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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think is kinda rude of a friend to arrangement something to just ask us if we can host it?

109 replies

Meowmeowgirl · 12/10/2025 23:22

lets call our guy friend «nick»

So me and my SO are the first people in our group to have our own place while nick and jenny still lives with their parents, so we host some parties trough the years like 7-8 parties in a year when we feel like it. So one friend in our group «nick» asked me if ive seen that or that movie trough chat and i said yea long ago and then he said «jenny apperently haven’t seen that movie so i was considering about setting a movie night a day and i can make pizza!», jenny is my friend and our nicks friend. And me and my SO tought «oh how nice to be invited to movie night and some good pizza!». So i replied with «that sounds nice! Me and SO can bring some snacks!» until he replied with..

« i was thinking about asking if you and henry «my So» can have it at your place, we can have some alcohol, some good food and some snacks» i was a bit shocked since i tought he was telling us he was hosting a movie night at his place. I prob know he didn’t mean it in a bad way but i tought it was a bit weird, epsecially since he worded with «i considered about setting a movie night» like in my head this means «hey im having a movie night with pizza at my place! You guys in!?» not «hey im gonna host something at your place! You in?» our home is not a local that can be booked, i tought it was kinda cheeky. Because we be the ones clenaing dishes and all of that in the end. I think he was a bit bad with his wording, i haven’t replied yet, my So also tought that he was inviting us over. We where interested until we where expected to host.

OP posts:
MayaPinion · 13/10/2025 08:23

sorrynotathome · 13/10/2025 06:34

I voted YABU because the OP just cannot be arsed to construct an actual English sentence. Even the title makes no sense. I find it tiring to read this nonsense.

Show quote history

People might not construct a sentence in traditional queen’s English for a number of reasons including dyslexia, English as a second or third language, or they didn’t benefit from your education. If you can follow the post feel free to reply with something useful or supportive. If not, move on - this isn’t the post for you. Stop insulting the OP and trying to derail the thread with snark. It’s not needed or wanted.

OP, can you reply ‘We’re always hosting people, Bob. Can we come round to yours instead? We’ll bring snacks and wine.’

Wadadli · 13/10/2025 08:00

Isittimeformynapyet · 13/10/2025 00:51

If he hasn't got his own place did you tink he was inviting you to his parents house? Have you had evenings over there before?

Tbh, it sounds as though you enjoy hosting - I do, and I'd probably say "ok, but I need it in writing that you two will clean up the kitchen as you'll effectively be borrowing our place to host your own event. Deal?"

But you might not want to do that.

GTF! 😶

YourWildAmberSloth · 13/10/2025 07:41

It isn't this complicated OP, the other stuff that you're trying to figure out doesn't matter. Just message back using one of the many suggestions on this thread, saying 'no' and then move on with your day.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 13/10/2025 07:39

I would say 'sorry I thought you were hosting as your invite? If not no worries we will catch up some other time. Or else this will be the way of it every time they have any to socialise.

MeridianB · 13/10/2025 07:29

Sorry if I’ve missed but how old are they?

No way should you be hosting or made to feel as if this is something you should do. Just say no and stick to it. Don’t feel bad. It’s very odd.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/10/2025 07:27

Absolute CF, especially the way he tried to manipulate you into it.

There’s more to hosting than making food. Depends what your house is like normally but for us, cleaning and tidying before and after too. We commit time to that when we’ve chosen to do so. Not at someone else’s whim.

So I’d be straightforward with him. Say ‘oh I thought you were inviting us to yours. We won’t be able to host for you, no.’

gamerchick · 13/10/2025 07:24

It's not really that deep OP. Tell him it doesn't work for you having it at your place and you hope he gets sorted.

Irenesortof · 13/10/2025 07:24

He didn’t word it well but don’t fall out over it! You could say OK if you promise to do the washing up. Or you could say Oh, I thought you were hosting- could you ask your parents this time and have it at your place? It would be nice to meet somewhere different.

Faithless12 · 13/10/2025 07:17

Whoops missed @sorrynotathome post.

Faithless12 · 13/10/2025 07:16

sesquipedalian · 13/10/2025 04:41

I’m astonished that 22% of people think YBU. Your friends are well out of order - if they want to host a film and pizza evening at your house, then they make it absolutely plain from the outset, and don’t lead you to think they are hosting, so you say, “great idea” and then let you know it’s supposed to be happening at your house. We all know that whoever hosts somehow ends up providing stuff and paying for it, even if they say they’ll be bringing/ordering in everything. I think it’s outrageously cheeky - if I were you, OP, I’d simply say no, and say that you host your friends for your parties and were looking forward to going out somewhere else. If you let this start, there will be no end to it.

Tbh I’m not. I’m surprised the grammar police haven’t been on the thread already.

