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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think is kinda rude of a friend to arrangement something to just ask us if we can host it?

109 replies

Meowmeowgirl · 12/10/2025 23:22

lets call our guy friend «nick»

So me and my SO are the first people in our group to have our own place while nick and jenny still lives with their parents, so we host some parties trough the years like 7-8 parties in a year when we feel like it. So one friend in our group «nick» asked me if ive seen that or that movie trough chat and i said yea long ago and then he said «jenny apperently haven’t seen that movie so i was considering about setting a movie night a day and i can make pizza!», jenny is my friend and our nicks friend. And me and my SO tought «oh how nice to be invited to movie night and some good pizza!». So i replied with «that sounds nice! Me and SO can bring some snacks!» until he replied with..

« i was thinking about asking if you and henry «my So» can have it at your place, we can have some alcohol, some good food and some snacks» i was a bit shocked since i tought he was telling us he was hosting a movie night at his place. I prob know he didn’t mean it in a bad way but i tought it was a bit weird, epsecially since he worded with «i considered about setting a movie night» like in my head this means «hey im having a movie night with pizza at my place! You guys in!?» not «hey im gonna host something at your place! You in?» our home is not a local that can be booked, i tought it was kinda cheeky. Because we be the ones clenaing dishes and all of that in the end. I think he was a bit bad with his wording, i haven’t replied yet, my So also tought that he was inviting us over. We where interested until we where expected to host.

OP posts:
nomas · 13/10/2025 10:35

JLou08 · 13/10/2025 10:23

Me and DH were the first in our friendship group to have our own home. We always hosted and didn't have any issue with it, it just made sense. Why would you think your friend was hosting at his parents? Do you go to his house and sit in his bedroom? I just couldn't imagine doing that when I could have hosted at my house.

Why would OP think she would be hosting when someone invites her?Confused

nomas · 13/10/2025 10:34

Oh please don't let him get away with this!

Notice how he didn't even say he would bring the drinks! I bet you'll expect you to pick up some or most of the costs.

I would just tell him that you think it's someone else's turn to host, as you and SO have hosted the last few times.

I sympathise with you, my sibling tries to pull this shit, get me to host and pay and then tries to take the credit with family Hmm

JLou08 · 13/10/2025 10:23

Me and DH were the first in our friendship group to have our own home. We always hosted and didn't have any issue with it, it just made sense. Why would you think your friend was hosting at his parents? Do you go to his house and sit in his bedroom? I just couldn't imagine doing that when I could have hosted at my house.

Monr0e · 13/10/2025 10:10

OP you have been given lots of good responses earlier in the thread. Just nip it in the bud now. It sounds like not only does he want to use your home to host his girlfriend and watch a movie you have already seen, but he also expects you to act like his personal taxi service. Next he'll be asking you and your partner to make yourselves scarce so they can have the place to themselves for a bit 😁

"Sorry, we misunderstood, your original message sounded like you were inviting us, we're not able to host this time, plus we've already seen the movie. Enjoy watching it with ...., hope to catch up soon"

The fact you had his birthday party for him has obviously given him the idea yoh are happy to host for him again!

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 13/10/2025 09:55

sorrynotathome · 13/10/2025 06:34

I voted YABU because the OP just cannot be arsed to construct an actual English sentence. Even the title makes no sense. I find it tiring to read this nonsense.

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You sound like a bloody Reform candidate nice!

English isn't the first language for everyone.

Favouritefruits · 13/10/2025 09:50

If you don’t fancy it then just say it straight! 7-8 parties a year, I hope you have deaf neighbours 🫣

Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 09:44

Slightyamusedandsilly · 13/10/2025 09:40

Someone is off school today. In a club and now having parties! That isn't adult life chick. You need to crack on with your homework.

@Slightyamusedandsilly and u need to be off screen and touch some grass these school memes are getting old bud

OP posts:
Slightyamusedandsilly · 13/10/2025 09:40

Someone is off school today. In a club and now having parties! That isn't adult life chick. You need to crack on with your homework.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/10/2025 09:32

I strongly suspect that Nick has no idea about the need for pre and post-party cleaning and prep, or any real commitment to provide this, because he never does it. He probably imagines that tidy, welcoming houses just happen by magic.

MorphandMindy · 13/10/2025 09:30

Screamingabdabz · 13/10/2025 09:00

Actually she’s right. I’m trying my best and I’m always invested in a CF thread but bloody hell it’s hard work. I’m amazed people can ascertain what’s going on! What’s with all the << >> ?

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Those are actually the correct way to do
<< quotation marks >>
in other languages, including French.

edit: I don’t have the correct keyboard to do the proper ones, so just an example!

Skirtingtheissue76 · 13/10/2025 09:13

Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 02:03

@Lurkingandlearning they just friends, but i think nick cares for her deeply tho. For me it would depend on time but that seems more like A better way to begin with than how he asked that felt like he tried to trick us in. Plus we already watched that movie me and my SO, so idk if nick tought it would be awkward to bring a girl friend alone to his parents house and if they would not be to happy to have people coming (his parents). I dont like people using my kitchen either🥲

There’s your answer Op!

