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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being delusional?

33 replies

Karlaken · 13/10/2025 04:54

Hooked up with a guy out of state about a month ago. Since then we’ve communicated off and on but nothings been consistent except for the couple days right after intimacy. He’ll randomly call and text me. We don’t follow each other on socials but he’ll type my name in on social media and view all my stories and interact with them almost everyday. Nothings been talked about as far as where we stand. Sometimes I’ll get bored and reach out send him funny memes, he always replies. He recently called me and we spent 5 hours on the phone, just chatting and laughing. He suggested that I come with him on a work trip at the end of the month, free of all expenses. I told him I’ll think about it? I just find it weird, why would I go on your work trip with you when we only talk sometimes ? We don’t live in the same state, yet stuff is confusing lol ? He claimed that we both had a lot of chemistry when we met. I am eventually moving to where he lives by the end of the year, it been my dream state for awhile. So no this has nothing to do with him.

is it normal for me to wonder or even reminisce on that night we spent together? Sometimes I think I maybe caught some feelings but I feel like that’s delusional. Sometimes I do feel like I’m being used as a filler or a woman he’s unsure about yet wants to keep in his roaster ?

OP posts:
Wainscot · 13/10/2025 07:03

Karlaken · 13/10/2025 06:52

I want a relationship. I’m 25 so I want someone I can settle down with. Yes I would like to see him again, yet I don’t want someone who’s unsure about me or sees me as a casual fling

Then you need to start paying attention to what you actually value in people and what type of relationship you want. Randomly having sex with someone who lives a long way away or wondering why some other guy you just met unfollowed you on SM aren’t likely to lead to a relationship, if that’s what you want.

DarkForces · 13/10/2025 07:00

Personally id go on the work trip, have a lot of sex and not focus on anything but getting to know each other and having fun. If it's meant to be it'll happen in its own time. As my dd says, chill yo beanz , which I think means relax, slow down and go with the flow. (Or possibly that she hates me. She's a teen and my mere existence is a source of distress for her).

ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/10/2025 06:55

Karlaken · 13/10/2025 06:52

I want a relationship. I’m 25 so I want someone I can settle down with. Yes I would like to see him again, yet I don’t want someone who’s unsure about me or sees me as a casual fling

Well currently you are a casual fling, nobody can predict the future. Either go with it and give it a try or don’t, it’s up to you. Stop over thinking it

Karlaken · 13/10/2025 06:52

Wainscot · 13/10/2025 06:38

@Karlaken, I mean this kindly, but I think you should stop having sex with people or even flirting on a night out — it seems to put you into an endless cycle of ‘Why did he do that?’-type rumination.

And the thing that is strikingly missing from all your threads is any sense of what you want. Do you want to see this man again or not?

I want a relationship. I’m 25 so I want someone I can settle down with. Yes I would like to see him again, yet I don’t want someone who’s unsure about me or sees me as a casual fling

OP posts:
Wainscot · 13/10/2025 06:38

@Karlaken, I mean this kindly, but I think you should stop having sex with people or even flirting on a night out — it seems to put you into an endless cycle of ‘Why did he do that?’-type rumination.

And the thing that is strikingly missing from all your threads is any sense of what you want. Do you want to see this man again or not?

PollyBell · 13/10/2025 06:01

Is this the same bloke as before or a different one?

wildeflowers · 13/10/2025 06:00

I don’t think there’s anything so dramatic as delusions or possible heartbreak happening. You both had a good time, stayed in touch, he wants to see you again. Just see where it goes. Maybe it’s just a fling, maybe more. There’s no way to know but be patient and find out. If you’re worried about it, just go on some dates locally to get your mind off of him in the meantime.

Oneo · 13/10/2025 05:06

You quite clearly "caught feelings" based on the fact that you're still giving this so much headspace a month later. I don't think that makes you delusional but I do think you're likely to end up hurt.

It doesn't sound like he wants a relationship with you, if that's what you're looking for. He seems to have you pinned as someone he can see casually. If that's not what you want then I'd suggest you stop contact and move on to someone who wants the same things you do.