DH has fallen out with my DD, because of how she spent her money

Except this doesn’t seem to apply to OP’s DD at all, does it? Given that she’s saved at least £20k just in 2025. She’s also debt free, owns her home outright, and is already a high earner on a career path that will see her wage continue increase.

The inheritance was given to her to be fun money, so that’s how she’s treating it. She’s fine.

There is a deeper resentment at work here. I suspect you need some further conversations about why her choices, and why they are bothering him. It might turn out to be resentment that she has had it too easy etc. Or it might be that he didn’t feel as loved or respected by his late mother - or a lack of ‘fun’ in his own life.

You seem to have responded to the wrong comment.

This!

I am autistic with a PDA profile. If my awful teenage self can grow and learn interpersonal skills.... anyone can. The lack of self awareness or accountability from the poster you quoted is likely the main issue!

I had a similar response from my sister when I had been instructed to do the same...
I bought a ridiculous, small, retro caravan and a big old SUV to tow it with, and a mulberry bayswater handbag.

Over 15 years later we're still having 8 or more holidays a year in the caravan, and my daughter who is now 2 is obsessed with it. Having it has created so many incredible experiences and memories, and allowed me to gain skills and protect my mental wellbeing to boot.
I also still use the handbag every day, and it makes me smile and remember playing dress up with said relatives handbags and heels as a kid.

I didnt own a house when I was left the money either...

Absolutely no regrets. Your DH is struggling with how unfair the loss of a loved one is, more than the items bought, which sound fabulous.

I’ve watched an idiot burn through 10s of thousands on pet bills, high earner. Two high risk pets (damn poor breeders) and no insurance. She had to go to her parents to help. So no, they aren’t always fine at 25, no life experience and money to burn.

This is utter nonsense, sorry. Of course you can work on your own ability to present well! Frankly, saying it’s not doable says a lot about you and why you haven’t progressed. Very ‘woe is me’.

Your daughter did exactly right in how she spent her money.

“DD has already maxed her ISA allowance for this year so she’s not lacking savings.”

Don't worry. She can save.

Inheritance allowed her to buy outright a London property with £600 a month service charges. Private schools, public schools. 20K inheritance for ‘fun’. Spending thousands on an unknown artist friends work on a snowboard…

All sounds incredibly privileged. And there’s no denying that. Perhaps DH was hoping to see some value from her, with the money that wouldn’t purchase a London property outright, but got a peach sapphire belly button bar instead, I can see the frustration tbh. Not really had to work for anything to get set up, would hope maybe she’d keep some money aside for emergencies. Salary means nothing if she’s simply never learned to save.

@ThatCalmFinch Wow how did this thread disintegrate into who's the biggest dick swinging arsehole in a meeting?

That clearly wasn't what I was saying.

But on the basis that indeed this thread went off track, I will stop replying to this thread as of now.

By shuggles being a jealous ignoramus

Of course you can work on them!

Wow how did this thread disintegrate into who's the biggest dick swinging arsehole in a meeting? @shuggles don't be that person. OP I think your DD made the right call and as the money was left to her its her choice even if your DH doesn't like it.

@Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim You might be book smart but you don’t have emotional intelligence.

That's my point. The idea that people who don't have high paying jobs do not work hard, or don't have intelligence, is nonsense.

You then can’t be mad that people don’t want to work with someone who is clearly obstreperous.

"Obstreperous" is literally the opposite of me. Among people who know me, the one thing that they complain about the most is that I say very little.

No I don’t think “how people control meetings” defines how successful one is at one’s role.

You might be book smart but you don’t have emotional intelligence.
That’s ok. Like academic intelligence, it can be worked on and improved but it takes willing if you aren’t naturally gifted with it.

You are choosing not to do that.

You then can’t be mad that people don’t want to work with someone who is clearly obstreperous.

@JHound Pure nonsense.

I would be willing to be that my academic credentials and intelligence surpass yours. I know from first-hand experience what I am talking about.

”How they control meetings” dude - have a word with yourself. You are being ridiculous.

You seriously don't think that being able to lead a meeting is an important attribute to have? I would struggle to think of a job in which that's not an important attribute.

Pure nonsense.

”How they control meetings” dude - have a word with yourself. You are being ridiculous.

@Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim You can definitely work on interpersonal skills. You choosing not to has more than likely impacted your success.

As I explained, these are ingrained personality traits. They can't be changed.

My interpersonal skills are also affected by a medical issue, so there's that too.

You can definitely work on interpersonal skills.
You choosing not to has more than likely impacted your success.
That's not the fault of OP’s daughter.

@MonGrainDeSel Interpersonal skills are vital in almost all jobs and generally unrelated to your rather unpleasant previous assertion of nepotism.

I know for a fact that I would have gotten previous jobs that I wanted if I had been closer to that particular group in university and been part of their crowd. Cronyism is a real thing.

Perhaps you should work on those important interpersonal skills

You can't work on them. You either have them or you don't. Some people are naturally charming and sociable. Other people are not.

Telling someone to just have good interpersonal skills is like telling someone to be good looking. You either have it or you don't. You can't modify it.

Yeah you’re looking at around £60k then £100k plus when qualified. Think she can afford to have had a little fun with her inheritance.

wondering what the OP’s DH is hoping to achieve by the silent treatment- it’s not like she’s going to return everything she has bought. Quite frankly she could have blown it all on a wild night out and there is absolutely nothing he could have done about it. It sounds like his mum would be horrified at his behaviour, not the daughters spending.

Interpersonal skills are vital in almost all jobs and generally unrelated to your rather unpleasant previous assertion of nepotism. Perhaps you should work on those important interpersonal skills instead of running down people who do have them?

I don't wear jewellery.