Hi Nick, thanks for the suggestion but me and SO have already seen that film and we have hosted quite a lot recently. If you want to screen it at your place then we would be happy to join you for the pizza afterwards!

He can’t blame you for meeting cheek with cheek! 😃

Seriously though Op, if you really don’t want this happening at your house, you need to lay down a clear boundary now. He’s testing the water and not being very open about it.

Screamingabdabz · 13/10/2025 09:00

MayaPinion · 13/10/2025 08:23

People might not construct a sentence in traditional queen’s English for a number of reasons including dyslexia, English as a second or third language, or they didn’t benefit from your education. If you can follow the post feel free to reply with something useful or supportive. If not, move on - this isn’t the post for you. Stop insulting the OP and trying to derail the thread with snark. It’s not needed or wanted.

OP, can you reply ‘We’re always hosting people, Bob. Can we come round to yours instead? We’ll bring snacks and wine.’

Edited
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Actually she’s right. I’m trying my best and I’m always invested in a CF thread but bloody hell it’s hard work. I’m amazed people can ascertain what’s going on! What’s with all the << >> ?

Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 08:59

@LifestyleChanges i mean its is kinda the same somehow because ur friend only did the least and u had to take over for the party to work, one thing is being straight forward and ask than luring you in thinking they are doing it and prepare the food. I feel like the same could happen here. Idk because if he prepares the dough at his home then i prob know he will ask my SO if he can come and pick him up drive way for about 25 minutes. So thats why our answer will be not this time.

OP posts:
OMGitsnotgood · 13/10/2025 08:54

I don’t think he handled it very well but I‘d be ok hosting good friends in this situation. I would respond ‘happy for you to come here but on the understanding that you provide the food and drink and help clear up afterwards. We do more than our fair share of hosting and as you’ve asked to come here, I think that’s only fair. ‘

Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 08:52

@WildLeader not sure since i think he was thinking about preparing it here, and he was talking about more fancy pizza than just the normal ones with a side dish. We prob want them over when we want, but ofc we meet them if they plan something at theirs or going out to eat or something

OP posts:
LifestyleChanges · 13/10/2025 08:48

Not exactly the same but when my DC were very little, a friend and I used to take turns weekly to host each other’s kids for playdates. I hosted more and I didn’t mind. I also used to sometimes make “mini parties” themed playdates at Halloween, Easter, etc, just to mark special dates in the calendar. A particular playdate coming up was the nearest to Christmas and it was friend’s turn to host. Friend suggested we do a Christmas themed playdate party and as it was her turn to host, she said she’d take care of everything, but she asked me to do it at my place. I agreed. On the day she turned up with a small Tupperware of mini sausages. That was the extent of her party preparations. I had to scramble for food to make the promised party happen. People think nothing of framing something as though they are inviting you, when really they are asking you to host and actually do the work and carry the expense! Never again.

Nearly50omg · 13/10/2025 08:48

sorrynotathome · 13/10/2025 06:34

I voted YABU because the OP just cannot be arsed to construct an actual English sentence. Even the title makes no sense. I find it tiring to read this nonsense.

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OP isn’t English!!

EdithBond · 13/10/2025 08:45

Meowmeowgirl · 12/10/2025 23:49

I just dont know what to reply lol

Something like: “We’re not planning on having a get together at ours for a while. But when we next invite people over, sure, we’ll consider a movie and pizza night, especially if everyone else can chip in for the pizzas and help clear up at the end of the night”.

WildLeader · 13/10/2025 08:44

What dishes are you cleaning with pizza?

get loads of napkins and paper plates and cups if you’re that bothered. You clearly don’t want to have them over

just say you’re not going to host this time

Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 08:42

@Dontbeme i mean thats one way to say it😆

OP posts:
Invinoveritaz · 13/10/2025 08:42

No need to overthink it just say ‘sorry that doesn’t work for us’. Nip it in the bud now.

Thaimonstera · 13/10/2025 08:39

sorrynotathome · 13/10/2025 06:34

I voted YABU because the OP just cannot be arsed to construct an actual English sentence. Even the title makes no sense. I find it tiring to read this nonsense.

Show quote history

Did that make you feel good saying that? What a nasty thing to say. You do know you’re not obliged to read and reply?

crumpet · 13/10/2025 08:36

Meowmeowgirl · 12/10/2025 23:49

I just dont know what to reply lol

It’s easy. You reply “great” if it’s something you want to do and “oh that sounds lovely but can’t do it this time” if you don’t. He’s not being cheeky - they’ve not turned up unannounced with some pizza boxes under their ams. He’s proposed an idea, and you can say yes or no.

Dontbeme · 13/10/2025 08:33

"Nick, have you just invited me to a party at my own home? Do you need a minute to think about how that appears?"

Tenner says Nick turns up without pizza, booze, snacks or the film he wants to watch.

MyPurpleHeart · 13/10/2025 08:30

You need to be crystal clear that its a no. My parents have form for inviting people to my house for the day because they are hoarders and their house is inaccessible to anyone but them. After the last time when I had people parked on my sofa from 11am to 6.30pm and having to feed and water them the whole day when I didn't even invite them, I told them next time you want to host do it at your own house. I will invite when I want to invite!!