Kids party etiquette

I would let this go, OP. Yes, having the phone was rude but you couldn’t do anything about it. It’s possible the little girl didn’t want to be there or is having problems at home, who knows? I don’t think it’s worth rehashing on mumsnet.

I remember one party when my DD, then a similar age, refused to join in. She spent the whole party miserable and clinging to me. I was mortified but couldn’t force her to be happy. Ok she didn’t have a phone but sometimes we can’t control kids and they will act out. It’s not worth dwelling on.

It does sound like it wasn’t her kind of thing. There may be lots of reasons she wasn’t engaged but from my experience, I would have felt way too self-conscious at that type of party.

Agree . Cannot get past the fact that a 6 year old has a phone!!

Personally I think a pamper party for a 6 year old and the guest on her phone are both a sad reflection of today's world. Sorry, please call me old fashioned!

The usual theme of inflatables, games, disco etc would be better suited to include all and run about and have fun! Xxx

Agree, sad this type of thing starts so young.

My ds is very similar. He will look forward to parties and say that he wants to go but when he gets there it's all a bit overwhelming and he finds it hard to join in. I've lost count of how many parties he's ended up on the side just watching and no amount of coaxing can encourage him to join in, sometimes he comes out of his shell and manages ok and sometimes it's all too much for him. I wouldn't allow him to sit on a phone though, that's rude and disrespectful to the host. I'd explain to them he was having a hard time and also apologise. It doesn't sound like the grandparent managed it very well here if there was more going on thatln a rude kid.

He's getting better now he's older and parties tend to be a smaller group of familiar friends.

Same. Actually, one of my children never joins in at parties - he's far to shy ro join in with games and is scared of entertainers. I still take him to the parties though- it's important that he interacts with other kids and sees them socially, even if it is very little... otherwise it will get worse!

This. The phone thing is weird (she's 6) but she may be neurodivergent, and screens can help some ASD kids regulate. You have no idea what's going on with her and she's only 6, so don't judge. I have a 6 year old as well. He's severely autistic and sometimes he won't talk to anyone. It isn't him being rude- he just really struggles with life. I don't give him a phone, but might read a book with him, which might seem rude to other people if we're out in company. Also a pamper party for 6 year olds is not to everyone's taste...!

For the people horrified by pamper parties I was too til my children went to a few. There is a place near us that is a dedicated business for them. As the OP says, there is a disco and party games just they get their hair done (can choose from a few age appropriate styles, the sort of thing girls come to school with, with glitter on top) and have their nails painted too. Mine love it. They also love parks, cartwheels, playing in rivers, gardening, playing tig - a pamper party doesn't change.

I think the girl was very rude OP (but not old enough to know that). Awful that the adult with her didn't tell her to put it away.

My 7yo daughter went to a party recently that she thought was boring. It was a singer with a guitar. It was in a park so she just did her own thing. I did worry she looked rude but also thought me trying to get her to be more involved was distracting when the birthday girl didn’t seem to notice. Sounds similar. I did bring a gift tho.

My son would have done this if given the chance (I wouldn’t have given a phone) but he’d have sat on the side and watched and did for many parties. He liked the idea of being invited but got anxious when it came to it. He’s 8 now and can say what he doesn’t want to do now, it’s still touch and go whether he’ll eat anything and he hates being left at parties, he doens’t need much from us now but I think he likes the reassurance of having us there. He may come across as rude, he’s really not, just doesn’t like some situations and finds them hard to navigate.

Did she partake in the pamper? It's too much to expect 6 year olds to have etiquette.

I feel like people are missing the point here! The party was presumably age appropriate and what the birthday child wanted to do.

YANBU it was incredibly rude behaviour and if she wasn't enjoying for whatever reason nan should have stepped in or took her home imo

YANBU but you don't know what was going on in her head, something might have happened before the party. She might have fallen out with one of the girls.

When I was 6 I had a bouncy castle party and I told my then best friend that she wasn't allowed on because she had ginger hair. She sat on the grass all afternoon and wouldn't tell any adults what the problem was. I have no idea why I decided to be such a little bitch that particular day, it was out of character (I promise!) but the point is, something similar might have happened, you just don't know!

If the girl is usually ok, I'd let it go.

Children cannot self regulate addictive devices. They require adults to set boundaries.

Of course she was bored. There is nothing more interesting than a bright screen filled with games (strange new ‘friend’ asking you for special photos is optional extra).

She will continue to be bored, and lose friends, as long as the adults around her find it convenient.

But it’s not rudeness OP, it’s a child without responsible adults.

Why did you let a 6 year old have a phone at a party. Just take it off her.

As one of only a small handful of children invited, presumably she’s one of DD’s closest friends? Have you never met her before to know whether her behaviour was out of character? Does DD think it’s like or not like her friend to behave this way?

I think judging 6-year-olds by adult standards of manners and etiquette is a bit pointless. They don’t think about what they ought to do in particular situations the same way adults do, they respond to their feelings in the moment. I’d wonder if there might be a problem at home and she’s not coping very well with things, or was generally overwhelmed. Her grandma did try to make her join in - but ultimately, if she didn’t want to, I don’t think it would have made for a great situation for a child to be forced, become upset, and cause upset and disruption for all the other children. Did the people leading the activities not try to gently encourage her into the group at all?

She probably just wasn't interested which I honestly can't blame her for. It was an odd choice for a party and very ill advised.

She's 6, maybe she was just shy on the day young children can be unpredictable.

I don't really get what a pamper party for 6 year olds is, even with your update. I always think of pamper parties as a group of adults women going to a beauty salon to get treatments, a makeover and their makeup professionally done. Not somewhere for children to run about.

Anyway, I could be misunderstanding.

As for 6 year olds with mobile phones, I can't see as they need them and yes, the child was very rude, and allowed to continue to be so by her grandmother.

Why didn’t you say something to the kid about the phone use? Dh has done that at a kids party (the parents were in the background somewhere and clearly did think it was an issue..)

A party IN a salon? Or like a mobile thing that comes to your local village hall? I’m a bit lost. Disco sounds good as does face painting, but can’t quite see it in a salon setting.

Running around in a salon?

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