment and jealousy. She has had good breaks, yes. But because she’s spent the inheritance exactly how his mother suggested, on fun, I’m betting he’s seething she didn’t really need it (and therefore deserve it) whereas he had to spend his on debt.
The silent treatment is a form of manipulation - what’s he trying to guilt her into doing? Handing back the equivalent from her savings..?
I hope youve brought him up sharp.

Your DD sounds great. Your DH sounds like a knob

I’m not a frivolous spender at all (I would have saved it all and had no fun 😂), but I think that sounds like a fantastic use of the money, especially when your dd has already proven how financially sensible she is.

My dear late dad used to do this too. Everytime I use or look at one of his gifts is like having a piece of him with me, there is a pair of earrings in particular that are a good luck charm for me. Trust me, @Middlemarch123 I am sure your kids appreciate it too, now and in the future

OP, your husband is a twat, sorry. You have the most sensible 25-year-old ever, you should be very proud of her, and it seems that your MIL was too.

She is 25 and the money is legally hers to spend however she wants to. No one has to approve!

This daughter has done nothing wrong. But also, she's 25 - why does her father even know how she spent the money? Why is she discussing this with anyone? It's her money - if she wanted to put it on a horse in the 4.30 at Ascot, it's her right to do exactly that. Her parents need to shut up and keep out of her business.

Have you said to your husband that his mum specifically said she was to spend it on fun and, if so, what was his response?

How very insensitive, are you failing to understand that the inheritance comes about as a result of an adored person dying.

My children all received very significant inheritances before any of them had reached adulthood however they would forego all of it without even blinking to have the testator back.

I mean, a peach sapphire, custom made belly button ring doesn’t exactly sound like jewellery that’s going to hold its value.
It does sound like she’s pissed it up the wall a bit…..that’s a very high life she lives for a 25 year old, - like a real housewife or something!
Your husbands just lost his mum, he’s maybe thinking about how long it took her to save the money? He’ll still be grieving.

I am only commenting on OP here no one else’s situation or grief comes into play in my post.

OP is making a lot of comments about a financial angle and it is not a post about bereavement.

Ugh, hate it when people decide to allocate themselves to TEAM X, it sounds so juvenile.

If she had done as you suggested that would have completely contradicted the wishes of the dying woman who left her the money, is that really what you're advocating for?

nothing says "FUN!" like "an HL Active Savings account..."

Then I suspect that’s it. He’s seeing how different their current positions and prospects are in adulthood, and he’s feeling butthurt that his son isn’t in the same position that she is. He may think it was ‘unfair’ that his mother’s assets were split further by her choosing to include your daughter.

Do be aware that his feelings may continue to fester. That’s he’s choosing not to speak to her for no good reason would suggest those emotions already run deeper than you may anticipate.

Sounds like far better things to do for it than save for a wedding as some one suggested above.

She is an adult and free to make her own choices.
She is not financially reliant on anyone else or does not have any debts to pays.
She works and has plenty of time to save for a pension.

Best case scenario is your husband is grieving and lashing out a bit.
Worst case scenario is he is seethingly jealous of your daughter and her life.

She sounds sensible and non dramatic in her response so good for her.

Yes, some people struggle financially and this is an unimaginable stretch for them but I know several people who would spend 20k on a single holiday. People have been different lives.

Not sure about art but 22k24k gold absolutely does. So unless it’s that sort of jewllery not Van Cleef Alhambra or those silly Cartier bracelets then she should be fine.