DH has fallen out with my DD, because of how she spent her money

Sounds like you could do with jewellery, an emerald piece maybe. Green is definitely your colour.

@JHound Nonsense.

How is it nonsense? Go into any business or organisation and please tell me how many of the senior staff or management staff were people who worked hard at school and university.

The answer is very few: they are always average people who are very good with their interpersonal skills, how they lead, and how they control meetings.

The idea that those of us stuck in the middle on average salaries are people who didn't work hard, or weren't intelligent enough, is nonsense. I worked hard and my intelligence is high. But I have shit interpersonal skills and I don't show leadership. That's all it is.

It’s absolutely none of his business what your DD spends her own money on. Once she received that money it was hers to do with as she pleased. It is lovely she carried out the wishes of her stepgrandmother but if she had given it to the cat sanctuary or paid for her boyfriend’s tattoos your DH has no say. Tell him to take his nose out of your child’s money.

Nonsense.

I have seen that poster’s history and it gives incel.

So his issue with an intelligent successful young woman with a bright future ahead of her becomes obvious.

You sound bitter. Nothing suggests OP’s daughter obtained her role through nepotism.

What a nasty little man you are being right now.

Good on her - she’s young.
My 24 yr old has just bought her first apartment, she had an apprenticeship degree which paid her uni fees plus a very good salary.
My 20 yr old was headhunted on his UCAS application form for an apprenticeship degree, and was offered employment full time without going to uni (already very familiar with coding, he taught himself how to code CGI and AI during lockdown). He now earns a 6 figure salary and travels the world, he saves a good portion of his earnings, but he has fun money too!
Your daughter sounds like she has a good balance!

There's not enough info to go off to say the art was an investment. My dad bought a painting off my cousin for a LOT of money. It's worth nothing.

I think your DD sounds a wonderful young woman. She’s not gone on a bender in Ibiza but spent the money on things that bring her joy. Hopefully when she looks at them she thinks of your MIL and the fun times she had. It’s bog all to do with your DH how she spends the money.

And apparently you’re completely out of touch with what OP’s daughter and others like her earn.

Mumsnet isn’t just for ‘the normal (average) person’, it’s also for those from wealthy backgrounds who are as free to post about their own life and experiences as anyone else.

Mumsnet itself was created by privileged’ upper middle/middle class women, and primarily attracted users from the same socioeconomic class. This is still reflected in the demographics of the site, despite the fact that it has become more economically diverse as it’s grown.

Invested In art that she loves, (both “the” art and her snowboard) jewellery (if it’s gold, will hold value) and travel. Fun and pretty sensible, and none if his business. Is he upset he didn't get the money?

Jewellery and a piece of art are things that can be treasured forever.

Would you like some salt for the chip on your shoulder, or have you already seasoned it?

Lol. People don’t get into, and stay at, a magic circle firm based on who they know. Be fucking serious.

You really don't like the fact a young woman is doing well for herself. Very bizarre

A different type of intelligence, which is just as valid.

And not to do with cronyism / nepotism, or whatever else you want to accuse this young woman of benefiting from.

@Algen Or you just weren’t intelligent enough to get that kind of job.

It's not a matter of "intelligence." Getting straight As and a 1st class honours degree is easy for anyone who does the work. I did it and found it easy.

Surely you have enough life experience to know that the people who get the high paying jobs are not the most intelligent people? They are the people who have the best interpersonal skills, who are the best at managing people (both within the organisation and external), and who are the best at controlling meetings. Nothing to do with intelligence as such.

Or you just weren’t intelligent enough to get that kind of job.

Seriously, what is your issue with this young woman who is clearly doing well for herself? If you are dissatisfied with how your life has turned out, do something to change it,

@Gianam All I’m going to say is you are underestimating how much a young person who’s doing their training contract at a magic circle firm in her second year is making, and how much that will jump by in less than a year too!

Must be nice being privileged. That would never have been possible for me, because I don't benefit from nepotism or cronyism.

@nomas I totally get that. I’m from a working class background,

Almost everyone is from a working class background...

our school’s career coach never even told us about graduate schemes, let alone that the best graduates could command high salaries. He had zero aspirations for us students.

Our school didn't have careers advice.

Not so unusual that it merited your snide insinuation that the OP's daughter was earning her money in an inappropriate way.

Even our grad scheme in the public sector pays close to £37k and we've got a couple of 25 YOs on close to £60k because they've passed the criteria for that grade and we're on buttons compared to law and finance.

So I find it rather bizarre that people think they can confidently argue that a random 25 YO couldn't possibly save a certain amount of money each year based on irrelevant salary data.

You declared it impossible for OP's daugter to earn more than £37k but OP responded directly to you to say:

'All I’m going to say is you are underestimating how much a young person who’s doing their training contract at a magic circle firm in her second year is making, and how much that will jump by in less than a year too!'

Therefore, it's obvious that OP's daughter's salary far exceeds £37k and as she is mortgage free, she is able to save a significant amount each month.

I totally get that. I’m from a working class background, our school’s career coach never even told us about graduate schemes, let alone that the best graduates could command high salaries. He had zero aspirations for us students.

@nomas Even outside of law firms, many graduates can command £40k starting salaries. DH just hired a second jobber on £45k.

Those salaries for graduates would be very unusual. Obviously, 21 year olds aren't coming out of university to earn £40k; otherwise the average salary nationwide wouldn't be £37k.

I think mumsnet in general is completely out of touch with what normal people earn (and when I say normal people, I'm including people who are highly educated and who work in professional fields).

The ins and outs of what she did with the money isn’t really the key issue here. I happen to agree that it’s her money to spend as she wishes. You, and or your DH can agree or disagree, but she’s an adult so her choice.

His saying he’s not talking to her is the real issue. As others have said, it’s abusive behaviour, often used as a coercive tactic.

Is it a one off, or has he done anything similar before? If he is so grief stricken that his behaviour is completely out of character then hopefully he’ll come to his senses. If it’s been a thing before, then you might want to think about that.