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Original poster

What do you set your heating at?

215 replies

amibeingaknob · 13/10/2025 15:16

Please settle an argument with me and my mother.

What do you set your heating at? Is it different in the day and the night?

Just trying to gauge what the 'norm' is here. We are South East (not that that makes any difference - temp is temp).

For me - 20 in the day, 17 at night. My boyfriend (who lives with me) is 22 day, 19 night so its gone up - I wouldn't want him feeling the cold.

My mother thinks a house that is 14 is perfectly reasonable, and not on at all at night. She rarely puts in on. This worries me desperately as father has had pneumonia and they are in their mid 70s. She is convinced I, and 'my generation' are wussies, and heating is bad for you, and they are normal and I 'feel the cold more than most'.

I guess I want to prove to her that that last line is inaccurate, and she puts her bloody heating on this winter, as I am super anxious about their health (particularly my dad). On a selfish note, I loathe going round there as I sit shivering, whilst being given a blanket and told 'oh dear, you do feel the cold don't you'. Like Im some sort of alien. The offer of heating is never there, and when it is put on, it is with much complaint, and mum performance huffing and fanning of brow. Ugh. Drives me nuts.

OP posts:
BadgernTheGarden · 13/10/2025 17:15

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 13/10/2025 15:30

22 from 06.30 until 10.30. in a well insulated house.
I'm , err.., senior and hate being cold .

Yep, did my bit of being cold with a house with no heating apart from a coal fire in one room, no double glazing and frost on the insides of the windows in winter. I don't understand older people who don't rejoice in being able to be warm these days.

lazyarse123 · 13/10/2025 17:10

Your mum is putting your dads health at risk. Not much you can do except not visit and tell her why. I am 67 and dh is 71. Ours is on now because we felt cold and the thermostat said 18 but it felt colder. We don't really go by temperatures just how we feel.
We don't have it on at night but whoever gets up first puts it on. With health issues I would leave it on.

MrsLeonFarrell · 13/10/2025 17:10

16 -18 during the day, off overnight, although it kicks in automatically at 6.

BrumCurryHouse · 13/10/2025 17:10

I can understand why you’re so worried, OP. I would be too.

Heating at 19 for a couple of hours in the morning and evening at the moment. When it gets colder, heating is on all day (with radiators off upstairs during the day) as we all work from home. On at 20/20.5 when it’s really cold. Off overnight.

FuzzyPuffling · 13/10/2025 17:08

amibeingaknob · 13/10/2025 17:00

You also believe that the temp guidelines for the elderly especially with lung issues is wrong? Can you elaborate? Im not being difficult I genuinely want to understand how someone could see this as reasonable.

Show quote history

I'm not necessarily disputing the temp guidelines. But they are guidelines.

Your parents are happier at a lower temperature.

Your dad seems to have recovered from his pneumonia.
You seem determined to undermine their autonomy, for reasons you think fit, but they do not. They seem to have capacity.

I think you are in danger of alienating them if you persist.

GAJLY · 13/10/2025 17:08

It's left on 17 always. I don't understand why you'd need to turn it up for night time in bed?! Surely the duvet and fleece pyjamas make you feel warm enough?

Favouritefruits · 13/10/2025 17:03

18 during the day and 15 at night

AdvertisementStuff · 13/10/2025 17:01

Have give so basically it’s on all the time. Set at 20 during the day downstairs and off upstairs and then off downstairs during the night and comes on an hour before we get up. Unless during the baby getting up phase then whole house is 20 24/7. Upstairs overnight is 19.

We actually use less heat than the traditional on for 3hours in the morning and at night.

Had relatives like yours and visiting them was horrible. Had to take clothes to wear. Just leave them to it and tell them you won’t visit .

I do open all the windows for10mins each day to zap the house and then put the heating on

Original poster
amibeingaknob · 13/10/2025 17:01

And yes my mum is very happy. Thats not my concern. My concern is my dads health. My mums happiness does not trump that.

OP posts:
Original poster
amibeingaknob · 13/10/2025 17:00

FuzzyPuffling · 13/10/2025 16:51

I think that's an extremely fair assessment. Your mum's happy. Leave them be.

Show quote history

You also believe that the temp guidelines for the elderly especially with lung issues is wrong? Can you elaborate? Im not being difficult I genuinely want to understand how someone could see this as reasonable.

OP posts:
thisishowloween · 13/10/2025 16:55

amibeingaknob · 13/10/2025 16:41

Its nothing to do with money. They are loaded.

Mum says its because heating makes her ill and its generational and the guidelines are nonsense.

If you don't think your parents are capable of caring for themselves and living independently then you need to speak to social services.

FuzzyPuffling · 13/10/2025 16:54

amibeingaknob · 13/10/2025 16:47

Last year he was recovering from pneumonia for over 6 weeks in a bedroom with no heating and windows open. Yes he's a grown up but hes my dad!

But he recovered.
I'm also a huge fan of open windows unless the rain is actually blowing in.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 13/10/2025 16:53

Ive not put my heating on yet either and thermostat says 18 in my living room...Im in a terrace and my house doesnt get too cold...I am feeling chilly in the evenings so i get under my heated throw.

FuzzyPuffling · 13/10/2025 16:51

amibeingaknob · 13/10/2025 16:41

Its nothing to do with money. They are loaded.

Mum says its because heating makes her ill and its generational and the guidelines are nonsense.

I think that's an extremely fair assessment. Your mum's happy. Leave them be.

ShesTheAlbatross · 13/10/2025 16:51

18/19 during the day, off completely overnight (well, I think it’s set to come on if it goes below 7 degrees, but it never has)

Original poster
amibeingaknob · 13/10/2025 16:47

Last year he was recovering from pneumonia for over 6 weeks in a bedroom with no heating and windows open. Yes he's a grown up but hes my dad!

OP posts:
Original poster
amibeingaknob · 13/10/2025 16:45

FuzzyPuffling · 13/10/2025 16:37

I am an " old person" and no, I don't want to be told how to live my life by my children. Just as I didn't send my daughters a load of leaflets when they had their children ( to use your example).
We are all grown ups. We get to make our own decisions.

You haven't mentioned money yet. If you're so worried, have you offered to take over their utility bills?

Ok, so Im interested. Given my mother likes to regularly tell me how worried she is about my dad and this year given how ill he was last year and subsequent years, I should just nod along?

Im not going to. Ive actually said that Ive said my bit about the heating, they've chosen to ignore, but I don't want to hear about how worried she is. I think that is fair.

Like an asthmatic family member who is getting severely ill expressing worry only for them to keep smoking.

I appreciate I probably sound impatient and angry and frustrated. Cos I am.

All so preventable.

OP posts:
Shryykjrg · 13/10/2025 16:43

The last few years when ours has been on it’s been on at 19 degrees from 5-8pm. Like I said on another thread though our house does hold the heat quite well and we sometimes pop it on for another hour if it’s feeling chilly. I’m rushing around so much in the mornings that although it sometimes feels cold to get out of bed, once I’m up I don’t feel like we need heating on.

Original poster
amibeingaknob · 13/10/2025 16:41

Its nothing to do with money. They are loaded.

Mum says its because heating makes her ill and its generational and the guidelines are nonsense.

OP posts:
FuzzyPuffling · 13/10/2025 16:37

I am an " old person" and no, I don't want to be told how to live my life by my children. Just as I didn't send my daughters a load of leaflets when they had their children ( to use your example).
We are all grown ups. We get to make our own decisions.

You haven't mentioned money yet. If you're so worried, have you offered to take over their utility bills?

Original poster
amibeingaknob · 13/10/2025 16:33

FuzzyPuffling · 13/10/2025 16:21

I'd be really angry if you sent me a load of links like this too.
They are allowed to make their own decisions. It isn't up to you.
Society patronises and infantilises older people and you're adding to it. Maybe put an extra jumper on when you go and visit.

Show quote history

So if my dad dies this year from pneumonia and they have both gone on and on about how ill he was/is, how worried they are, YET their house is icey cold on every visit in winter, and I know they sleep with windows open too, then I should shut my mouth? If he dies and I said nothing I hold no responsibility in that? I dont want to be catasphrosing but that is a very real possibility. Would you not say that if your daughter had a baby and the house was freezing??

Old people and young people need more warmth. People with recurrent pneumonia and weak lungs need more warmth. These are facts. Nothing patronising about it. What is patronising, i feel, is to be told by my mother than I am the weird one/the wussy for being cold in her house. When I visit I am in very warm clothes and I keep my coat on the entire visit. I am still bloody freezing. Its literally warmer outside tbh. I would never treat a guest that way.

OP posts:
Flossflower · 13/10/2025 16:24

It comes on an hour before I get up and goes off as I go to bed. I keep it on about 23 degrees. If it is very cold I might run it for a couple more hours after bedtime, but usually the house stays quite warm. I am a chilly person.

PirateDays · 13/10/2025 16:23

FuzzyPuffling · 13/10/2025 16:21

I'd be really angry if you sent me a load of links like this too.
They are allowed to make their own decisions. It isn't up to you.
Society patronises and infantilises older people and you're adding to it. Maybe put an extra jumper on when you go and visit.

Show quote history

I don't think it's patronising, people genuinely might not know that living in constant low temperatures/cold air can actually impact health, even with jumpers etc on.

I didn't know until I had a baby.

FuzzyPuffling · 13/10/2025 16:21

amibeingaknob · 13/10/2025 16:00

Yes on the coast. Their thermostat said 14 yesterday morning.

I sent them links from Age Concern, NHS, links about pneumonia etc. They got very angry and said it was nonsense and they know what they are doing. I offered to get that thermometer but, again, they dispute the advised temp.

I can't really do anything can I?

The only thing I can do is not go round there when its cold. I don't see why I should be subjected to it.

Show quote history

I'd be really angry if you sent me a load of links like this too.
They are allowed to make their own decisions. It isn't up to you.
Society patronises and infantilises older people and you're adding to it. Maybe put an extra jumper on when you go and visit.

PirateDays · 13/10/2025 16:20

Not on at all at night.

18 in the day, although I think about 20 would be ideal but we only have electric radiators and if I were to set them at 20 they would stay on full blast constantly as the heat just doesn't stay. 18 warms the room enough and means they're not on full constantly.