ND child, mother in laws opinions

No you don't. Children get DLA. Not adults. I mean he might be autistic - I have colleagues who have a diagnosis of ASD and who manage humour and social situations well as far as they do but I don't see what happens in other settings because they are used to us all.

I have a 30 year colleague who says is autistic and has DLA ...he works full time also and has a driving license, speaks with no issues to all of us, makes a lot of sense, has physical and manual labour skills and is very funny and gets social cues much better than many other men I work with

I did, and my mil thinks he's just in a phase or perfectly normal. She's the incredibly nice version of OPs mother in law.
If you want to act suspicious go and read the criteria first.

This times a million.

Oh the comments. It's family money. Who says the disability isn't to do with the fridge? And even if it isn't I'm sure you've spent X from wages on ds.

No they don't!

No more than, say, if I buy my daughter a picture then I get to say where she puts it.
Ridiculous!

BUT if the ILs are acting as if they have a right to criticise how OP and DH use their money, then, yes they might be better getting their own place and paying market rent.

Would it be helpful if MIL had a chat with HV?

OP don't let all these 'the DLA is for the kids' comments drive you to panic about the expenditure of your DLA.

One, they are never going to come and ask for a break down, thats not how DLA works. It would only be in a case where social are involved and you aren't providing for them which is clearly not going to happen cos you sound like good parents.

Two, it doesn't need to 'sit in an account' the DLA is to compensate for all the other costs of having a disabled child. That's wear and tear of the house, if they are still in nappies when older, the cost of having an extra person because it takes two of you, the cost of specific foods, baby monitors, more expensive holidays that meet needs etc not just medical equipment! It's also to do with loss of earnings.

Have you told your UC you get DLA now as that could increase your payments (and either way they need to know)

Don't let husband slump off to MIL when you have an argument, thats why she feels involved and its understandable that she is going to feel disgruntled in some way about that especially as 'her baby' is going to come home and tell HIS side of the argument. Parents struggle to be objective. Adults stay in their homes and deal with it.

It would be quite difficult have nothing to do with your in laws- you rent a house from them, and your DH clearly spends quite a lot of time with them, and obviously has a close relationship with his mother -otherwise he would never have revealed such private things about your finances.
I suggest you have a talk to your MIL and tell her gently but frankly that you are not comfortable with her criticism of your parenting or how you organise your finances- these are private matters between you and your DH. Suggest she stops commenting, and if you get any push back you will have to look for somewhere else to live- this kind of interference in your private life is unacceptable, either you MIL accepts that, or you go minimum contact.

I'm so happy to hear that your boy is doing so well, & the rest of you are at peace. Thank you for your best wishes. 🙏

DLA very often subsides a families lost income due to one or both parents unable to work due to the care needs/ lack of appropriate school places/ lack of social care support. People on her commenting about how it should be spent will be people who have no clue as they have never been in that position.

Do you not think the child will benefit by having a working fridge in the home? Or a less cluttered home by skipping stuff? Or do you think the child should have their own fridge and no other family members are allowed to use it?
That family are taxpayers too.

But you can't specifically say where the money for the fridge freezer came from. The DLA money would have been put in OP's bank account, together with any earnings and UC. She may well have spent all, or most of the DLA on items/services etc related to DC's disability, and that then left some of her own money in the bank which she used to purchase a fridge freezer.

People tend to forget/not understand how much more expensive life is if you are disabled or have a disabled child.

So if you needed a new fridge freezer you would go without to the detriment of your whole family including your child with SEN and leave the money in the bank for a hypothetical future need?

Sorry but I don’t believe you.

i wouldn’t be spending this money on this type of thing, if he doesn’t need anything now put to one side for when he does

Thank you….have been thinking the same. People are so judgemental.

Wow…you do not know why they got a new fridge/freezer. If the old one had had it, surly it’s a family need. They don’t sound has if they are rolling in it by renting from in-laws, and who’s bragging about shiny new things. It amazes me how judgmental people are on here.

You BOUGHT a new fridge/freezer. You didn’t brought it.

My DD gets DLA too and I wouldn’t dream of spending it on a fridge/freezer! It gets spent on her and her needs!

A new mantra for you OP

“Well it might look like that to them, but they’re wrong.”

Accompanied by a shrug of the shoulders and a what can you do face.

How is it wasting taxpayers funds if they needed a new fridge? Presumably they have been meeting their DSs needs from their income so what difference does it make if they bought a fridge? Should they have gone without? Maybe not having a working fridge might have made them sick? Presumably, since they both work, they also pay tax. But feckless scroungers eh? And working in the NHS. Shame on them.

Christ, there are some dreadful people posting on this.
Well, all bad things to 'em, I say - then they can show us how it's done 😈

I can't fathom why people on here have the cheek to say that the DLA money shouldn't be spent on a fridge-freezer. If the old one was in a bad way/energy gobbling/not big enough then of course it's to do with your son. He presumably eats 25% of the food in it ! Why are we presuming it's the DLA money as opposed to other money in their accounts tht was used for the ff and the skip.

My mum in law (ex now) was very dismissive and wouldn’t accept my son was clearly autistic. I was just labelled as neurotic. Anyway he has an official diagnosis of autism and a learning disability. He goes to a special needs school. It took a long time to get his official diagnosis so for years they wouldn’t listen but luckily saw him rarely (he didn’t want to see them much as they don’t know how to handle a Sen child) once he got his diagnosis they are accepting of it. No apology for labelling me neurotic. It used to bother me but years down the line I’m a staunch advocate for my son and won’t take any nonsense from anyone regarding him. Defend yourself to the hilt. Be “that mum” don’t tolerate anyone refusing to acknowledge your son’s struggles and his diagnoses. And tell her to mind her business of to eff off. Being a sen parent is hard enough as it it-you don’t need opinionated twits to deal with too. Also your finances are absolutely nothing to do with her.

Won't the child benefit from them having a functioning fridge freezer? The OP's H didn't that's how they got it just that they were getting it.
Frankly, yours is the kind of scattergun vacuous comment one hears from tightwad exes who don't want to support their kids. You & my ex would get on a treat!

Yes, think about moving but wait till you've got more info about your son's needs to help with finding the right kind of place.

You could really do with OT advice for your son. You might be best advised to aim for a large, securable garden or for a quieter area etc.

You also need to think through school options and understand when to move in the EHCP Assessment process (generally before you start it or once you've submitted an appeal to the Tribunal about the EHCP content).

Look at local eligiblity criteria for housing association properties - I doubt you'll get far with this but it should be checked.

Moving costs money, it doesn't sound like an emergency so I'd hang on where you are till you know where you want to move to.