AIBU? Partner’s mum bought his ex a gift

She bought the mother of her grandchild a gift.

Your partner's ex will always be his child's mother. She will always be the mother of your potential future MIL's grandchild. She won't stop existing.

Ps please don’t be so sure you have the full story from your boyfriend, that sounds like such a trope

This is your insecurity speaking. She will always be in all their lives. Your ‘mil’ will always respect and want to have a decent relationship with the mother of her grandchild. She is wanted to keep bridges open etc.
if you can’t handle this then reconsider dating a man with children. If you put pressure of any of them to have worse relationships with each other then you will natively impact a child’s life.

Sucking up? Didn't we all leave words like that when we reached 13?

It's hard enough being the MIL grandmother even when the couple are together. It must be terrifyingly fragile to be the grandparent to the child of an ex-DIL.

It's not 'sucking up' to do everything you can to preserve the relationship with the DIL and your grandchild.

She's doing it for her grand child, don't be petty FGS.

You are with her son , and if you like , he is the prize .
A mug ( with biscuits ) over a tea towel , is just that .
If it's any consolation , been married over 20 years , my mil has never bought me anything back from her holidays .

Yeah obviously it's weird, her loyalty should be to her son. Maybe she's sucking up to her so she doesn't cause a fuss about seeing the grandchild.

Her relationship with the ex is none of your business

well I’ll go against the grain slightly.

it’s not so much about your relationship, or even the ex’s relationship with the in laws.

what are your partners feelings?

my in laws were similar. Went above and beyond for ex.

she’d cheated on him, left him with nothing, and moved her OM into his house. And yes, I know this for a fact because the in laws admit it and the timescales fit. Plus I’ve seen the court docs.

dh couldn’t bear going to their house and finding his ex having a cup of tea, or hearing about the nice days out they’d had, or what a lovely guy the OM was, or the work they’ve had done on his house. His parents went behind is back and agreed to having the children without telling him, meaning he got to see his children less.

the ex encouraged them because she could then present herself as a good person and him as an awful ex, because why else would his parents take her side.

however I have never got involved. Yes I’m pissed off at the way dh has been treated but it’s his parents choice. I’m pissed off on Dh’s behalf that it’s affecting his relationship with his kids and he is seen as some sort of last resort babysitter and bank, and that he lost his house and the life he built and no one cares. I don’t have a relationship with his parents and that’s fine by me. I support dh.

It’s annoying but not wrong.She has a grandchild from this woman so keeping things amicable is the right thing to do.The child growing up will benefit from his grandmother in his life
on this occasion let it go but this is the territory you face when children are involved in previous relationships

Yabu. It’s none of your business either

This is fine. That’s her grandchild and her grandchild’s mum, regardless of whether your DP split from her. Yabu sorry.

Thoughts are it's none of your business. And you'll be happier not trying to control her relationships
Maybe she wants to show appreciation to the mother of her gc. Seriously, you shouldn't have mentioned this.

Can’t imagine a world in which I cared who my MIL bought a mug and biscuits for. I’d probably be more annoyed at having to house a souvenir tea towel!

I see red flags here OP, but they are not about your DP, his Mum or his ex.

12 months and you've already moved in together... How long ago did they split up if the child is really young? My children are teenagers now but if my mum went on holiday and picked something up for my ex-husband, no one would think anything of it. I am glad my parents and ex husband consider each other. Without this lady, your partner would t have a child and others are right, it's a considerate thing to do for someone whose going to be in their life for a long, long time. You only get his side of the family's experience,not hers. I doubt your boyfriend was entirely innocent and got it right all the time.

You’d be shooting yourself in the foot to say a single thing about this. Your possible-future MIL is, I’m sure, well aware that it is in her best interests to stay on good terms with the mother of her grandchild. Plus she may well have had a good relationship with the ex, separate from the issues she had with your now-partner. You weren’t there and don’t know the ins and outs of the relationship your boyfriend had with his ex, and it’s best to stay out of it!

The kid yes. The ex no. And there was a language barrier so they couldn’t even communicate and didn’t until I came along 🤣🤣

No it isn’t old life, their child is small it’s still very much current life.

My MIL used to do this for my step sons mum, used to annoy me I understood it was for him to see not really about the mum.

Na I’m with you, it’s frustrating as fuck. That’s the old life, this is the new life. My exs mum did this to me and asked me to pass the gifts to her.

I politely told her that whilst you like her, I don’t. I’d appreciate if she kept her relationship with her separate and doesn’t involve me and I certainly wouldn’t be passing on the gift. I reminded her we have totally different experiences of the same woman. Keep the present separate from the past please as frankly you asking me to pass on her gifts when we don’t get on is disrespectful to me.

Sounds like something my auntie would do.
She looks after her grandson, and is still
a shoulder to cry on her son’s ex-wife.
She went through a shocking divorce herself.