GAJLY · 13/10/2025 07:12

Yes it's cheeky! I would have thought the same thing! I'd reply, "Sorry but I don't feel like hosting. There's a big effort in hosting like pre cleaning, shopping for food/snacks/drinks and washing up afterwards.I will definitely let you know whenever we fancy hosting."

AhWeNoss · 13/10/2025 07:02

I get it, it does feel cheeky.

We had some new friends round for a BBQ in the summer, where we bought the food and drink (happy to, we like hosting), and over the next couple months they reached out again asking if we were free on the weekend for them to come round again. It felt really entitled, as though our house was this place to chill out at.

You’ve had some good examples of what to respond, so do that and maybe step away from hosting for a while.

PrancingBean · 13/10/2025 06:59

I don’t think it’s rude at all to ask for things. Equally, I don’t think it would be rude of you to say no.

MushroomPuff · 13/10/2025 06:56

I wouldn’t have a problem with this. It’s not like you’ve been averse to hosting in the past. It’s lovely to have a friend who things they know you well enough to ask something like this.

Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 06:43

@sorrynotathome sorry not sorry english is not my first language, so you do you

OP posts:
MyDeftDuck · 13/10/2025 06:40

You really need to be firm and tell ‘Nick’ that you’ve done so much hosting in the past that you’d like a break and think it’s an ideal opportunity to give someone else a chance to do it……….communicate with these friends.

sorrynotathome · 13/10/2025 06:34

sesquipedalian · 13/10/2025 04:41

I’m astonished that 22% of people think YBU. Your friends are well out of order - if they want to host a film and pizza evening at your house, then they make it absolutely plain from the outset, and don’t lead you to think they are hosting, so you say, “great idea” and then let you know it’s supposed to be happening at your house. We all know that whoever hosts somehow ends up providing stuff and paying for it, even if they say they’ll be bringing/ordering in everything. I think it’s outrageously cheeky - if I were you, OP, I’d simply say no, and say that you host your friends for your parties and were looking forward to going out somewhere else. If you let this start, there will be no end to it.

I voted YABU because the OP just cannot be arsed to construct an actual English sentence. Even the title makes no sense. I find it tiring to read this nonsense.

ThankYouNigel · 13/10/2025 06:20

YANBU. We had something similar with friends who kept inviting themselves to ours for a BBQ but never returned the invite. After several years it felt unfair, so we put our foot down and have refused now until they’ve had a turn at hosting! 😂

Danioyellow · 13/10/2025 06:18

lambdressedasspam · 13/10/2025 01:42

Ehh I think you've est a social scene around hosting and like you say no one else in your sphere has access to that ???

Yes can ve read as ' Cf' but at the same time could be looked at like he's toeing the party line and slotting in with the est set up of the day.
I can see your 'taken aback' but not everyone is good at/capable of taking the social initiative, so he's kind if showing you he apricates your 'role' ( perhaps hierarchy) in social order that you've collectively est over the only person hosting 7/8 things a year.

I think acting agast is a bit much. Even if you don't apricate it reads like a clumsy attempt and not the biggest leap.
You can see how he got there and its not the most offensive thing ever?

Why not just tell him something along the lines if
' bit cheeky but if you sort everything and clean up?'

Life is too short, have a pizza party?

Are you drunk?

Op I’d feel the same. I wouldn’t be worried about being blunt back either. I think that’s really cheeky. I’d have assumed his parents were out for the evening, or at least making themselves scarce

Zezet · 13/10/2025 06:10

I suspect the 22% don't feel she would be unreasonable to decline to host, but think she is unreasonable to find it this unbelievable of the guy to have clumsily proposed.

A simple no and a lighter touch are also possible.

jumpingthehighjump · 13/10/2025 05:58

Just say no?

*Look, I thought you meant you were having the movie night. We've seen the film and we don't fancy this at our place so we'll give it a swerve this time"

Simples

Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 05:49

@OhDear111 it does get to a point where they just assume. And then prob time to tackle it down. We have even had his birtdhay party at our place this year with our friend group, but at least he asked in a better way that time

OP posts:
Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 05:45

@kkloo some people don’t mind i guess but even tough, we host when we want, i don’t want them to see our home as their free local place to free bookings for their arrangaments/events Because if i give them the finger im afraid they take the whole hand. Like it not our fault he lives with his parents and if they don’t allow or he dosen’t have the home for himself. At least would be more fairs if he asked to eat out or go to cinmea

OP posts:
Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 05:38

@sesquipedalian lol i just realized em votes😂 i litteraly got leaded into thinking we where invited thats why i was like oh sure! And then cmon duudee. He would prob ask to share the cost everyone or for ingrediendts or idk and idk about alcohol he means. But i would never lead anyone like that because he litteraly made it sound like he was booking our place for free by asking us with «considering setting up movie night and pizza one day»

OP posts:
Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 05:31

@Snorlaxo i think some people don’t always realize how blunt they can be and sound. And are not the best in explaining stuff. But might try lol

OP posts: